AlexDominico Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Say you dated one guy for 2.5 month, then you went to another country for few days holiday where another guy you liked a lot was, he was someone you hooked up with prior to relationship and you liked him a lot, but distance made it unworkable. So you really like this other guy a lot, a lot more than your bf. You went out on 3 friednly dates with him. Last date you both went club and got drunk. The guy you like a lot tried to kiss you, but you have a bf waiting for you at the airport. What would you say if he tried to kiss you? Would you kiss him? or say something? Please keep in mind you like this guy a lot more and you had amazing dates.
KatZee Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I'd probably kiss him. Sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear, and that you're the dude waiting at the airport.
CarrieT Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 So you really like this other guy a lot, a lot more than your bf. How do you know this? Or are you assuming? You went out on 3 friednly dates with him. Honestly, if I had a boyfriend waiting for me at home, there would not have been even ONE "friendly" date. If there were three, then it is a no-brainer that kissing - and more? - would occur...
RecentChange Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I have low morals 2.5 months? How serious? Like "I love you" serious or just dating? I'd probably kiss him. But the dates were the slippery slope. If I was planning to "be good" there wouldn't have been any dates at all. I don't go out on dates with dudes I don't want to make out with.
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I'm a grown woman not a girl, but I will answer your Q anyway. Assuming I already had the plans to go to my country when I met the guy I was dating for 2.5 months I probably never would agree to be exclusive with him knowing I was going to see the other guy. If at 2.5 months I had already told my BF that we were exclusive, I'd stay away from the other guy. If the thing with the BF was undefined & casual I would be free to do whatever / whoever & probably would kiss or more the guy from "my country" with whom I could not sustain an LDR.
mrldii Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Like d0nnivan, I've specifically been excluded from the question (and I have no underage daughters to ask), but I've always liked Johnny Depp's advice: "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." 4
Author AlexDominico Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 So I met this girl 3 month ago, had 4 dates, great sex once. She went back to Germany. Kept texting, she got a bf 1.5 month after, didnt tell me - i didnt ask, we kept texting. Tried to visit her as didn’t know she had a bf, she always said she was busy, always some excuse etc, seemed not that interested after getting bf but still txt. Tells me she cant do ldr because her last one failed and messed her up emotionally. Then I told her am dating this girl. She comes to London few weeks after I tell her that. She comes for 6 days. Her attitude was to confirm she made right decision dating that guy. First date: friendly coffee, shes really chatty, really happy, really friendly, tells me were friends. Second date: romantic walk in the park. Starts ok. Then she becomes extremely shy around me like never before, can see she’s sort of falling for me, on the way home on train shes playing with her hair and looks extremely confused. Third date – first drinks, finally we talk about people were seeing, she’s been dating guy for 2 month and am dating random girls. Looks very jealous when I tell her that. Then we ice skate, hold hands, spin around, have amazing time. Then go to a club both get drunk, dirty dance a lil no kissing. Both drunk at this point. Outside club she starts crying saying she was so sure she wants to live in Germany but after seeing me shes having doubts. Tells me she likes London a lot as we discussed before but is afraid to leave her family and friends behind in Germany. Also she has a bf. I say he doesn’t really mean much does he? she says no (not sure if being sincere) Cried and says shes so confused, and had her life planned but now isn’t sure. Says she knows she needs to make a choice between the two places and two guys. Breaks down crying and hugs me for like 10 minutes then says she wants to go home. We go home, she lives few roads from me, we walk past her street she says she has to go home, am like no lets go mine and drag her hand. She easily agrees. Go mine, try to give her a drink and relax. She looks very tense. At mine she says “This doesn’t make it any easier” (WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??), then she freaks out after 2 minute and says she needs to go home. I walk her back. While hugging goodbye she cries again, we hug a lot for like 10 min, she squeezes me like kid squeeze a parent, I kiss her neck a little, then try to kiss her lips, she says “I feel bad my bf is waiting at the airport”. I say you can stop anytime, we kiss for 3 seconds then she stops. Becomes tense and goes home. (Why didn’t she kiss me for longer if she likes me that much? did she feel bad for bf? Or not into me?) Next day before flight. I set up a goodbye coffee. She looks extremely nervous and shy. Looks sad. Avoids eye contact a little, not sure because of shyness or what. Tells me she revealed too much last night (not sure what part she’s referring to). Tells me shes not sure when shes coming again. Looks a lil emotional, shy and sad at same time. That’s pretty much it. SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT IS GOING ON TO ME! Is she just using me as backup guy? Or is she afraid of leaving everything behind? Why would she come London and go on dates with me if everything was so good with her bf? Why would she question her decisions if shes into her bf more than me? Is he a filler bf? But then again we didn’t have sex and I guess when she came back they did. But emotionally I seem to really have messed her up. I really want this girl.
frus69 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) Yep you have "back-up guy" written all over your face. Please do yourself a favour and leave And to your airport question, does it even matter she kissed him or not? Even if she didn't, she still likes him and is only with you for continence Edited December 3, 2015 by frus69
kassy Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 If I was still friends with the guy in the new country I'd catch up a few times sure, but it's not be a date from my point of view just catching up with a friend, might as well be a girl for all I care. If I still had feelings for him I wouldn't be dating my boyfriend (just the way I roll). So if he did make a move on me in any way shape or form that wouldn't be well received and would be the end of us hanging out because I would have made it very clear I have a boyfriend I really like up front. If I suspected he wanted to be more than friends still then I also wouldn't see him as I'm not going to keep that flame alive. Only you know your partner. I mean the former love of my life is someone I still have a lot of fond feelings for, but not in a sexual way. We tried that, it didn't work and for many reasons wasn't ever going to work. If he's in my city we still catch up, he even gives me dating advice and we laugh at his dating disasters, we are friends who know each other in a way that gives us perspectives which may be helpful. While he is gorgeous nothing on earth would get me to so much as kiss him, and I'm single/dating. If I was in a relationship this wouldn't change. Just because I like him as a person and genuinely care for him doesn't mean I want to get it on with him. You need to establish if your fears are valid or just insecurities. If they are valid then I'm not sure why you are dating this person. But don't just make sweeping judgements from an insecure place (like how do you know she likes him more than you????)
Author AlexDominico Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 thanks for replies. well actually she kissed me for like 3 seconds and stopped. she was uncomfortable with it. am not sure if she felt bad for her bf and has high morals like that. or shes simply more into her bf and did it out of pity for me. but why would she go on 3-4 dates in 6 days with me and come visit london in first place (where I am) if it was her bf she wanted? full story here if anyone interested http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/560171-story-so-far
mystikmind2005 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Like d0nnivan, I've specifically been excluded from the question (and I have no underage daughters to ask), but I've always liked Johnny Depp's advice: "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." That advice applies to people who take the time to think about their actions and anticipate consequences. Most people don't do that with a high degree of consistently if at all, so no, for the most part, its dead wrong.
mrldii Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 That advice applies to people who take the time to think about their actions and anticipate consequences. Most people don't do that with a high degree of consistently if at all, so no, for the most part, its dead wrong. Oh, I can't - and don't - speak for most people. That's why I specifically said "I've always liked...". When I love one person, I don't go on dates/kiss/hang-out/fall in love with another person. In my defense, I did point out that I'm not qualified to answer the question, as I am not a "girl", so it's to be presumed that whatever post I made would be the "dead wrong" answer, as you pointed out. 1
angel.eyes Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 But emotionally I seem to really have messed her up. I really want this girl. Don't flatter yourself so. The only person worried about whether this works out is you! She's off with her boyfriend now...or lining up yet another option. Seriously, don't chase after women who have boyfriends! It won't end well for you. Let's leave aside the fact that you're clearly her backup. Even if by some stroke of luck, you "win," you still lose! Do you really want a girlfriend who's busy lining up other guys while she's in a relationship with you?
mystikmind2005 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Oh, I can't - and don't - speak for most people. That's why I specifically said "I've always liked...". When I love one person, I don't go on dates/kiss/hang-out/fall in love with another person. In my defense, I did point out that I'm not qualified to answer the question, as I am not a "girl", so it's to be presumed that whatever post I made would be the "dead wrong" answer, as you pointed out. Actually i like the saying! My complaint is that more people don't follow it! lol Just sad people don't think about their actions, they just dive straight in to trouble and then later on are all remorseful and crap for what they did when it is all so easy to anticipate and not do it in the first place!! 1
Recommended Posts