Where exactly is your hard boundary [regarding infidelity]?

[underpants]

I have been through hell. The extent of my wife's betrayal is titanic and I've been lied to about the extent over and over again as she tried to protect herself and save the marriage. I doubt I will ever know the 100% truth. I would have sworn on a stack of bibles I would leave in an instant for half of what I found but I stayed.

 

I stayed because I'm 100% sure she ended it instantly when I found out. She never blamed me, not once, and has been on her knees trying to save the marriage ever since. She has been in therapy for more than a year and a half and shows deep, deep remorse and has taken and accepted levels of anger on my part I simply didn't know I was capable of. I know some of the reasons I truly believe it happened and know it wasn't me. Despite daily pain our marriage has reached a very different place then it was before and frankly is all I've ever wanted if not for the knowledge of what has occurred weighing on me everyday.

 

That said... where is my line? Easy. Never, ever again. Anything. Any secret moving forward. A secret phone call with any man, an email... anything... doesn't have to be physical, doesn't have to even have a history... the slightest mistake tomorrow or 30 years from now I walk away. I don't care how much money I lose or the consequences on my kids, I know I can have a clean conscience I have done all I could and more than I ever should have to try and save this. The line in the sand going forward is nothing short of perfection.

 

What a story. Do you carry resentment?

[underpants]

How on earth could any of this be decided until its lived?

 

Haven't you?

 

If you have not lived through any sort of betrayal, then count yourself lucky.

 

If you have and not put your head in the sand, rug swept, evened the slate, or spackled to 'repair' the not a wall, but a person relationship, but feel owed because of sunk costs... How does all that sacrifice feel?

 

Worth the money/lifestyle?

 

Do you feel you 'earned it'? (pardon my grammar)

[MrDuck]

Never been in that scenario but I think my line would be: One kiss, one time, any more than that and we're done.

[preraph]

As a woman who, when in love, doesn't really even notice other guys, my boundary is if I love you, I don't want anybody else, though I may have male friends and I can't control what they're up to in their heads. I used to expect the same from a man, but never found one who was that genuinely invested to just not want other women, so I decided those are rare. But I would never keep one who wasn't able to love that deeply, so I didn't.

 

Bare minimum, even after things become routine, if you genuinely love another person in any way, the very last thing you would consider doing is something to hurt them, like infidelity. It's just basic empathy.

[underpants]

I would like to thank everyone for their answers.

[road]

How on earth could any of this be decided until its lived?

 

 

 

Simple. It is just decided by many. They say what the mean and do what they say.

 

 

For others, people say things only for lip service, posturing, putting up a front, but have no intention of backing them up when the manure hits the propeller.

[katielee]

And I say most people do not know their reaction until it happens to them.

[katielee]

Haven't you?

 

If you have not lived through any sort of betrayal, then count yourself lucky.

 

If you have and not put your head in the sand, rug swept, evened the slate, or spackled to 'repair' the not a wall, but a person relationship, but feel owed because of sunk costs... How does all that sacrifice feel?

 

Worth the money/lifestyle?

 

Do you feel you 'earned it'? (pardon my grammar)

 

Yep. And the love too. Makes me feel like I'm a strong person.

[fellini]

And I say most people do not know their reaction until it happens to them.

 

I think I would add, most people think they know how they will react but only when put in a crisis situation do they find out for sure.

 

There is no question that people will do things they never thought they would do, when the stakes are higher.

 

I can safely say I won't remain friends with someone who betrays me or my confidence. And I put that principle into practice. But it's another thing altogether to say I would never give my spouse another chance, after 5, 10, 15 years of marriage.

[underpants]

Yep. And the love too. Makes me feel like I'm a strong person.

 

Interesting.

[Floveet]

I will answer as a cheater.

 

In the past, I used to cheat with no boundaries, regrets or such.

No girl ever found out and that's sad. I always told myself that they just didn't care about me and were all trapped in kind of a sweet bubble where i am so perfect and so attentionated that I would never betray them.

 

Long story short, now after a year of relationship without cheating here is how i do with my new boundaries.

 

I organise party, DJ and produce music... Already a bad start for someone participating actively in the nightlife world. Beside that i have a full time job as a manager but i meet new people everyday, every night.

However I have fixed my boundaries. As hot as any girl talk or initiate a talk with me (I never ever do myself), I will look at the way she look at me, the message she send but more importantly share with my Girlfriend that i find this or that girl attractive if it's true and express what i feel.

 

It can hurt, but it's honest. In that way she can tell me if the girl is interested or just friendly texting.

If the girl is flirty, i will politely ask her to **** off, or just go away (while in clubs)

 

I really hate now to play, organise if my GF is not around because I sometimes feel afraid to be weak, but respecting my rules helps a lot .

But i guess it's mostly because i really care about this girl.

 

So as a conclusion :

Having boundaries are important

Respecting them is much more important

But mostly, having someone open for communication is something that helps more than ever.

Finally, once a cheater, not always a cheater