Skullheart Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 My Ex and I dated for 2 years and 4 months. During the the last few months I took her for granted and got lazy, not seeing her as often and playing games with her, ect. It's been two weeks since she broke up with me and now just started dating her best guy friend that she has know longer than me. They attempted to date once before me but something happened and she said it wouldn't work. I made all the wrong mistakes when I found out about it and poured my heart out to her. I begged, I pleaded, I told her that I felt like a piece of thrown away trash. Before I found out about her seeing him, I sent her a long apology letter stating that I did take her for granted and I was sorry about everything and I hoped she would give me a second chance. I love her so much and her dating him is killing me. I pissed her off in our last conversation because I said I can't believe that she gave up on me so easily in my fit of heartbreak and desperation. I know she tried to salvage us in those final months we were together. I quickly apologized but she has yet to reply back. I feel like I pushed her away even more and I'm worried that since she's been friends with him for so long, she is going to forget about everything we did and all the time we spend together and move on with him.
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Because there is already somebody else in the picture it's unlikely that you can win her back. As a long time friend, she trusts him. He probably offered her comfort as she grieved the end of your relationship & now that turned to something more. You need to figure out how you are going to heal.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Sorry you're hurting, OP. The reality is that she probably started to check out when she felt you were taking her for granted and playing games with her. (Can you specify what you mean by "playing games"?) She very likely felt you were throwing away what you had, and simply got tired of it. I'm sure she appreciated your thoughts and apologies, but they came too late. She won't forget what you shared. She won't forget you. But it appears she is moving on now. You need to focus on yourself and healing. 1
Author Skullheart Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Not like playing games as is playing with her feelings but as in actual video games. We have done so much together and it's hard for me to believe that she would just split like that so fast. I mean we did everything, Vacations, Camp outs, ect. I know I shouldn't be snooping on her but she still has all of our photos on fb and instagram. I'm trying to do NC but it's really hard right now because of all of the reminders that I have, the big ones that I can't really get rid of being my house and my car.
makemineamac Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) Man, I can totally relate to the intensity levels you're feeling right now, and I'm sorry, it sucks. While I'm probably much older than you, I understand how desperate you're feeling as I've been there a few times in my life - most recently last Sunday - and it's a week later and I am doing so much better. Mostly due to the great advice I've gotten here, from all of these caring people. They know what they're talking about. For now, just try and breathe and work on becoming a little calmer so you can look at this in a new light. I know that's hard to do, but there is nothing you can change right now. About anything. About the way you treated her, about her friend, about your apology letter, or the phone call. Just try and 'be' for a little while. I promise, once you allow this to all settle down a little and get out of the hyper-stressed state you're in, you'll be able to put some real perspective around what just happened between you and her. Can anyone say what happens going forward from here for certain? No, but right now it is best to remain NC and let her wonder about you. In the meantime you can think about how your actions impacted the relationship and put a plan in place to not sabotage your next relationship. I really do wish you peace. Edited October 25, 2015 by makemineamac Spelling
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Not like playing games as is playing with her feelings but as in actual video games. We have done so much together and it's hard for me to believe that she would just split like that so fast. I mean we did everything, Vacations, Camp outs, ect. I know I shouldn't be snooping on her but she still has all of our photos on fb and instagram. I'm trying to do NC but it's really hard right now because of all of the reminders that I have, the big ones that I can't really get rid of being my house and my car. Unfortunately, everyone who has ever gone through a break-up has experienced the exact same thing. We have all shared important moments with our exes. All of us have treasured memories of significant events with previous partners. But sharing those experiences does not mean you will stay together forever. They are pleasant moments in time, but not a guarantee of a future. The same goes for the reminders - certain places, objects, shared property. It hurts a lot in the beginning and it's normal to automatically associate those with an ex. But slowly that fades. Go real No Contact, which includes deleting her from social media. You don't need to be looking at that.
Author Skullheart Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 ive lost coount of how many days its been since i started no contact with her. i suffer from really bad depression and anxiety, when it get really really bad i start to have a break down and i cant stop it. i am an introvert and i have little to no firends and the ones i do have are out doing their own things my ex was the one i was only really comfortable with and she was the only one i could talk to help it go away. as i said before, she left me and i pissed her off with my crying and begging before. the thing is, im having panic attacks because she is gone.. i miss her so much and i want to be in her company and feel her comfort but if i call her and tell her about it, i feel she is going to get even more mad at me this loneliness and this grief of missing her is causing me to have panic attacks and she is the only one that can comfort me through them what do i do, this is tearing me apart
mystikmind2005 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 You have probably heard it many times that you should not be relying on other people to make you happy. There will be very little chance of having a healthy relationship with that going on, it is probably why she left you. So what you need to do, is stop thinking she will/can solve your problems... YOU need to solve your problems.
Author Skullheart Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 So I was sitting here on the pc and out of no where my Ex ttexted me. She was asking about one of my friend, being that his father died recently. I replied with short answers to her and ended the conversation pretty quick. Well when it ended I realized what I just did. Should I have not respond at all or was that something I should have broken NC for? Edit: I also have her removed from all social media.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 So I was sitting here on the pc and out of no where my Ex ttexted me. She was asking about one of my friend, being that his father died recently. I replied with short answers to her and ended the conversation pretty quick. Well when it ended I realized what I just did. Should I have not respond at all or was that something I should have broken NC for? Edit: I also have her removed from all social media. The fact you've mentioned it, means it had an effect. No, you should not have responded at all. Back to square #1.....
Author Skullheart Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 So I have come to the terms that I will never get my girlfriend back. I said before that we had a 2 year and 4 month long relationship and she broke it of and went off with one of her guy friends and she seems happy. This girl was my first true love, I dated others before but I never had a strong bond with them unlike my ex. NC has been broken twice since the break up due to her asking about my friends fathers death and yesterday due to her having to return a phone because she was on my plan. Yesterday when we talked she saw that I unfriended her and asked me about it, I told her I did it when I found out she was dating someone that she told me to my face that she would never leave me for. I said I did it when I broke down on that day. She said that I can add her back if I wanted to and I said that I don't know and I would have to think about it, she replied with "alright, it's whatever haha" and honestly that replied killed me. It seemed like she didn't even care if we were friends or not. Later that night I did something stupid and looked at her profile and saw that she made her profile picture one with her and the other guy. I felt a knot build into my stomach and began to break down. Our bond was very strong and we both loved each other with all our hearts but like I said before in an older post, I took her for granted and became lazy and selfish in the final months and pushed her away.. I'm pretty sure she wants nothing to do with me anymore and it kills me, I can't stop crying and thinking about her and our awesome times we had together. People tell me to go out and spend time with friends but I am a introvert and I have crippling social anxiety, not to mention that the little friends I have moved away. We had the biggest crush on each other our whole high school lives and my senior year we finally got together, it was wonderful, she was everything I ever wanted. Now I sit here crying, hating myself, and wishing that she would give me another chance to fix what I broke but I know she probably never will... I love her so much and I miss her so much, I love in a very small town and basically we did everything in that town so the whole damn town is a reminder, my room is a huge reminder of her, hell even my car is a reminder (We have matching cars) I don't know how to get over this, I want to get better but everything just reminds me of her and I can't stop thinking about her.
Shock148 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Sorry to hear this man, I know it sucks. Unfortunately you are correct when you say that you will never get back together with her and you have lost her for good. She seems happy with the new guy and doesn't really care much or thinks about you now, nor should she since she has a new relationship and man to think about. The only thing you can do is learn from this, take this intense pain to make you stronger. Try your best to remind yourself that your life is just beginning and you cannot be wasting it away in self pity. What good is that going to do to you or anyone else? Do not use having a crippling social anxiety as an excuse because you need to learn at this point how to improve your weaknesses. First of all, block her from FB and everything else so you cannot ever see her profile page or pictures again. Block her number, delete it, and just move on with your life. It is going to be hell for who knows how long, but at the end of the day nobody is going to feel sorry for you and you only have 1 life. Do not waste it doing nothing but crying. Whatever does not kill you only makes you stronger.
Gaby Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Frist love is always the hardest, after that every heartbreak becomes easy trust me. ofcourse you're in grief now, but it takes time and luckily thats all you got now, so dont worry about if you going to feel better, you will feel better, just take it slow rome wasnt build in a day im getting there aswell, not with my first but my most recent one. stil not 100% over i said 88%. feeling better and i know you will feel better too.
Author Skullheart Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Sorry if this is a long post. So I posted before on the break up forum but I guess it would be best to post it here. So 3 or 4 weeks go my girlfriend of 2 years and 4 months broke up with me and then basically not even a week and a half later I find out she is now dating the "Don't worry, he's just a friend" guy. 3 days ago I hate to contact her about her cell phone and to have it dropped off because she was on my plan. I was out of town when she dropped it off at my place so I did meet her face to face. Well, I now realize that the woman that said she would never leave me and loved me with all her heart doesn't really care about me anymore. After the conversation about the phone, she saw that I unfriended her on FB. I told her I did it when I broke down when I found out about her dating him. She said that I could add her back and I told her I don't know, she told me that I don't have to if it is going to cause me pain. I told her that I would have to think about it, she responded with "alright, its whatever haha" and an hour later changer her profile picture to her and him. Those words and that picture was like a right hook to the jaw, I never replied to her message. I know I ****ed up in the last months of the relationship to push her away and my hopes of her coming back are at 3% and dropping. This girl was my first real true love and I would do anything to have her back but I'm pretty sure she could care less. It's been 3 days since I restarted NC, I have taken all of her gifts and anything of mine that had a strong reminder of her(Hoodie, Pants, ect.) stuffed them in a box and shoved them in the back of my closet. The thing is I have a LOT of reminders that simply just can't get rid of like my car(We have matching cars) and my room. It also doesn't help that I live in a very small town and we basically did everything here, so I can't just walk through the park or go hiking to ease my mind. The reminders are everywhere. I would go out and spend time with friends but they have pretty much moved out of town or they are busy with their own schedules. It sucks because she was the one I really hung out with here and talked to all the time. Now I am here sitting alone with no one to really go out and talk to. I'll occupy my time with drawing, work, games, ect and start to feel better then BAM my brain is like "Remember when you guys went camping and cuddled in the grass till 2 am?" or the last image I saw of her will pop into my mind, the picture with her with "that guy". We were really deeply in love with each other and we were each others true first love, we did everything together like trips, went out, vacations, holidays, ect. We took each others virginity, which really means a lot to me. We have dated others in the past but really didn't feel the love, it also doesn't help that we had a huge crush on each other through our whole high school experience. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am still deeply in love with her and still devastated that she just dropped me like that. As much as I wish she would come back, I know she won't and it hurts. I'm trying my best to move on but these reminders and my brain flashing these memories are making it so hard. It seems like everyday just gets harder and harder.
Injen Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Hey skull, I feel your pain, my first love of two years just broke up with me too and I'm going through a lot of what you are going through. Only thing I can recommend to you is keep strict NC and don't leave any thought In my head that she will come back. Focus on yourself, go to the gym and work on yourself. Your doing all the right things. And believe me, at the moment it feels like it only gets worse but as the weeks goes by it will get better. Injen
Author Skullheart Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Thanks Injen. It's so damn hard, I just wish my brain would quit with these random out bursts of memories and the current, not to mention the constant dreams that seem to plague me every night. I'm still trying to better myself, I hate that I am acting so weak.
LostOnes05 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Been there bud, went through another break up recently too. What you have to remember is that the person you once loved isn't there anymore. As much as you don't want to admit it, they are different now. It isn't weakness to feel real emotions. It's weakness to let them dictate your everyday actions. When you do feel those old emotions, acknowledge them for a few minutes and then let it go. I'd write how I felt on paper and then toss it in the trash. Then I got to the point that I would think about it for a few minutes, get pissed, and head off to the gym. I used the energy I was wasting thinking about her and pushed myself to get better mentally and physically. I realized that I was the prize and that it was her who lost out on a great guy. Now, I don't really think about her and if someone brings her up, I feel nothing. The last girl was easier to get over because she pulled the same crap as my ex over a shorter period of time, but I recalled how I felt before and decided that I couldn't afford to waste my time harping on what could have been.
Author Skullheart Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 I woke up on this cold morning after having a dream about her, a dream where we were together again. When I woke up I started to break down. I know I shouldn't do it but my mind just wants me to message her and tell her I miss her so much. I feel so lonely today.
marcusdevilliers Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I know the feeling bro. but its not gonna help nothing. just put you deeper in the hole your tryna come out of. remember people who want to be in your life makes the effort to be there, and someone who truly loves you wouldnt do these things to you. dont contact her. find something to do and try your best to take your mind off her. and trust me, the dreams stop and those missing her moments will fade until they hurt no more. trust me it gets better. take a read.. this i find helpful. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...broken-hearted http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...-contact-guide
zyphfly Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I'm right there with you. Desperately wanting to make that call today, feeling exceptionally lonely. Don't do it though.
Friggia Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 When I have those urges, what I always do first is think back to what happened when I followed through on those urges to contact before. What happened was usually nothing.. It didn't fix anything as I hoped it would despite my best efforts. So what exactly would change if I did it again now? Then, I would turn my mind onto a different task that actually relates directly to just me and my interests. After you repeat this process, you will notice it starting to become a healthy habit, and it will feel more normal and natural than it does now.
Author Skullheart Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 It's been a while since I started NC and I don't really see myself feeling any better, if not worse. I am going to start college here soon to better myself but my anxiety is really starting to hover over my head. I don't really have anyone to talk to or spend time with to try and help myself feel better. I know I shouldn't rely on others for my own happiness or what ever but my Ex was really the only person I talked to that would help me though my anxiety. I'm trying all the techniques to help relieve the stress but they hardly work. I don't know what's worse, the loneliness or the anxiety.
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Get involved in school activities. Join clubs. Play IM sports. Make new friends Recognize that everybody has some stress & anxiety. Don't let it eat you alive.
xera Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I can be your friend. I live alone. I have no family. I can totally relate to you about the loneliness and the anxiety. I am suffering the same. I go home everyday in a home with no one but me. I used to share this home with my ex and the memories of us haunts me. The memory of her cleaning, her waiting for me from work.. eating together.. and now... there's no one but me. Im trying to cope up by exercising. There are days like today that I break down. I always pray to God that he will heal me. Sometimes I beg for God to bring my ex back.. it releases your emotions to just pray. It also helps to HELP others whose going through the same issues with you... try to read and post more here at the forums. I find it helpful too. 1
Author Skullheart Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 I can be your friend. I live alone. I have no family. I can totally relate to you about the loneliness and the anxiety. I am suffering the same. I go home everyday in a home with no one but me. I used to share this home with my ex and the memories of us haunts me. The memory of her cleaning, her waiting for me from work.. eating together.. and now... there's no one but me. Im trying to cope up by exercising. There are days like today that I break down. I always pray to God that he will heal me. Sometimes I beg for God to bring my ex back.. it releases your emotions to just pray. It also helps to HELP others whose going through the same issues with you... try to read and post more here at the forums. I find it helpful too. Sounds good to me! It really does suck. I am also in the same situation with the house stuff, my place is nothing but a huge reminder of everything. Hell, my car is a big reminder too. I found out today that exercising while listening to some uplifting music helps as well but like you said, there are some points that I drop into a cloud of despair. I do read a lot of posts on here and I have been replying to some here recently, I am kinda shy/nervous when I post haha.
Recommended Posts