Sunberry Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 My dad got married and I have no idea what to call her because everything I do call her feels uncomfortable. I called her by her name and she doesn't like that. She says calling her Miss ____ would do or step-mom or anything else. When my mom got re-married my step-dad said he doesn't really care. So I called him by his first name for years. I gradually called him "Dad". Everything just feels awkward with a new mom..
mrldii Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Call her "Miss New Step Mom". Something tells me she get off it reeeeealllll quick and *allow* you to call her whatever YOU'RE most comfortable calling her. 3
almond Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I personally couldn't imagine calling a step parent anything other than their name. 2
ASG Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I call my step dad by his name... Miss whatever is wayyyyy too formal! And step mom sounds horrible...
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Got called 'Hey, You're not my mum' a fair bit by one or the other of my BF's teenage boys these last couple of weeks; I started joking about it and that's now become my nickname, which I quite like . 1
stillafool Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I'm from the south so I'm used to calling older ladies and very young ones Miss____________. I loved when people addressed me that way when I was a kid. 1
Samhain Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Just call her "oi", she will soon start loving you to call her by her first name! 1
Author Sunberry Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 I personally couldn't imagine calling a step parent anything other than their name. That's what I'm saying. Calling her Miss ___ is a mouthful, but she wants respect as a new parent so I understand why she wants to be called that. I can still respect her by not calling her that right? I don't respect my step-dad any less by calling him by his first name. My brother usually just spoke in his direction. He's been in the family for 5 years and my brother is just now calling him by his name.
Author Sunberry Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 I'm from the south so I'm used to calling older ladies and very young ones Miss____________. I loved when people addressed me that way when I was a kid. Coincidentally, we're a big southern family haha 1
almond Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 That's what I'm saying. Calling her Miss ___ is a mouthful, but she wants respect as a new parent so I understand why she wants to be called that. I can still respect her by not calling her that right? I don't respect my step-dad any less by calling him by his first name. My brother usually just spoke in his direction. He's been in the family for 5 years and my brother is just now calling him by his name. She wants respect, but she also needs to give it in return. Calling her by her name is hardly disrespectful! What were you calling her before she married your father? Stick with that - there is no reason it has to change. She is still the same person, as are you. If you feel most comfortable calling her by her name, just have a friendly chat with her, and let her know that you are really happy to have her in the family, but you feel most comfortable calling her by her name. Tell her you hope she understands, and leave it at that. Respect is a two way street, as is communication. Communicate this to her, and if there is any issue, have a chat to your father about it.
Samhain Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 You know what you should do.. You should say to her, "listen, I respect you a lot, but it feels real uncomfortable for me to call you miss anything and I want us to get along" either she suggests something you both agree on or she's just intent on making you feel un comfortable, period.
basil67 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Sunberry, if you're older than 14, I suggest you call her Miss (whatever her name is). But insist that she calls you Miss Sunberry in return. Respect goes both ways
AnAsianGirl Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 You know what you should do.. You should say to her, "listen, I respect you a lot, but it feels real uncomfortable for me to call you miss anything and I want us to get along" either she suggests something you both agree on or she's just intent on making you feel un comfortable, period. This is good advice.
stillafool Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 That's what I'm saying. Calling her Miss ___ is a mouthful, but she wants respect as a new parent so I understand why she wants to be called that. I can still respect her by not calling her that right? I don't respect my step-dad any less by calling him by his first name. My brother usually just spoke in his direction. He's been in the family for 5 years and my brother is just now calling him by his name. What did you call her before they married? Can't you still call her that?
introverted1 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Call her "Miss New Step Mom". Miss Evil New Step Mom! Can you just sort of not call her anything? Desn't sound like she's someone you'd want a lot of interaction with. 1
mrldii Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Miss Evil New Step Mom!... This should work, too. IF it doesn't, in the next couple of weeks change it up to "Miss Evil Current Step Mom". It'll put her on notice that just like the last wife was expendable, so is she. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 That's what I'm saying. Calling her Miss ___ is a mouthful, but she wants respect as a new parent so I understand why she wants to be called that. I can still respect her by not calling her that right? I don't respect my step-dad any less by calling him by his first name. My brother usually just spoke in his direction. He's been in the family for 5 years and my brother is just now calling him by his name. I don't understand this... are you an adult or under eighteen? If you're a teenager or an adult, she isn't a new parent. Eventually, stepparents can grown into much loved people who support us and who we gain a lot from, but just getting married and legally becoming 'stepparent' doesn't automatically mean she's a parent. You don't get married and automatically become your spouse's kids new Mom, especially if they're adults! I just call mine her name. For her to even have a problem with that sounds really weird and desperate, possibly a little controlling to me. Why is she so hell bent on asserting her authority and trying to control what you are comfortable with calling her? She's the one who's entered your family. Most stepparents take it slow and steady and understand it takes time to build a bond with your stepkids. Even when you are firm friends, it doesn't mean you have to be forced into referring to her by something in particular. Just call her by her name. If she has a problem with that, try asking her whether she think you're her stepdaughter, subordinate, or bank teller. She sounds like she's trying to throw an awful lot of weight around over something incredible insignificant. If you are an adult, time to assert yourself. Let her know you'll be calling her by her name because it's what you're comfortable with. If she wants to make an issue out of this, let her. Ain't nobody going to think that's unusual or out of order, except perhaps her. I don't know anyone who says 'hey, stepmom' or who would be happy sitting around a family meal and calling someone 'miss whatever'. 1
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 My dad got married and I have no idea what to call her because everything I do call her feels uncomfortable. I called her by her name and she doesn't like that. She says calling her Miss ____ would do or step-mom or anything else. When my mom got re-married my step-dad said he doesn't really care. So I called him by his first name for years. I gradually called him "Dad". Everything just feels awkward with a new mom.. You call her by her first name and that's that! She has no right to ask you to call her step mom or even "Miss xxxx", wtf, that's so formal! What does your dad say about this? May I ask how old you are? She isn't your mom, you have a mom already. This woman is your dad's new wife, and maybe in time once you get to know her better she will be a friend to you. She cannot and should not be trying to replace your mother.
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 That's what I'm saying. Calling her Miss ___ is a mouthful, but she wants respect as a new parent so I understand why she wants to be called that. I can still respect her by not calling her that right? I don't respect my step-dad any less by calling him by his first name. My brother usually just spoke in his direction. He's been in the family for 5 years and my brother is just now calling him by his name. She is NOT your parent, you have two already. She needs to understand HER role here and not cross the lines. I say call her by her first name and say that's what you feel comfortable with.
Tayla Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) Use social etiquette, Which is ......What name would you like to be addressed by? And by the way I prefer that you address me as ....(insert name of preference). In business and social arenas, its courteous to ask the person then refer to them by the selected choice. I come from old school which basically is to ask them, then respect their choice. Provided its not "Ohh yes your royal Highness" or "master of the universe". Those are already reserved for my puppies sidebar: My boss prefers that we address him by his first name, Yet I was raised that authority/professions be addressed with Doctor, Reverend, Rabbi, Congressmen...etc...You get the drift. Edited December 5, 2015 by Tayla
mrs rubble Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 If she's married your dad, she's no longer a "miss" call her mrs. Sunberry the second and ask her to call you miss. Sunberry. 2
Author Sunberry Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 I don't understand this... are you an adult or under eighteen? If you're a teenager or an adult, she isn't a new parent. Eventually, stepparents can grown into much loved people who support us and who we gain a lot from, but just getting married and legally becoming 'stepparent' doesn't automatically mean she's a parent. You don't get married and automatically become your spouse's kids new Mom, especially if they're adults! I just call mine her name. For her to even have a problem with that sounds really weird and desperate, possibly a little controlling to me. Why is she so hell bent on asserting her authority and trying to control what you are comfortable with calling her? She's the one who's entered your family. Most stepparents take it slow and steady and understand it takes time to build a bond with your stepkids. Even when you are firm friends, it doesn't mean you have to be forced into referring to her by something in particular. Just call her by her name. If she has a problem with that, try asking her whether she think you're her stepdaughter, subordinate, or bank teller. She sounds like she's trying to throw an awful lot of weight around over something incredible insignificant. If you are an adult, time to assert yourself. Let her know you'll be calling her by her name because it's what you're comfortable with. If she wants to make an issue out of this, let her. Ain't nobody going to think that's unusual or out of order, except perhaps her. I don't know anyone who says 'hey, stepmom' or who would be happy sitting around a family meal and calling someone 'miss whatever'. I'm 22.. I have two other siblings too and they're 17 and 21. I've been calling her by her name and then sometimes I'll include a miss. Most of time it's just her first name. The day before the wedding she says just her name won't do and that I need to come up with one with my siblings of which she gave what I posted. I called them and they became annoyed but after the wedding one of them said they'd try calling her "mom". I told my sibling I'm not doing that as I'm not there at all. She's damn near intimidating as well. So I could also talk to her but I have to build myself up todo it.
Author Sunberry Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 You call her by her first name and that's that! She has no right to ask you to call her step mom or even "Miss xxxx", wtf, that's so formal! What does your dad say about this? May I ask how old you are? She isn't your mom, you have a mom already. This woman is your dad's new wife, and maybe in time once you get to know her better she will be a friend to you. She cannot and should not be trying to replace your mother That's my relative tells me. I haven't talked to my dad about it as he's been stressed out about the wedding and have been on cloud 9 with the events.
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