Chelsea5019 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Hello. I am hoping to find some insight from all of you regarding my inability to adjust to a breakup that occurred way back in July. I was in a relationship that lasted almost 2.5 years. There is no doubt that when he broke up with me I saw it coming, but didn't have the courage to confront and discuss our issues soon enough. I went into full dumpee mode. I called and texted him after two weeks and about once a week after that. Each time he responded and sympathized with me, saying that I had left him emotionally long before the actual breakup, so he simply had more time to get over it. He said that since our relationship didn't progress naturally, it just didn't happen and now there was no going back. We met up with mutual friends in the beginning of September and had sex. But I could tell over those two nights he wasn't convinced, even though he was very affectionate toward me, and sure enough immediately afterward he treated it like a one night stand.. In fact, since the break up, he has never initiated contact with me once, yet every time I have reached out to him he has indulged me, sometimes for an hour or so at a time over the phone. He says he "still likes me" so why wouldn't he talk to me"? I found out he was on an online dating site about 3 weeks after our breakup, but has since let his membership expire. He says he is working like crazy, and at one point even said that if he decides to change direction, I will be the first to know. To be honest I think that my mistake was blaming myself for everything that went wrong between us instead of getting mad at his typical dumper behavior and walking straight away. But why did he play me like this? I have learned so much from reading these boards, yet I wake up every day thinking about him and being miserable about it. Am I ready to let go? How do I do it? Does anyone think he will ever regret his decision?
countingstarsagain Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I've been in your shoes.. He is only going to regret it if you disappear from his life for a while. You have to take the power back. He has it all right now. He thinks he can just ring you up if he decides he wants this relationship. Let him feel the discomfort you've been feeling for a while. You shouldn't be in any contact with him unless he initiates it, and even then, take your time to respond or don't respond at all. If he ever regrets his decision, you can bet he'd find a way to tell you. And even if he never does change his mind, you will be well on your way to recovery. Best of luck <3
Author Chelsea5019 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 Thanks Countingstars. Since he said he was way ahead of me at the time of the breakup, I don't think he was ever able to find the right words to say to me and since I saw it coming, I guess I couldn't either. He also said that he could just walk away because we weren't married. But I think that you don't get to do that, married or not. He will probably either marry someone sooner next time or just keep repeating his ways. He would have to miss me enough to want to reconnect, and also really want to work through the obstacles of merging two complicated lives. I guess I just wasn't worth it to him, which is hard to accept but I am working on it. Two weeks NC tomorrow.
TheLoveBelow92 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Hello. I am hoping to find some insight from all of you regarding my inability to adjust to a breakup that occurred way back in July. I was in a relationship that lasted almost 2.5 years. There is no doubt that when he broke up with me I saw it coming, but didn't have the courage to confront and discuss our issues soon enough. I went into full dumpee mode. I called and texted him after two weeks and about once a week after that. Each time he responded and sympathized with me, saying that I had left him emotionally long before the actual breakup, so he simply had more time to get over it. He said that since our relationship didn't progress naturally, it just didn't happen and now there was no going back. We met up with mutual friends in the beginning of September and had sex. But I could tell over those two nights he wasn't convinced, even though he was very affectionate toward me, and sure enough immediately afterward he treated it like a one night stand.. In fact, since the break up, he has never initiated contact with me once, yet every time I have reached out to him he has indulged me, sometimes for an hour or so at a time over the phone. He says he "still likes me" so why wouldn't he talk to me"? I found out he was on an online dating site about 3 weeks after our breakup, but has since let his membership expire. He says he is working like crazy, and at one point even said that if he decides to change direction, I will be the first to know. To be honest I think that my mistake was blaming myself for everything that went wrong between us instead of getting mad at his typical dumper behavior and walking straight away. But why did he play me like this? I have learned so much from reading these boards, yet I wake up every day thinking about him and being miserable about it. Am I ready to let go? How do I do it? Does anyone think he will ever regret his decision? Your case is scarily similar to mine in nearly every way and in the same time frame from the break up and and events that have happened in that time. But I am two months no contact. but dont count the days like I did and convince yourself he will text back, you can take comfort in that and in time will only let yourself down. You have to realize he doesnt care enough to want you and no contact is only for you to heal which took me far to long to learn. We come up with lies we tell ourselves to find comfort in things that keep us tied in and until you cut all those ties bit by bit i dont think you will ever let go fully. Dont get me wrong my ex is always on my mind a few times a day even now, and thinking of what was and who she is with or what she is doing now makes me feel kind of weak, im not fully healed as I would not be on love shack looking month by month of where I should be at this stage. Its a long road with many bumps but so is life and we get through that everyday. You will get there Chelsea, we all do at some point or other. One person said something that struck me a moment ago that set me back a bit. "Surrender to what is,Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be"
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