My girlfriend broke off our 1 year relationship due to anxiety/depression

[cesura]

I'm hoping someone can shed some light on this situation I've found myself in. My girlfriend [19F] and I [19M] had been dating for about a year, until yesterday when she broke things off.

 

Long story short, she's been suffering from some pretty bad anxiety (and likely depression), and I've been doing my best to be understanding and supportive of her. She's not medicated, and to my knowledge she hasn't sought any help from a professional, so obviously it's been difficult for her.

 

She and I go to different colleges, and don't really have that many friends to speak of at our respective schools (although I have a group of extremely close friends from high school that I've kept in contact with daily). Because of this (in conjunction with the fact that we're both not very social people), we had become a bit dependent on each other as a source of friendship. Despite the distance (about 2 hours by train), we have made an effort to see each other every single weekend when possible, and not once was the journey up to her not worth it.

 

Personal details aside, she had been acting distant for a few days, culminating in a skype conversation last night where she broke it off, in tears. Her reasoning was that she is unhappy, but is not quite sure if the unhappiness is tied to the *relationship*, or tied to the *depression.* Going into it, she had just said that "she had some things she needed to talk about," but as the conversation progressed I think I pressured her into making a rash decision about breaking it off. After all, I'm not the kind of person that wants to "take a break" and put my life on hold while waiting for her to make a decision.

 

I love her very much, and I plan to maintain no contact with her for a few weeks, as hard as that may be. I still worry about her daily, and whether or not she's coping with her problems effectively. To me, it seems like one of those cases where she "doesn't want to bring me down with her," referring to her depression. So without any of the "you're too young, go out and party" rhetoric: what should I do? Is it worth waiting around for a little while to see if she comes back?

 

NOTE: I can say with almost 99.9% certainty that there is not another guy involved. She doesn't have the courage to speak to that many /girls/ at her college, let alone guys.

[d0nnivain]

College changes people. It's exam time which ratchets up the stress. Leave her be but send her a Christmas card in a few weeks.

 

 

Understand you are her BF, not her therapist. You can't fix her. All you can do is let her go

[mightycpa]

I'm hoping someone can shed some light on this situation I've found myself in. My girlfriend [19F] and I [19M] had been dating for about a year, until yesterday when she broke things off.

 

Long story short, she's been suffering from some pretty bad anxiety (and likely depression), and I've been doing my best to be understanding and supportive of her. She's not medicated, and to my knowledge she hasn't sought any help from a professional, so obviously it's been difficult for her.

It's a big problem at schools today. Sometimes, it's people who don't belong at college, but who went anyway, and are finding it extremely hard to cope. Others went to schools above their academic ability. Still others can hack the work, but it takes all of their effort, and there is nothing else. Others experience it because of the size of the school. Others, because they've left home, or left a BF/GF. Others, because late teens is when this kind of thing starts to reveal itself. It's a big problem.

 

She and I go to different colleges, and don't really have that many friends to speak of at our respective schools (although I have a group of extremely close friends from high school that I've kept in contact with daily). Because of this (in conjunction with the fact that we're both not very social people), we had become a bit dependent on each other as a source of friendship.

Not good. Twelve days of relative isolation in exchange for two days of catching up, still isolated.

Despite the distance (about 2 hours by train), we have made an effort to see each other every single weekend when possible, and not once was the journey up to her not worth it.

 

Personal details aside, she had been acting distant for a few days, culminating in a skype conversation last night where she broke it off, in tears. Her reasoning was that she is unhappy, but is not quite sure if the unhappiness is tied to the *relationship*, or tied to the *depression.*

Could be the school, could be her peer group going out and having a blast, and she wants "in"

Going into it, she had just said that "she had some things she needed to talk about," but as the conversation progressed I think I pressured her into making a rash decision about breaking it off. After all, I'm not the kind of person that wants to "take a break" and put my life on hold while waiting for her to make a decision.

You may have stumbled into the right answer.

 

I love her very much, and I plan to maintain no contact with her for a few weeks, as hard as that may be. I still worry about her daily, and whether or not she's coping with her problems effectively. To me, it seems like one of those cases where she "doesn't want to bring me down with her," referring to her depression. So without any of the "you're too young, go out and party" rhetoric: what should I do? Is it worth waiting around for a little while to see if she comes back?

You should become an independent male, and work on your lifelong connections while you have this short chance. With respect to her, you should assume she's a big girl and can figure out if she wants you or not. You shouldn't have to convince someone to be with you, unless you are a terrible person who is too ugly to look at and unbearable to be with. If that's not you, then all of your relationships should be unforced.

 

NOTE: I can say with almost 99.9% certainty that there is not another guy involved. She doesn't have the courage to speak to that many /girls/ at her college, let alone guys.

Whether there is or is not, that doesn't matter. If she dumps you because the sky is blue, or because she has her sights set on some guy, to you, the result is the same. So don't worry about it. Guys will hit on her; all she has to do is say yes.

[SoThatHappened]

I've told this story before, but when I was 21, living with a buddy, and attending college, I got a phone call from a solicitor in the middle of a Saturday.

 

He said I don't want to bother you, but it's my job to call people up, give them a survey, and they get coupons (or something) in the mail.

 

Anyway, I was bored so I agreed to the survey:

 

Him: How old are you?

Me: 21.

H: Are you married or single?

M: Single?

H: Any kids?

M: No.

H: Are you in college?

M: Yes, last year of school.

 

He just stopped and said, "I'm not going to waste any more of your time. Do you know what I'd give to be in your shoes right now? Go out and have fun and drink a beer for me."

 

Me: Yes sir. Will do.

 

I likely proceeded to get way too drunk, playing too much pool, flirting with girls, and finishing the night with a Halo tournament.

 

Now I'm 35... What I'd give to be in college again, even for a week!

 

My point is, enjoy this time in your life. Get out there, live, have fun, make mistakes. If you don't do it now, you'll regret it the rest of your life.

 

I also purposefully stayed "mostly" single in college. One of the best decisions I ever made.