Chronotrgr Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Hi guys, I was in a situation 3 months a go, where my girlfriend who I was living with finished me and kicked me out, it completely destroyed me at that point in time as I had a lot going on with 2 funerals of close family members going on. We somehow despite the sour feelings managed to turn a corner, eventually I moved back in, things haven't been so easy to put things back together, not through lack of trying but through lack of her not being around due to her starting a role in care work for one of her family member's in which she stays over 2 night's in a week most weeks, it was hard seeing her gone so often as her child is with her Thursday - Monday, he's hard work and requires a lot of her attention so it felt like the only time we really had together for just the two of us was Wednesday nights and come Thursday the cycle restarts all over again. I feel I've been very understanding throughout, mostly through keeping my mouth shut and chalking it off as one of those things, I thought things would eventually get better once things had settled down with the new routine and it began to be a little more flexible, but that was wishful thinking, she began to get very stressed out over every little thing and began becoming irrational again like she was some months a go, so basically anythingthat stressed her out which had nothing to do with me in her mind had everything to do with me. The problems started out with picking at me for little things and then it moved on to picking at me for everything, I tried to stay quiet and shrug it off simply saying "please drop it" when she would start up, at this point I felt quite detached so I was quiet anyway, I put it down to a way of prolonged grieving in my own way. Now I'm quite understanding about her daily headaches. Its not easy for her, she rarely if ever gets the chance just to kick back and fully relax, her son is very stressful at times and as much as I'd have liked to have helped her with his behavioural problems because its hard seeing her on edge all the time, its not my place to get involved and because he has ADHD I don't know how to go about helping her with disciplining him, I had to tred very lightly. Anyway, my situation at the moment is that we had an argument over the weekend, I have been bed ridden with the flu and as hard as it is trying to sleep it off with a kid in the house, I was managing it, until she decided it was a good idea to let his 2 friends in to the house and run riot, normally I don't really care and make myself scarce if kids are in the house, but when I'm in bed and feel sick to that extent, I told her it was really selfish, in return I got the whole my kid comes first bs, after arguing a bit I went out to pick up some cold medicine so I could knock myself back out and sleep, when I get back from the supermarket I find she has bolted the door and wouldn't let me in, she told me she was kicking me out and she'd contacted my mother telling her what I'd done, at this point I'd never felt so insulted or less cared about considering it was pouring down and I was sick. Eventually she let me back in and I told her if she wanted me gone I would sort myself out while she's doing her care work and be gone by the time she gets back, despite the house originally being my house that I lived in for 7 years until now, I had somewhere to go, she didn't, that's how we wound up living together in the first place. The weird thing is, she has made all these demands that I can't enter the house for a while because she needs time and space yet wants to continue the relationship, a part of me wanted that too when she said it, a very needy part of me, but the better part of me said that wasn't enough for me and the trust and respect had gone. The problem now is staying strong and moving on no matter what, which is hard in this case because most people I have been that never gave me that choice, I don't think I'd ever have wanted them to, if someone had come to me and told me their girlfriend wanted him to move out but stay in the relationship, I could only think it might not be over today or even tomorrow but inevitably it's over. I don't really know what to do, I love her, I don't know why, I should probably hate her lol and I honestly don't believe it could work after a step back like this, what do you guys think?, is it even worth it?, is it possible to take this kind of step back and for it to still work?.
Nickr3023 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Towards the end of my relationship with my girlfriend, over the last 3-4 weeks she wanted me to take my stuff and leave her house ( I wasn't live there, but essentially I was), and end things. It was pretty much the beginning of the end when that happens. I was able to fight and claw my way back in but things were just never the same. Then she cheated on me, which was essentially what caused me to finally pack up and leave. In hindsight I should have taken my stuff the first time, dealt with that heartbreak, and I wouldn't have had to deal with knowing that she was with another guy before leaving me. It sort of sounds like the same situation. Nothing is really getting resolved from before, and it sounds like it's just getting worse. Of course you're still going to love her, as once someone has your heart, they take a piece of it with them when they leave. But it sounds like you deserve someone you thinks and cares about you just as much as you do for them. It may be the hardest thing you ever do, packing your stuff up and walking out (I know it was for me), but in the end after a few weeks, months, or however long it takes you, you'll be able to look back and realize you simply weren't treated the way you should have been and that you deserve better.
Lostinlovexx Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 To me she seems overloaded and stressed out and just need a breather. Give her that and you'll be fine. Your relationship isn't over, and I wouldn't give up. Offer to help her out more, give her a breather and chance to relax while you take her child out for some bonding. If that idea is alien to you, you shouldn't be with her as her child will look up to you, if he/she hasn't already.
sandylee1 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I'm sorry but if I was locked out like a dog and not considered while I was ill.... I'd be done with the relationship. Both her and her son have issues ....leave them be. How humiliating. Even if she wants space...you don't just kick someone you're meant to love out like that and then call your mum. It's a ridiculous and immature way to handle things. Such poor coping leads to nothing but drama.... if you want more stress in your life carry on. I suggest you go total NC and ONLY go back if she fully apologises for humiliating you and promises to NEVER do it again. If you accept this treatment..... you're letting yourself in for more of this down the line.
sandylee1 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 You know if this was the other way round..... a man kicking a woman out like this... people would tell you it's abusive and to RUN far away from her. I believe it is abusive.... if my son were ever treated like this by a GF she better stay away from me and I would tell him to find another girl... there are lots out there. She's treated you awfully. Why do you think it's acceptable and want to get back with her?
Author Chronotrgr Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 Thanks for the replies guys, I moved out earlier on, and after thinking about what she has done especially over the weekend with the whole locking me out and not being considerate of the fact that I was ill I told her I couldn't possibly continue the relationship as I felt I wasnt cared for and easily discarded, I've put it up with everyone's fair share for this woman and her kid and rather than get some appreciation in return, I've always felt a sense of entitlement from her instead, I feel like I've taken a mental battering these last few months, I never thought about what she did as abusive more like cruel but you have a point, it feels like it's very much the same thing at this point, I've never finished or walked away from anyone, but I am literally so exhausted in every department of my body after this relationship, I guess it doesn't help that I have Miniers disease coupled with ME which come to think about, she didn't care much for that either let alone go to any appointments with me, not that I'd expect her to but it would have been nice to have been offered a helping hand, wow the more I think about stuff, she completely blind sided me, the only avenue she has of really contacting me is through hangouts so I think I'm going to go ahead and knock that off so I can start No Contact, I just hope she doesn't try to contact my mother, it was no fun trying to explain why she was contacted last time and as it's been said, it was very humiliating and degrading, I'm really too much of a soft touch and I really need to stand up for myself, I don't really believe she'll change so I guess my focus should primarily be on going forward without her.
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