Ex boyfriend contacted me during NC. Is he stringing me along?

[lonewolf110]

My ex had broken off with me after 10 months because he had lost feelings partly because of some personal issues he was going through and partly because of my insecurities which I am currently working on.

 

Recently during NC my ex reached out to me saying he hadn't been faring well emotionally and mentally. He might be depressed.

 

I offered that he could share what was bothering him. At first he politely declined then talked about random things.

 

The next day he was again low and I asked if he was alright. He lashed out saying he cant open up to me because we are just friends and we don't talk much. He apologized later on saying that I was a good girl and that I deserved better than him.

 

I told him that his excuse was pure bs and doesn't make him a good guy. If he wanted it to be..he could start by being honest about the imperfections that lie in and me during the relationship.

 

He was calm..and said that he was happy to see I was so straight forward & assertive. But he meant what he said and he does care for me. He apologized and acknowledged himself as being the bad. It wasn't out laziness or I wasn't worth the effort but its just he gave up on a lot of things and the list is long. He believes he is not fit for a committed relationship since is not expressive and is "stone-hearted".

 

To be honest I don't want to give up on him. I truly believe that he can overcome his issues and be a better person. I did see that side of him.

He furthur said "you should give up on me IF I am such a pain. I don't try to be one on purpose. I don't enjoy hurting you all the time"

 

 

After we settled down a bit, he said we should play some video games together next week. The day came he said he was coming over but bailed on me. I texted him but he didn't reply. Two days passed I grew concerned if he was alright. I left a voicemail asking if everything was alright.

He ignored that too.

 

After a day, he was online so I shot an IM asking why suddenly he was giving the cold shoulder. He assured that it wasn't intentional and I should chill..he is fine.

It was odd since he is chatting and talking with our mutual friends but drinking heavily. He says its "soothing"

 

 

I am giving him space right now. I would like some insight though..his behavior is confusing. Initially in our break up he said I was a drama queen and had low opinion of me. Now he is saying the opposite then going cold.

 

I don't know whether I should go NC again or maintain some limited contact. Do you think he has some feelings or just seeking validation that I still care?

Edited December 3, 2015 by lonewolf110

[Scarlett.O'hara]

It sounds like he is too caught up in himself to give a damn about you or your feelings. Personally, I would go no contact and ignore him for good.

 

If you let this continue then you need to prepare yourself for more heartbreak and rejection because he isn't capable of giving you more.

[mountains]

Here's telling you from the other side. I was in the same spot at first with my ex and wanted to talk to her about the break up and us (even though us was over). When a break up happens you two lose trust in one another, which may have caused the break up or occurred after because you wonder how someone could get rid of you if they loved you. Anything and everything my ex would say to me I would question because I couldn't trust her anymore even though I did want to talk to her. So if you respond he may accept what you say on that day for a few hours or maybe a few days, and then he may think it was a lie or not truthful and will request to talk about stuff again. For both of your sakes go NC. I have learned tons from this past relationship and the aftermath during the break up. What I wrote above is one of them even though I found out today she was lying to me about most of the stuff.

[lonewolf110]

Yeah I do understand what you say because I have had a feeling that he doesn't believe what I say.

I actually tried a lot in the beginning to reconcile, to talk about the issues plaguing us, his lack of commitment. He just shut me off every time, blaming me for everything. I was honest about the fact that I still have strong feelings for him. I had no choice but to go NC and heal. Now the things he said just threw me off balance. I guess it would be best then if I went NC again.