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Last Question: Can you love someone more powerfully after your first serious love

loverage21

By loverage21
in General Relationship Discussion

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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OP, what answer do you want to hear? I'm so confused by you because you keep starting these threads all about the same topic which people have responded to repeatedly yet the answers you're getting don't seem to satisfy you in the least.

 

What is it you're looking for?

 

 

Because I want to give my heart but I feel that all it will do is result in damage.

 

To know there are sweeter outcomes for a girl I am investing my emotions into it just feels pointless.

 

I mean look at the Doc's response above. She has done extensive research over decades over rekindled teen romances.

 

I mean let's say this girl in the story above later rekindled with him years later. And it was a huge misunderstanding and they end up falling in love again, that is the most sweetest and "adorable" outcome. That would make the ultimate Hollywood cinema. Despite her being married already there is something about two lovers from their teens getting back together that warms the heart. THAT is the outcome I am talking about.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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OP, what answer do you want to hear? I'm so confused by you because you keep starting these threads all about the same topic which people have responded to repeatedly yet the answers you're getting don't seem to satisfy you in the least.

 

What is it you're looking for?

 

YES^^

 

Many people have given their opinions...when the opinions don't agree with your stance that first "loves" that one has as a teenager are the ONLY chance at love..you fight that opinion.

 

Yet, when I posted a quote supporting your view, you poked holes into it.

 

So, please, so we can help you here - what do you want? If we don't agree with you, bad...if we agree with you, still bad.

 

We also recommend you seek professional help because you did post how this is affecting you to the point where you have trouble with work/sleep/etc...but, you won't get that help.

 

Soooo...How can we help here?:confused:

 

I mean, if you believe that your teenage encounter/love is it. That being someone's "first" in their teens is the only chance at love. Then please, go find your teenage "love" and rekindle and ride off into the sunset already.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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YES^^

 

Many people have given their opinions...when the opinions don't agree with your stance that first "loves" that one has as a teenager are the ONLY chance at love..you fight that opinion.

 

Yet, when I posted a quote supporting your view, you poked holes into it.

 

So, please, so we can help you here - what do you want? If we don't agree with you, bad...if we agree with you, still bad.

 

We also recommend you seek professional help because you did post how this is affecting you to the point where you have trouble with work/sleep/etc...but, you won't get that help.

 

Soooo...How can we help here?:confused:

 

I mean, if you believe that your teenage encounter/love is it. That being someone's "first" in their teens is the only chance at love. Then please, go find your teenage "love" and rekindle and ride off into the sunset already.

 

This issue is not if she can love again or even more in that matter.

 

The issue is if and when her teen boyfriend reappears in the future, if there isn't a sweeter and more heartwarming outcome if they fall in love again and even stronger than ever

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Because I want to give my heart but I feel that all it will do is result in damage.

 

Look, go back to her and give her your heart...

 

It should work out cuz remember, she was your first "love" and for that reason alone it will work out.

 

Stop being afraid and just do it.

 

Good luck!!!

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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This issue is not if she can love again or even more in that matter.

 

The issue is if and when her teen boyfriend reappears in the future, if there isn't a sweeter and more heartwarming outcome if they fall in love again and even stronger than ever

 

She loves you, so her past shouldn't matter.

 

Many women have posted here how their "first" is someone they didn't want to get back with, matured, and moved past. I'm sure this woman you're into feels the same way about her bf/ex.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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She loves you, so her past shouldn't matter.

 

Many women have posted here how their "first" is someone they didn't want to get back with, matured, and moved past. I'm sure this woman you're into feels the same way about her bf/ex.

 

But again. People change. Sometimes for the better.

 

Even the psychologist agreed there is a chance she can rekindle, especially because it was over a misunderstanding and she was with him for TWO YEARS!

 

If that happens, there is a 78 percent success rate of reuniting.

 

I mean that would make a Hollywood blockbuster a movie about a situation like that. Two teen lovers who reunite later in life and discover their breakup was over a misunderstanding and settle their differences and get back together. Just think.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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But again. People change. Sometimes for the better.

 

Even the psychologist agreed there is a chance she can rekindle, especially because it was over a misunderstanding and she was with him for TWO YEARS!

 

If that happens, there is a 78 percent success rate of reuniting.

 

I mean that would make a Hollywood blockbuster a movie about a situation like that. Two teen lovers who reunite later in life and discover their breakup was over a misunderstanding and settle their differences and get back together. Just think.

 

 

Do I understand right that the entire basis for you asking all of these questions about First Loves is that you're concerned that this girl is going to go back to this exBF? Is that right?

 

 

Let me ask you this: are you and this girl even dating?

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clia Established Member

clia

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So then what? Are you never going to date anyone because 20 years in the future there is a slim chance they might dump you for their teenage "love"? And no, it isn't heartwarming to break up an established family for "teen love."

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Do I understand right that the entire basis for you asking all of these questions about First Loves is that you're concerned that this girl is going to go back to this exBF? Is that right?

 

 

Let me ask you this: are you and this girl even dating?

 

I was and I want to go back to her but I know at the same time there are much better outcomes out there.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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So then what? Are you never going to date anyone because 20 years in the future there is a slim chance they might dump you for their teenage "love"? And no, it isn't heartwarming to break up an established family for "teen love."

 

You are right in that aspect. But the only way it would hold a woman back in that circumstance is because of morals and guilt. Not because it wouldn't be a much sweeter avenue thinking about reuniting with her first.

 

What I am saying is if the guilt wasn't there, I guarentee she would be back with her first in a heartbeat.

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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Jesus Mary and Joseph...you are talking in HYPOTHETICALS for the LOVE OF GOD!

 

The operative work in ALL your posts is "IF". You're putting yourself through all this hell on the basis of IF? Seriously?

 

 

But guess what? What IF this is all bullsh*t? What IF the Doc is wrong or biased? What IF teen love doesn't end with a blockbuster movie? What IF a meteorite crashes into earth and civilization as we know is wiped out? What IF...

 

Give me a break.

 

You're WAY over romantiszing teen love. And you're assuming that everyone's teen love is the one that got away when in the vast majority of cases it's not like that at all.

 

You're living in a fantasy world and until you get a grip on reality no answer we give on here will ever be satisfactory.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Jesus Mary and Joseph...you are talking in HYPOTHETICALS for the LOVE OF GOD!

 

The operative work in ALL your posts is "IF". You're putting yourself through all this hell on the basis of IF? Seriously?

 

 

But guess what? What IF this is all bullsh*t? What IF the Doc is wrong or biased? What IF teen love doesn't end with a blockbuster movie? What IF a meteorite crashes into earth and civilization as we know is wiped out? What IF...

 

Give me a break.

 

You're WAY over romantiszing teen love. And you're assuming that everyone's teen love is the one that got away when in the vast majority of cases it's not like that at all.

 

You're living in a fantasy world and until you get a grip on reality no answer we give on here will ever be satisfactory.

 

Just because tho if a woman "chooses" to stay with the man she is currently with doesn't mean she has more "feeling" towards thinking about a different scenerio such as getting back with her first?

 

I wrote this back to Dr. Kalish:

 

But understand this too. Just because someone is in a "relationship" with someone doesn't mean they occupy the largest space in his/her heart. To me, marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance...those are just statuses. Many people have a significant other in their life they wish could of worked out. That does not mean they don't have love for the person they are with now, but the strength and potential of love can be stronger elsewhere.

 

I don't want to invest my feelings into someone who in reality has feelings for someone else. I don't want to invest my feelings into someone if they have a greater potential with someone else.

 

I don't want a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend or a wife for the sake of having a wife. I don't want my partner to feel obligated to stay with me or be with me because I offer a "safety net". I don't want my partner to think she can potentially have a happier life with someone else but stays with me to error on the side of caution. That is a recipe for disaster.

 

In other words, I rather have a girl that stays with me because she can't imagine being with someone else, whether that be a past lover or anyone else.

 

I think the idea behind adolescent relationships is that it occurs during a time of being naive and the "careless" nature of it. And anything beyond high school represents maturity and entry into the adult realm of life.

 

I don't think it is a coincidence that the media features love stories about adolescent couples who end up growing old with each other.

 

You hear stories about teen couples who reunite as adults and get married, and the reaction to that by most is "oh so sweet".

 

I think memories about love in youth occupies a sensitive and "innocent" side of us that cannot be replicated.

 

I believe being together young and dying old together is the pinnacle of desirable outcomes. Anything that varies from that loses value in desirability, even if by the slight.

 

I, unfortunately, missed out on opportunities to love and be loved as a teenager.

 

Some say love is a feeling. Some say it is a choice. Some say it is a combination of the two. Scientists say it is dopamine and oxytocin that generates these feelings. But regardless, someone can "choose" to love me and be with me yet have stronger "feelings" thinking about someone else.

 

And maybe the only reason she wants to revert back to thinking about me instead of a previous lover is because of guilt. Not because the feelings towards me are more exciting and intense.

 

You say to not love at all is worse? How so? To invest my feelings into a woman to know there are much sweeter and cuter outcomes with someone else is pointless. There is a mismatch there.

 

And just because a relationship did not work back then does not mean it couldn't work now. If a girl successfully reunited with a former lover from her adolescence that didn't work back then, it is still a sweeter love story.

 

You say there can be "stronger bonds" later, but that is in the moment. There can still be a potential for not-so-strong bonds to come back with a twist and be much, much stronger than it ever was before.

 

They say it is better to be someone's last rather than their first. But a first will always be a first. You can never guarentee to be someone's last. If you are someone's last, it is because of death. Who's to say the outcome would not be different if his/her life was extended another 50 years?

 

Time travel does not exist. I can't go back in time. Theoretical astrophysicists claim it is impossible. This is an issue dictated by the inevitability of time.

 

There is no choice but to move forward. But to love? It is pointless.

 

[/Quote]

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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I bet she didn't write back.

 

 

Life is risk, pal. Your choice as to whether you want to participate or not.

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clia Established Member

clia

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You are right in that aspect. But the only way it would hold a woman back in that circumstance is because of morals and guilt. Not because it wouldn't be a much sweeter avenue thinking about reuniting with her first.

 

What I am saying is if the guilt wasn't there, I guarentee she would be back with her first in a heartbeat.

 

I can guarantee 100% that if my "teen love" showed up on my doorstep I would not leave my husband. And not because of morals or guilt either.

 

It's been said before, but you seriously need mental help.

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Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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Just because tho if a woman "chooses" to stay with the man she is currently with doesn't mean she has more "feeling" towards thinking about a different scenerio such as getting back with her first?

 

 

How many members on here have already responded to that very question on here?? Too many.

 

How many people said they don't even remember their first love never mind dream about falling back in love with them again in their adult years? Even more than too many.

 

You're coming apart at the seams regarding this question and it's stunting your ability to truly find and experience real love.

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LydiaLong Established Member

LydiaLong

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People who idealize their 'first loves' are probably immature. First/second/third/fourth. It doesn't matter which one. You can find the love of your life at 50, as I did. And all of the others were just time fillers.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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People who idealize their 'first loves' are probably immature. First/second/third/fourth. It doesn't matter which one. You can find the love of your life at 50, as I did. And all of the others were just time fillers.

 

 

But deep, deep, deep down I side in general if you think about a scenerio with a guy and a girl who were madly in love in their teens and broke up due to a misunderstanding. Later I'm life they run into each other and have a talk and find out it was a misunderstanding. They fall in love with each other again and love the rest of their days together. You don't think that is the sweetest thing? The pinnacle of sweetness?

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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But deep, deep, deep down I side in general if you think about a scenerio with a guy and a girl who were madly in love in their teens and broke up due to a misunderstanding. Later I'm life they run into each other and have a talk and find out it was a misunderstanding. They fall in love with each other again and love the rest of their days together. You don't think that is the sweetest thing? The pinnacle of sweetness?

 

Sure it's sweet if you're watching a Disney after school special. But that isn't how it usually goes.

 

I know many people who were high school sweethearts, fell in love for the first (and only) time, dated all through high school and even when they were separated and went off to different colleges, then eventually married only to divorce two years later. How do you define THAT kind of love?

 

Happens a lot.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Sure it's sweet if you're watching a Disney after school special. But that isn't how it usually goes.

 

I know many people who were high school sweethearts, fell in love for the first (and only) time, dated all through high school and even when they were separated and went off to different colleges, then eventually married only to divorce two years later. How do you define THAT kind of love?

 

Happens a lot.

 

Should I just encourage a girl I am with to talk to her teen lover later in life so she can get that closure? Because even if she did go back to him later in life that would be better than her loving me?

 

Because I want to know FOR SURE I am the one that is most desirable to be with forever and always. If there is even a slight chance of her rekindling her first love I rather her confront him later in life just to be sure.

 

But what if we get in arguments and fights just like normal couples do? The only difference is that with him, he is her first, versus me, I was met later. It is still sweeter in the fact he was her first.

 

All relationships will fizzle down to a companionship type love anyways in later stages. The only difference is one is a first love and the other is a subsequent love. He will still have one "plus" against me.

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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Should I just encourage a girl I am with to talk to her teen lover later in life so she can get that closure? Because even if she did go back to him later in life that would be better than her loving me?

 

Because I want to know FOR SURE I am the one that is most desirable to be with forever and always. If there is even a slight chance of her rekindling her first love I rather her confront him later in life just to be sure.

 

But what if we get in arguments and fights just like normal couples do? The only difference is that with him, he is her first, versus me, I was met later. It is still sweeter in the fact he was her first.

 

Are you even dating this woman you keep speaking of? And can someone remind me how old you are? 21??

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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Trust me, kid...

 

Chances are after some time has elapsed, you will love some of your dogs or cars more than you love this one....:laugh:

 

Give it time...

 

 

TFY

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Are you even dating this woman you keep speaking of? And can someone remind me how old you are? 21??

 

I am 21 and she is 18. I was dating her but the reason we broke it off is because I couldn't get over the fact she had a high school sweetheart. It tore me to pieces.

 

I have the urge to go back to her but at the same time it still hurts me to no ends to know that she had that before me.

 

She was perfect otherwise. She is still a virgin. She loves Disney and is a sweet and chipper girly girl. She is a christian. But she has already loved before and loved hard

and there is still not 100% closure from her first serious breakup. Even if she says so. It was the circumstances.

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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Should I just encourage a girl I am with to talk to her teen lover later in life so she can get that closure? Because even if she did go back to him later in life that would be better than her loving me?

 

Because I want to know FOR SURE I am the one that is most desirable to be with forever and always. If there is even a slight chance of her rekindling her first love I rather her confront him later in life just to be sure.

 

But what if we get in arguments and fights just like normal couples do? The only difference is that with him, he is her first, versus me, I was met later. It is still sweeter in the fact he was her first.

 

All relationships will fizzle down to a companionship type love anyways in later stages. The only difference is one is a first love and the other is a subsequent love. He will still have one "plus" against me.

 

Honestly, if you were my partner and kept bringing this topic up I'd kick your a** to the curb. First love, last love be damned. You will have frustrated me to the point where I couldn't continue being with someone so damn insecure. Relationships are about trust.

 

 

 

Nothing in life is guaranteed. Do you get that? You will NEVER be 100% certain of anything. You either take a chance or you don't.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Honestly, if you were my partner and kept bringing this topic up I'd kick your a** to the curb. First love, last love be damned. You will have frustrated me to the point where I couldn't continue being with someone so damn insecure. Relationships are about trust.

 

 

 

Nothing in life is guaranteed. Do you get that? You will NEVER be 100% certain of anything. You either take a chance or you don't.

 

I am saying in general. In GENERAL...first loves who get back together later in ITSELF is the sweetest concept.

 

Lets say the traits are about the same between me and her first love. She can tolerate both of us if she was in a relationship with either of us. What is going to make it "cute" is one is a first love (him) and the other is a subsequent love (me). That goes a LONG way. It has a more "sweet" and "romantic" feel to it.

 

Because in the end anyways, the style of the relationship is ultimately going to be the same. It is going to be a companionship. The newness and the "honeymoon phase' ends eventually. Like I said, the main difference is one is a first love and the other is a subsequent love.

 

One was meet as a teen and one was met as a young adult. The scenerio with ending up with the teen love is much more sweeter than the scenerio of ending up with the adult love. Because with the first one you got to experience those innocent times. With the other you didn't.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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I am saying in general. In GENERAL...first loves who get back together later in ITSELF is the sweetest concept.

 

Lets say the traits are about the same between me and her first love. She can tolerate both of us if she was in a relationship with either of us. What is going to make it "cute" is one is a first love (him) and the other is a subsequent love (me). That goes a LONG way. It has a more "sweet" and "romantic" feel to it.

 

Because in the end anyways, the style of the relationship is ultimately going to be the same. It is going to be a companionship. The newness and the "honeymoon phase' ends eventually. Like I said, the main difference is one is a first love and the other is a subsequent love.

 

One was meet as a teen and one was met as a young adult. The scenerio with ending up with the teen love is much more sweeter than the scenerio of ending up with the adult love. Because with the first one you got to experience those innocent times. With the other you didn't.

 

 

You're probably right. You better leave this girl alone. And every other woman with a first love.

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