congrats19 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 So I never thought I'd be on one of these online communities, but here we are. Long story short my ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for four years(17-21). I was always the cautious one who knew we were very young to be so serious, but he was always sure and never once had any doubts about us. Now that we are finishing up college(we both went to the same school) I really felt in my heart that he was the one. We talked about moving in together, getting married, having kids and all of that. He was my best friend and we genuinely enjoyed each others company. Then suddenly a few months ago he ended things out of nowhere. A few weeks prior we went on vacation and had an amazing time. I had just gotten a job offer a few days after the vacation and things seemed to be going great. Then once we arrived back at school things were still normal for the first few days, and then out of nowhere he said he needed space because he felt like he lost himself. His reasons were all over the place for a few days. He said he lost himself and it wasn't fair to me, but then said we were too comfortable together and we were only together because it was familiar. Then he would say he loved me "but wasn't sure if it was enough". The reasons jumped around for a few days and then finally he ended it and i was heartbroken. I texted him for about a week after the breakup trying to figure out what went wrong and he had no answers for me so after that I went NC and deleted him on all forms of social media. Its been two months since the breakup and I still find it really hard to move on with no explanation whatsoever. Since we do go to the same school I see him out from time to time and he always looks so drunk and lost(which is uncommon for him, he wasn't a big drinker when we dated). I have heard from friends that he's started smoking weed daily, which is also out of character. He seems to have drifted from the group of guys he always hangout with and now he spends his time with people that I never would have expected. He can't even look me in the eyes and he runs away whenever he sees me. It is the worst feeling seeing someone on a daily basis that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with and feeling like you don't even know them anymore. If anyone has any insight or experience with a similar situation it would be much appreciated. I still go back and forth in my head wondering if I would even want him to come back. Our relationship was amazing the entire time so this breakup is just so out of character.
Nickr3023 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Unfortunately you learn when you're that young that you go through so many changes at this point in your life. From 16-21 you change as a person many times over as you try and figure out who you are. Then from 20-30 there's even more changes. You go from being essentially a dumb and naive teenager into an adult, and those changes during that time are huge. It seems that you're both just going through those changes and you've simply drifted apart. It's sad when it happens, but trust me, you're not the only one that it's happened to. Take this time to figure out who exactly you are, while he does the same. Maybe somewhere down the road you guys reconnect and you're both on the same path, or you'll realize that you're both 2 completely different people now. This is just unfortunately how life plays out for just about everyone.
Author congrats19 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Nick, I agree that changes occur in this period of time. But we had both done a lot to grow apart, but we also grew together. Everyone was shocked by our breakup. Our family, my friends, his friends. His close friends said it came out of nowhere to them too, and that I didn't deserve the way things ended. No one saw it coming. And now he has become this completely different person than who I dated for four years.
mightycpa Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) I agree with Nick. Further while I'm not surprised that somebody from your age group never saw it coming, I'm frankly agog that an adult from your family didn't predict this as a possibility and at least warn you of what might happen. Mind you, such a warning would have fallen on your deaf ears, but surely somebody considered it a possibility and is not surprised in the least. He's just catching up and doing all the stuff that he should have been doing at college. He'll get out into the real world and get a job and start dating and having other types of adult single fun and then one day, he'll find somebody and he'll begin the life that you envision with him. Maybe it will be you, maybe not. You could probably use a little time in the sun too. Might as well get used to the idea and have some fun, even if it doesn't seem that attractive right now. Not sure what to tell you other than this doesn't go back to the way it was, except that he probably can't articulate what changed in him, except in the most rudimentary and cruelest of ways, and he has no desire to hurt you any more than he has already. That's why you're not getting the tidy explanation you think you need. You don't need it, by the way. The truth would be very unsatisfying to you. Edited December 2, 2015 by mightycpa
Drops-of-Jupiter Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 This thread is uncannily similar to a situation I'm currently going through. My girlfriend of 3 and a half years recently broke up with me on very short notice after we moved to a new city together (not living together but very close by). We still run into each other quite often. I'm not going to lie, its difficult at first coming to terms with it all. Like your boyfriend, my girlfriend never gave me any proper reasons for the breakup. But sooner or later you just have to stop beating yourself up about it and move on. It may not happen straight away but believe me it will happen. I went through the worst few weeks of my life and then one day I woke up and suddenly it wasn't so bad. Just focus on making yourself feel better. Its natural to worry about how he's doing but at the end of the day he ended it with you and has to face the consequences of doing so which means you won't be there to support him anymore. I'm now in a state of mind where seeing my ex doesn't make me upset. We can have a civilised conversation like old friends when we're out and about. Just remember that everything happens for a reason. You may have thought they were the one (I certainly did), but down the line you'll realise that some things just aren't meant to be. Keep your head held high and start worrying about yourself first. We've all been there, it gets better
Author congrats19 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 Thanks for the reply everyone it is greatly appreciated. The thing is though that he has been acting so bizarre since the breakup. He cutoff his friends, didn't go home for a big family event, etc. Everything he has done has been very out of character for him. I've known him for 5 years and this is a side to him I have never seen, and neither has his friends. He always used to go out once in awhile, but would never get too drunk. Now he's been blacking out, crying at the bar, throwing up at the bar, and whenever I see him or my friends see him he's usually alone which is bizarre for him. When he's not doing this he's smoking weed getting high (alone) in his room. Should I be worried that he's going through some sort of crisis? Nothing like this has ever happened before. And just a few days before the breakup he was telling me how he wants to marry me and how I'm everything he's ever wanted in a relationship.
Recommended Posts