DodgersFan15 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) I was dumped over 4 months ago by my GF of over a year. While I have gotten over it in many ways and no longer emotionally care about her, or think about us reconciling, one thing that still hasn't gone away is my fear that I will never find someone I love like her. Maybe it's because I haven't been in many relationships throughout my life or that I'm very picky, but it's a real fear that scares me. I have this fear that I will end up just settling in the end and it seriously depresses the living **** out of me. What also makes it worse is that I'm older (early 30's) so I don't have a large playing pool of women to choose from now. I guess what's also driving this is that I've met two very nice girls within the past month through mutual friends that I'm talking to and am currently just friends with. Even though both are awesome, I just don't have that same chemistry or passion in me to get to know them. My friends keep telling me those feelings and emotions come with time and I haven't gotten to know either one of them, but I also compare to how I felt when I met my ex and it was so different. I just don't have that same spark/passion in me. To any members on this board who were previously dumped, did you also have this fear in you?? How long did it last?? Did your new relationship(s) with your new partner(s) ever live up to the previous one?? And if not, how or why did you manage to overcome it?? Edited December 2, 2015 by DodgersFan15
CarrieT Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Of course. The rule-of-thumb is that it takes half as much time of the relationship to fully heal. You were with her for a years? It may take six months to fully get over her. My last long-term relationship was 2 1/2 years long (and this was me, in my early 40s!) and it took me a full two years to get over him. And all during that time, I thought and believed there would never be another. The "trick" is getting comfortable being by yourself; at least it was for me.
Nickr3023 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I'm in the same boat as you. Had an extremely intense relationship with someone for a year and it just ended a couple weeks ago. I like you am in my early 30's, with a birthday approaching. Unfortunately instead of celebrating this birthday is making me look at my mortality. The fact that I'm gonna be 33 and am nowhere close to starting a family or getting married and it's making me extremely depressed too. Right now I'm so depressed I just want to find someone that I can be distracted by, I want to see if I can recreate the passion that I had with my ex. My hope is that it was actually me that was bringing the passion and it can be recreated with someone else, and it wasn't her. I'm not sure if this is the right way to go about things, as I've never been one to jump from one thing to another, but at this point I'm willing to try anything.
mightycpa Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I was never afraid of that and I can't imagine why you are. Not being attached to someone always felt like freedom to me, an opportunity to meet new people and to get to know them, sexually, romantically and personally. I used to fall in love about once every seven years, so it's not like I did that with any real frequency. Then in my thirties, even that slowed down to a real rare event, probably because of the change in my circumstances. I think that just like you can't decide to fall out of love, you can't decide to fall in it either. You're just going to have to wait until your brain chemistry says it's time to do that again.
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Be careful what you consider "love". Are you sure you just weren't in "love" with the reflection of yourself with this person?? IME, typically, when someone (including myself) states they won't find that kind of love again, it was never really love to begin with, but rather a feeling of approval, acceptance and euphoria gifted to you from another person. You simply were on a high of what you were getting from someone else. The trick is to be so content with yourself that you could care less if there is a woman there or not. A popular analogy is that your life is cake all by yourself. Then a good woman / relationship is merely the frosting. You're just fine with or without, just slightly sweeter with... And, this is the type of attitude that attracts women to you as well.
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