noturbby Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Sooo... I was using my boyfriend of 4 years' computer, and I opened an unnamed folder on his desktop. Inside I found pictures of various girls, both naked and clothed. At least one of the girls look familiar, another I've definitely met before. He is at work right now, and won't be home for another 6 hours. I'm not sure what to do with this. I feel so... lost. It's not like I can just move out, and I don't really have a great job to live on my own. But I also don't want to live with someone who is likely cheating one me. Any advice on how to proceed or even just some kind words would be appreciated... I'm not 100% he is cheating because these are just selfies or whatever. What's the best way I could find out?
Friskyone4u Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 First, take a screenshot of the photos and send them to yourself. HIs first reaction is most likely going to be denial of anything. He will make you out to be crazy. Next you have to decide what is cheating. You are looking at naked pictures of other women. They did not just arrive there bgy accident and apparently they are not just porn shots, they are people you may know. So first answer do you really need to catch him in the act. i think most would say whatever he is doing is not appropriate. 2
spanz1 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 sorry you are here. it is important to know what the rules of a relationship are, especially if it is BF/GF and live-in. Did you two ever discuss dating others, or discuss how you were going to be monogamous? these things actually need to be discussed and agreed upon. Clearly, from your post, you were thinking this was a 100% monogamous relationship...so you have to ask him why he does not agree with that, and why he would be hiding these new "friends" from you. It is going to be hard for your relationship to move forward unless this is ironed out. I understand that financial times are tough, and it is a sound idea to share your housing costs with other friends. but along with that, it you are dating one of the house members....then what do you do it things go asunder? Move out in the middle of a lease term? Live there hating every time you see the guy? You have an incentive to work this out to some sort of reasonable conclusion....at least until the current lease expires and you can move out easily.
jbb13 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Firstly, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I actually found a similar awkward stash of photos in my girlfriends phone, except at least two of them looked like she was taking part in the activity. I was planning on proposing, already had the ring, but didn't think directly confronting her was the best route since I wasn't intending to snoop through her stuff. So rather than put the burden on me and add to the stress, I actually found a private investigator. I told her I had to go out of town for a weekend trip, and had him stakeout our townhouse. She (the PI through trustify) ended up finding her colleague staid over for an evening. She told me she was just having her sister over. Needless to say I broke things off. This was three weeks ago.. it hurt then and it hurts now, but I've moved in with a friend until I can figure out my next step. 1
dichotomy Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Are you sure these are not old photos (before he met you?). In any case SAY NOTHING right now. You need to gather more information - get access to emails/Facebook and more. Put monitoring software on his computer to get access to more information. This has been said all the time here - and I will repeat it - do not confront a potential cheater until you have really gathered all the information you can. Don't act different towards him. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Sooo... I was using my boyfriend of 4 years' computer, and I opened an unnamed folder on his desktop. Translation - you were snooping on his computer to check up on him. Did you already suspect something was amiss ??? Mr. Lucky
Spectre Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) Nothing wrong with snooping IMO. Her snooping allowed her to find out that he keeps naked pictures of females he works with. Good job. People tend to get caught up in the whole "breach of privacy" aspect without realizing privacy is utterly irrelevant when compared to potentially living a lie with someone. Not living a lie and knowing whether or not someone is faithful>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>privacy. Someone said maybe they are old, but it's not like she found them buried in some hidden folder, it was a folder right on the desktop. Though you can certainly right click on the photos and go to "properties" and find out the date of when he put the pictures on the PC. But I also do love how her clicking a folder that was RIGHT on his desktop constitutes her snooping around. It's not like she broke into his email and I also saw no mention of how she wasn't allowed to use the computer or anything. But meh we can jump right to "she was checking up on him" I suppose. I mean there would be no other reason to click a folder right on the desktop, surely boredom never could cause such a thing. Edited December 9, 2015 by Spectre 2
Mr. Lucky Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 But meh we can jump right to "she was checking up on him" I suppose. Your misinterpreting what I said though, upon rereading, I agree my post could have been more clearly phrased. I meant to ask if there was some pre-existing reason or trigger that caused her to check up on him. History of infidelity? Suspicious actions? Unexplained absences? Might be a moot point, OP hasn't been back... Mr. Lucky 1
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