Lovestinks12 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Hello! My ex of 4 years broke up with me in june and started dating a new guy. I did everything i shouldn't have done and one of the things was break contact, but it was really hard not to reach out to her. It got to the point that she blocked me completely from her life and that really hurt alot. She got into a new relationship pretty fast. I don't know if she was seeing the guy while we were together, but she moved pretty fast. I realized that she emotionally checked out a while ago, but i didn't see the signs. Shes very happy with the new guy and I want her to be happy, but I'm still not over it. Anyway, Its been a couple of months and things seem to have gotten worse emotionally. I started seeing a therapist because its been a decent amount of time and I'm still stuck and I'm hoping a therapist will help. So I had to withdraw from my fall semester due to breaking ribs and being unable to to get around. Things don't seem to be going well for me and its taking a toll on me emotionally. I don't feel like the same person after the break up. I want to move on and stop thinking about her like she to me. I want to find someone new, but i don't feel confident socially. I still think about her day and night. I even was thinking today in trying to reach out to her, but i know thats a bad idea. I really do want to see her again though. I hate how she got to move on and I'm still stuck and its affecting me from living life. Sorry for the long rant. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do to finally move past it? Did your breakup affect your personality and how you acted in social settings? When did you finally overcome the emotional drain of thinking of your ex everyday? Did you ever get back with your ex even when they had another bf?
lostsoul6486 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 First thing's first. DO NOT reach out to her. You've said it yourself. It's not a good idea. I have been in your situation and the only thing I could tell you is to give it time. Seven months might seem like a long time. Hell, for a lot of people it is, but it's different for everyone. I've been separated from my ex for almost two years and I still have bad days where I think about her a lot every once in a while. Believe this though: they become a lot less frequent and you will think about her less as time goes by. Even when you do think about her, there will be little to no emotional drain after a certain point. My break up definitely affected my personality. I'm a lot more guarded and have a harder time letting people in. I tried the whole "getting back together" thing. It didn't work out for me. I just didn't trust her anymore and that's the hardest thing to build back up. Like I said earlier, DO NOT reach out to her. As a matter of fact, block her. If she ever wants to contact you to talk about things she will. I know it doesn't make sense since I'm telling you to block her, but trust me, she'll find a way if she really wants to. Hopefully if that day ever comes, you'll be over her and strong enough to make the best decision possible for you. Pick up some hobbies and find ways to keep yourself busy. You will be fine. 1
BC1980 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 It's gonna take awhile if you were together for 4 years. My ex moved on pretty fast after a 3 year relationship. I've been NC for 2 years, but I still think of him daily. Not in a sad way but out of habit. The only way you can stop thinking of her is gradually, as you begin a new life. She will become irrelevant to your day to day life. At first, when I thought of him of talked about him, I would cry. But that diminishes over time. Try to divert your thoughts. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 My ex jumped into a relationship thr verybday he broke up with me. Im 11 months out and still hurting. It's mental torture but we are doing ourselves a disservice if we repeatedly chase after the past. 1
Sparta Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 First thing do not contact her, Whatever you do...!!! First of all she's done with the relationship you and her had... You have to face the fact that she doesn't even think about you anymore. Sorry to be so blunt but it's the truth. Look you said you think she started seeing in before you relationship ended that's called cheating buddy it's called lack of character, integrity, loyalty. And after four years a lack of respect she thought about those four years... The best if this is what you want to call her revenge because someone did you wrong. for you to succeed move on and be happy and if you ever run into her let her know how good you're doing never show her any signs of you being bitter towards her even if you are deep down inside... Seriously you need to MoveOn buddy You're wasting your time... 1
xpaperxcutx Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Exes always seem to come back when you've moved on and you're happy without them. I had this happen before... I was with my ex and the guy I dated before him decided to pop back into my life on New Years Eve. I don't know how else to tell you, but you're gonna feel sick and tired of being sick and tired, and once you had enough of feeling sorry for yourself, you will bounce back up. 1
Author Lovestinks12 Posted December 6, 2015 Author Posted December 6, 2015 Yea I know its a horrible idea and I'm not going to do it, but thats how I feel.
user_name Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 I know exactly how you feel, and I think most people do. Its natural that you feel like that and its expected after a break up. I think its a journey that everybody has to go through. You don't think of it now, but things get better. Its really hard to stay away but its better. If you dig into it more, you might even find things out you didn't want to know, trust me. Try to be happy in your own way and get yourself busy. I'm sorry what you're going through and we know its hard. I know that you think about all those years you spent with her and all the things you two have done and been through and its hard to believe that now its all gone. I've learned that dwelling in the past wont help you get past this. My ex put me through a lot even after our break up and I'm still learning. I wish I would've stayed away.
foreverig Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 I know exactly how you feel because I'm in the same situation and it has been really hard for me , i know ppl say just move on and focus on yourself but those things are not easy when all you can think of is her. Im not better yet too but after seeing her post her picture with other guy i think its time for me to move on its gonna take time and a lot of hard work but theres nothing to lose for me I'm already at the bottom, just have to pick myself up a little. Just keep telling yourself that you are better than that and try to be the best you can be find your passion work on it by the time you know she will regret breaking up with you. Stay strong man you are not alone
Cora Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 It has been 7 months for me too since my ex left me. He just simply left with no goodbye...nothing. Looking back on it now I do see where he checked out emotionally before he finally left for good. I failed to see it then. Or maybe I didn't want to see it. I'm sorry to say that I still very much think about him daily. He too began a relationship with another girl right after he left me. In fact I believe he was seeing her before he left me as things moved pretty quickly between the two. They both seem so happy and in love and it hurts. It really kills me inside. It hurts a great deal because I loved him so much, but my love wasn't enough for him. He didn't want my love. He didn't want me at all. I feel like I was just a piece of garbage to him that he simply threw away once he was finished with me. Some days I think of him and become sad because I miss him. But most days I am just angry now because I feel so foolish. I can't even imagine dating again. I'd much rather be alone for a long long time if not forever. I can't do this all over again. I don't think I could survive another heartbreak like this. After 7 months I still cry because of him and I hate myself for it. I hate myself because I know he does not cry for me. I probably don't even cross his mind. I wish I could move on so quickly like him and be happy again. But I'm stuck...stuck in the past, stuck in the sadness and the false hope, stuck in this misery that I can't seem to get out of. It really does suck. But I have to believe it gets better eventually. I hope you can at least take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. There are a lot of people on here who are grieving over a break up. I know it helps me just knowing that there are people who can relate. 1
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