ruthieo Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 Alright here's the deal I have went to church my whole life. I love going to church it is where I grew up and it is the only thing I know. In my religion We believe that you should save sex for marriage. I started dating this guy name Kenny. When we started dating i wasn't were I need to be with God. I was kind of going threw a little rebellious stage. I was the one that really got the relationship going. I went over to his house I drove us on our first date. I was in the drivers seat. I hate that, I have always wanted the man that I am with to be the one in charge that is just the way I am. We had a terrible relaationship we fought all the time. I could never do anything right. Well while we were together we had sex. I felt like if i didn't he would leave me. I didn't want that to happen. The sex was terrible. I hated it. He made me feel like such a whore. I regret ever moment of it. I was the one that ended the relationship before things got any worst between us. I just kind of woke up and realized that I wasn't where I need to be and that things in my life were going in the complete opposite direction that they needed to be. Just to let you know how much Kenny used me, when I broke up with him he wanted to know if he was my first and only. Like he was proud that he got me before anyone else. I couldn't believe it. I felt so used. Big Big Jerk. I am dating this guy Named Jonathon Now and He both believe that same things about sex and marriage. I am scared that when past relationships and things about itamacy that, when I have to tell him he isn't going to want to be with me anymore. I feel like that when you meet someone and fall in love you fall in love with the person they are now not for what they have or haven't don't in the past. It is in the past I can't do anything about it now. I have prayed long and hard for forgivness. and I feel like My relationship with God is back to where is needs to be. I have totally turned my life around. So I feel like that if he told me that he had had sex with someone else I would still love him as much as if I never knew because it is in the past. I can't change it I just don't want him to see me as a used rag and throw me off to the side. I need advice what should I tell him, what should I say, should I tell him eveything. Please give me advice. I really like this guy and I don't want one stupid mistake to ruin thing between us. ' Help
guest Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 You should be honest and tell Jonathan everything. I mean you dont need to give him some details, but in general, tell him what happened with Kenny. It is up to Jonathan to decide whether he still wants to be with you after what you told him about yourself. If you dont tell him anything, he would find it out anyway (considering that you are not a virgin anymore, and he would eventually discover it once you have sex, after marriage or before if you dont resist And he might be very upset if he discovered that all that time you have given him impression of being somebody who you are not. Be honest with him, and the sooner you do it, the better it will be.
Artscrafter Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 I agree with guest. It is in the past I can't do anything about it now.I have totally turned my life around.These are the important things. Yes, tell him that you'd had premarital sex before, but also tell him the above quoted things - you regret it, and while it's a part of your past, you've turned away from it. I think your main worry is that you'll come off as not being in tune with the beliefs you claim to hold, but there's nothing wrong with making mistakes that you've atoned for and learned from. I feel like that when you meet someone and fall in love you fall in love with the person they are now not for what they have or haven't don't in the past.This is very wise. If Jonathon is mature enough, and it sounds like he is, he will understand and won't think less of you for what has happened in your past. I wouldn't worry about this too much.
predator8u Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 HEYYY I'm and I've been in similar situations before.... I'm a guy and I'm saving it for my wife but my past girlfriends all had sex before. The difference was that they all have been with 3 or so guys before me, but I sort of felt like hmmm they partied a bit and now they have changed,,, and I was willing to just forget about it. Neither one worked out because they wanted more sex and they would not get it from me. I'm currently talking to this girl who is very religious and super nice, and she was engaged once and had sex with one man before... He turned abusive and they broke up. The thing about her is that she did it out of love, but she completely regrets it. I think it would be silly for anyone to judge someone on one instance, I don't think that just because you had sex, that makes u a used rag..... but you should tell him about it.. and that you regret it... I'd love to find a women who is virgin like me, but if she isn't it will not bother me at all as long as I know that she either regrets it or did i out of love.... You seem like a really nice person and you may have made a mistake... I know you friend will look beyond that if he really likes you.. Everyone has skeletons in closet and no one is perfect, you should not let your previous bad relationship destroy anything beautiful that may come out of this new relationship. Just make sure next time u do have sex, u do it out of love..... nothing good ever comes out of lust..... When i do it... it will be the most beautiful thing ever.... and I wish everyone's is like that: just full of passion, care and happyness.... good luck girl keep us posted
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