Olivergood Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I have a woman I spend a couple evenings a week with for over a year now. She was my girlfriend on and off for 4 years. That was rocky and we had differing paths in life and split. We have now been seeing each other for over a year and get along well. We have not had any issues. She is upset w me now and giving me ultimatums that what we have is done now because I won't call her my girlfriend and we are not in a relationship. Also I won't kiss her and I am not having any communication with her about emotions. , I won't say I love her, I care about her.... I feel like this is just her wanting the next thing and she's going to keep pushing. She says I'm being mean.i feel like I can't make her happy. She says the same to me. Am I being mean? Our prior problems are what keeps me from doing these things she asks for.
SoThatHappened Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 What are the prior problems? I say sh.t or get off the pot. You should know if you love someone after spending 5 years with them. Sounds like you're both wasting each others' time to me. 2
carhill Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 For clarity, you socialize occasionally and have sex, but are not in a committed relationship. Does that summarize? If so, based on the limited information you've shared, you're apparently emotionally stuck over some past aspect of your interactions and won't work through that (it's a choice) and appear to be satisfied with things as they are. She's not. I'd call it a miss, as a title. If you're communicating all this stuff to her, and being clear, no, IMO, you're not being mean. She's an adult and can make her own choices and bears sole responsibility for them. If she knows where you stand, disagrees with how things are going and remains and complains, well, that's on her. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I have a woman I spend a couple evenings a week with for over a year now. She was my girlfriend on and off for 4 years. That was rocky and we had differing paths in life and split. We have now been seeing each other for over a year and get along well. We have not had any issues. She is upset w me now and giving me ultimatums that what we have is done now because I won't call her my girlfriend and we are not in a relationship. Also I won't kiss her and I am not having any communication with her about emotions. , I won't say I love her, I care about her.... I feel like this is just her wanting the next thing and she's going to keep pushing. She says I'm being mean.i feel like I can't make her happy. She says the same to me. Am I being mean? Our prior problems are what keeps me from doing these things she asks for. um, I think a title is necessary at this point--otherwise what is the point?? Same with kissing and sharing emotions--without that what is the point of "seeing each other" especially over this length of time?? Of course she wants the next thing, it's been 4 years on and off and you are STILL non-committal. It's time, my friend. Maybe it's the manner and tone in which she lets you know she wants these things that makes you reluctant and rebel against them? But wanting them at this stage is completely normal. Yes it seems like you are being mean, withholding and a commitment-phobe. It's hurtful if someone has invested their time and trust into you. Why don't you trust her enough or truly forgiven her from before to just go with things as they are now? Have you ever been in love or a serious relationship? It feels like you are punishing her, scared of being vulnerable and open from what you have written her. She may been a nag about the relationship stuff and that's no fun. Part of the problem is that she SHOULD just walk away if after this amount of time you are still reluctant. No point in arguing with you or trying to changing your mind--she should just walk. Over time and history, the likelihood of you giving her what she wants graciously and willingly is low and that's no fun, not to mention a horrible feeling. I hope you figure it out.
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