NoLeafClover Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) Started talking to this 29 yr old via FB..(im the same age) Have some mutual friends with her..she came kinda.. off but I tagged along with it. She starts to tell me how she was depressed and how she has thought about committing suicide but has stopped..of course it raised and eye brow but I started to feel a bit more for her..I had a good friend who committed suicide and told her the story and all. I liked what I saw on fb but I wasn't sure about her personality and some of the things she was saying. Like how she claimed her ex's abused her and she never got along with her mom or other people. She constantly sounded like she was down and would always say she was never going to find a guy because noone wants her..she would say everyone is doing their own thing and don't care about her and always tell her they are busy... A few days of talking and she asked me to meet in person some time soon since we live close..I said sure and shortly after I accident hit the call button on facebook. It rang once and I right away hungup..didn't even know you could do that... Anyway I apologized and she goes "I dont talk on the phone" This is so odd to me. How can you not want to feel things out on the phone before actually meeting up. I was a bit confused , at first I thought she was joking but realized she is serious. I tried to explain to her that it was kinda weird and she started to get all pissy...and top it all ..she texts "we aren't getting an anywhere" and then BLOCKS ME as I am typing that it was fine just odd. How disrespectful. ...WTF? Am I the only one finding this odd? With the things she was saying...no way in hell I'd meet her in person without getting a feel over the phone. Edited December 3, 2015 by NoLeafClover 1
SwordofFlame Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 It's a generational thing. Everyone texts these days. While I'm not 100% opposed to talking on the phone, I'm not very comfortable doing it either. I'm 28. 1
KatZee Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I'm 31 and I really don't like speaking on the phone before a meet up. I find it awkward as hell. Meet me in person, lets vibe in person, and if it gets past there, then we'll talk on the phone. I really don't understand the dudes that have to "get a vibe" from a phone call. What vibe are you even getting? You're not in my presence, you're not looking at me, I'm just a voice. I've had a few dudes call me and it gets weird pretty quickly. We're not friends, I'm not going to sit and talk to you about my day, we're not at that point. Literally, don't call me before we meet. I'm meeting a dude tomorrow for a first date and he called me on Monday. He said some "I like to talk to a person before we meet" blah blah blah, and I was like yeah I'm walking to grab dinner with a friend, and I got off that call real fast. Like, unless you're on fire, don't call me. 6
newt Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 If someone can't have atleast one phone conversation before meeting then I decide not to meet at all because to me it's a red flag. Don't see the issue with a 25 to 30 min phone convo before a face to face meeting. 4
KatZee Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I had one guy tell me that he spoke to his dates before the meet up to "ensure the fact that they were female." Not sure how often this is a "thing" online, you dudes getting catfished by other dudes, or by transgender people, but either way don't get at all how you can know anything from a phone call. You still have no clue if who's on the phone is who you're looking at online. I hate awkward phone calls. I don't see this as a red flag. Save the phone calls for when we've gotten to know each other a bit and it's not awkward and we have stuff to talk about. I don't want to sit on the phone and discuss every thing I would have talked about IN PERSON on the date. 4
katiegrl Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I can understand a quick phone call before meeting -- NOT 20-30 minutes though, that isn't necessary IMO. Although if you're clicking, anything is possible - and yes it is possible to click over the phone, it's happened to me a few times. Some people are more audio-oriented as opposed to visually-oriented... and can get a "vibe" simply from hearing another's voice. Not the conversation itself....but just someone's voice. I know I can. I did OLD very briefly way back when ... and after hearing a guy's voice, I could tell very quickly whether or not we would click in person. If you are more visually-oriented, then of course, meeting in person is better so you can get that vibe in person. But again for some who are more audio-oriented, then hearing someone's voice first is almost a must before meeting. Just a quick convo maybe confirming plans.... nothing long-winded though, save that for the first meet. 1
clia Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I think you dodged a bullet. She sounds like a total downer who is full of issues and drama. Why did you even want to meet her after all that? I never cared one way or the other about talking on the phone before a meet. I'm not a phone person, but if the guy wanted to talk, I would do it.
katiegrl Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I think you dodged a bullet. She sounds like a total downer who is full of issues and drama. Why did you even want to meet her after all that? I never cared one way or the other about talking on the phone before a meet. I'm not a phone person, but if the guy wanted to talk, I would do it. I agree... OP she just saved you a lot of time. Her voice is probably high and squeaky (or deep and throaty)...and when she's done the phone thing in the past... her voice has probably turned guys off ..... so she now avoids... and aggressively insists on meeting in person first. I dunno....just speculating of course... but I do think you dodged a bullet.
MissLY Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I'm 31 and I really don't like speaking on the phone before a meet up. I find it awkward as hell. Meet me in person, lets vibe in person, and if it gets past there, then we'll talk on the phone. I really don't understand the dudes that have to "get a vibe" from a phone call. What vibe are you even getting? You're not in my presence, you're not looking at me, I'm just a voice. I've had a few dudes call me and it gets weird pretty quickly. We're not friends, I'm not going to sit and talk to you about my day, we're not at that point. Literally, don't call me before we meet. I'm meeting a dude tomorrow for a first date and he called me on Monday. He said some "I like to talk to a person before we meet" blah blah blah, and I was like yeah I'm walking to grab dinner with a friend, and I got off that call real fast. Like, unless you're on fire, don't call me. So much WORD to this. I met a guy on tinder recently, and he insisted that we talk on the phone before we meet. That made me roll my eyes, but I did anyway. When we met in person, he was fine, seemed a little eager, but all was good. The moment the date ended, he called and texted me immediately trying to set up a second date. Desperate much? I ignored him. He ended up calling me over 10 times that weekend. I ended up blocking him. I guess this guy thought we had a connection since we chatted a few times before the date. I've learned my lesson Seriously. Lets meet first, see if we vibe, then go from there. Period. 3
newt Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 It maybe a generational thing because those who are 21-29 will not talk on the phone. And those who are 31 and up are more likely to chat on the phone before meeting. 1
SoThatHappened Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Who in their right mind would waste a perfectly good evening on a first date without knowing what you're getting into? Especially when you both have each others' numbers! Sheesh, I almost wasted probably $50 and a couple hours on a date from OLD. That is, until I heard her speak. So many red flags and just couldn't stand her. Couldn't WAIT to get off the phone and tell her, "Sorry, I don't think we would be a good match." No conversation before possibly wasting an evening together? No thanks, I like to vet dates a little better than BS text/FB/OLD messages. Lots of people with baggage out there. 5
Erik30 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 She did you a favor. It can be really draining when you're dealing with someone who is so negative all the time. You barely knew her and she was already talking about suicide, depression, her abusive ex, etc. I can imagine that would become only worse. And I also don't talk on the phone, unless it's neccessary for something important of course. Texting/chatting online kind off replaced that.
angel.eyes Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 So many red flags clapping all over this, even without the issue of the not-happening phone call! Let this go so that she can find other people to not get along with, etc. 1
Karine26 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 To me, it seems like common sense to want to at least hear a person's voice before you meet a stranger online. (early 30s here) I think those who say they are not comfortable doing so (especially girls bc of the safety issue) probably have a few screws loose lol...not all, but many. I once had a date scheduled with a guy who seemed decent through email and then when I talked to him he sounded like he barely passed the 5th grade. I canceled. One thing I learned from a lot of these threads is that guys seems to like dramatic women&scenarios. This seems like another example; but this sounds like a real mess and I don't see many things good coming out of this. Her decision to talk or to not talk on the phone seems like the least of your worries 4
xcupid Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 No way in hell I'd meet her at all. What the heck are you thinking? Pass.
Chelsea5019 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 For me, hearing someone's voice on the phone before meeting them is great foreplay. Otherwise, I'm not sure it makes much of a difference.
newt Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 For me, hearing someone's voice on the phone before meeting them is great foreplay. Otherwise, I'm not sure it makes much of a difference. I like that human connection instead of just typing words on a electronic device. So I agree 100%
SwordofFlame Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I've gone on plenty of dates from OLD, not once did I talk to them on the phone before meeting. And not once did their voice turn out to be a dealbreaker. I'll continue taking my chances. 3
newt Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I just have this feeling that meeting someone face to face without chatting on the phone first increases my chances of being stood up. 1
SoThatHappened Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I just have this feeling that meeting someone face to face without chatting on the phone first increases my chances of being stood up. I agree. It's actually saved me a couple times. It's so normal with texting to hide how ignorant, damaged, or generally out there people are... especially with punctuation and emojis. My experience anyway. I just wouldn't waste time on a date when I found out all I needed to know in one, actual, real conversation. Texting and emailing hides so much. You don't know me from Adam right now, but if we spent 20 minutes on the phone, it would be much different than 20 texts back and forth over a week. Something about tone, reflection, talking over someone, not listening, etc... all becomes obvious in an actual conversation. 3
Ami1uwant Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Those 30 and under don't talk on the phone, they prefer to text. Actually it's better for you yo limit the talking on the phone and instead do it face to face.
newt Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I agree. It's actually saved me a couple times. It's so normal with texting to hide how ignorant, damaged, or generally out there people are... especially with punctuation and emojis. My experience anyway. I just wouldn't waste time on a date when I found out all I needed to know in one, actual, real conversation. Texting and emailing hides so much. You don't know me from Adam right now, but if we spent 20 minutes on the phone, it would be much different than 20 texts back and forth over a week. Something about tone, reflection, talking over someone, not listening, etc... all becomes obvious in an actual conversation. Exactly and plus I need to confirm she is a woman which is why I need to on the phone. lol
Superman2024 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) It maybe a generational thing because those who are 21-29 will not talk on the phone. And those who are 31 and up are more likely to chat on the phone before meeting. I think this is pretty much true. I'm 31 and like to talk to someone first but soon realized most girls just want to text and I've only been talking with girls in their 20's so far. I'm fine with texting also just not too much before we meet. Also, I always look them up on social media to confirm things about them including whether they are a woman or not lol. Edited December 3, 2015 by bluestealth
newt Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I think this is pretty much true. I'm 31 and like to talk to someone first but soon realized most girls just want to text and I've only been talking with girls in their 20's so far. I'm fine with texting also just not too much before we meet. Also, I always look them up on social media to confirm things about them including whether they are a woman or not lol. Not only that it could be someone in high school playing games so you won't know for sure until you hear the voice and have a conversation.
lino Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I'm 31 and I really don't like speaking on the phone before a meet up. I find it awkward as hell. Meet me in person, lets vibe in person, and if it gets past there, then we'll talk on the phone. I really don't understand the dudes that have to "get a vibe" from a phone call. What vibe are you even getting? You're not in my presence, you're not looking at me, I'm just a voice. I've had a few dudes call me and it gets weird pretty quickly. We're not friends, I'm not going to sit and talk to you about my day, we're not at that point. Literally, don't call me before we meet. I'm meeting a dude tomorrow for a first date and he called me on Monday. He said some "I like to talk to a person before we meet" blah blah blah, and I was like yeah I'm walking to grab dinner with a friend, and I got off that call real fast. Like, unless you're on fire, don't call me. Talking on the phone was always part of the getting to know someone process as far as I knew? If I got the kind of response you gave that poor bloke simply for having the audacity to call you, there wouldn't be any first meeting. What do you do to telemarketers? Find them and stab them? Making phone calls isn't a heinous crime. 2
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