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Last Question: Can you love someone more powerfully after your first serious love

loverage21

By loverage21
in General Relationship Discussion

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Last question on this matter y'all. I promise.

 

After trying to put my question in the right words, I may have found it.

 

I know after you break up from your first serious love relationship, it changes your perspective on love and relationships. I know there is some guarding the second time around.

 

But can you ever get to the point of loving someone else much stronger and powerfully than you ever loved your first? Does it take time or is it instantaneously?

 

Does it require closure? Did you (and do you still) have urges to reconnect with that old flame?

 

Do you recall that first experience passionately like it was just yesterday?

 

I asked my mom if the love of my dad is stronger than her first, and she said it is a different kind of love.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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But can you ever get to the point of loving someone else much stronger and powerfully than you ever loved your first?

Yes.

 

Does it take time or is it instantaneously?

All love takes time to develop. If it's instantaneous it's probably lust.

 

Does it require closure? Did you (and do you still) have urges to reconnect with that old flame?

No, and no, never.

 

Do you recall that first experience passionately like it was just yesterday?

Well it was 20+ years ago so no not really. Plus it was all wrong on so many levels. The clarity of hindsight has shown me that. My partner is a million times better matched than my first.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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But can you ever get to the point of loving someone else much stronger and powerfully than you ever loved your first? Does it take time or is it instantaneously?

 

 

More than you will ever know. You will love again that will make your first love seem like puppy love.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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This is no different than your other thread and the answer remains the same: YES.

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PaperCrane Established Member

PaperCrane

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Yes. My first was not that powerful. Another had found room in my most vulnerable of places and had the softest spot in my heart. I feel sad knowing that kind of opening up will probably never happen again.

Glitters Established Member

Glitters

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I married my first love. DISASTER. He turned out to be an abusive man. His true colors come out soon after marriage but there was not a single red flag during courtship or dating. We both were madly in love but we were very young and didn't know.

I met my second husband in the middle of my divorce. He was divorced for a while and we dated during my divorce. Guess, it was the most difficult time for me but he stood by me. It was a slow development but mature. We both having gone through the hot stuff knew better now. We married soon after my divorce was final and yes , I'm more in love with my current husband every day than I ever was before.

This love has stood the hard times.

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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Absolutely yes. But I will agree with your mom that the love you feel for another can feel different, not better or worse just...different. Which only makes sense because the person we're loving is different. And so are we. We grow and expand and ultimately become wiser as we learn from each experience, both good and bad.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Absolutely yes. But I will agree with your mom that the love you feel for another can feel different, not better or worse just...different. Which only makes sense because the person we're loving is different. And so are we. We grow and expand and ultimately become wiser as we learn from each experience, both good and bad.

 

I don't normally say this to women a lot older than me, but you are really really attractive.

 

Do you ever pine old flames? Wish things could of been different? Are your first memories still delicious to you as ever?

Eighty_nine Established Member

Eighty_nine

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For me, nothing was ever as strong as my first love, as the way that felt at the beginning. And since then, my relationships have fizzled after a few years. But I have no doubt that long-term relationships of years and years probably surpass any other type of romantic love in terms of intensity of feelings.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Yes. My first was not that powerful. Another had found room in my most vulnerable of places and had the softest spot in my heart. I feel sad knowing that kind of opening up will probably never happen again.

 

How old were you when you opened up to that other person?

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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For me, nothing was ever as strong as my first love, as the way that felt at the beginning. And since then, my relationships have fizzled after a few years. But I have no doubt that long-term relationships of years and years probably surpass any other type of romantic love in terms of intensity of feelings.

 

How old were you when you and your first were together?

PaperCrane Established Member

PaperCrane

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How old were you when you opened up to that other person?

 

I was 28.

 

Ten characters

Got it Established Member

Got it

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I have answered this for you before but yes. The love I have for my husband has been far more intense, and continued over the years more intense than what I ever had with my first love/first husband. And it only continues to grow and deepen.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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We have told you this a bunch of times.

 

 

Your LAST love -- the person you marry & presumably spend the rest of your life with -- is the most powerful.

 

 

Hand to God, I can't even tell you who my 1st love was & I don't care. That was childish drivel. My marriage is real, lasting & dynamic.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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We have told you this a bunch of times.

 

 

Your LAST love -- the person you marry & presumably spend the rest of your life with -- is the most powerful.

 

 

Hand to God, I can't even tell you who my 1st love was & I don't care. That was childish drivel. My marriage is real, lasting & dynamic.

 

If you ran into your first love today, and he was still attractive, would you turn him away knowing you would never speak to him again without getting his phone number or anything? Do you still speak to him?

mrldii Established Member

mrldii

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To your newly-worded questions:

 

Yes.

 

Either, or.

 

Yes.

 

No and no.

 

No.

 

 

There. Once again, I have (as others have) responded to your newly-phrased queries with the same exact responses as your previously-worded queries on the exact same subject, so you MUST keep your end of the bargain and not ask these questions, again.

 

You've already been provided the [same] answers.

 

 

 

 

Six times.

 

 

 

 

Good luck to you, OP...

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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If you ran into your first love today, and he was still attractive, would you turn him away knowing you would never speak to him again without getting his phone number or anything? Do you still speak to him?

 

 

 

I don't know who my 1st love was. Don't you get that? Of all the men I dated I honestly can't tell you who was my 1st love. It really was that unimportant.

 

 

But to answer your Q. I would (& have) stopped to chat every time I have ever run into somebody I once dated. I don't connect with them on social media (except one guy, who I was never romantically in love with at 17; & I'm only connected to him now because him & my husband became friends). I don't call these former flames. I don't stay in touch but in that instant, we stop & have a pleasant superficial conversation.

  • 2 weeks later...
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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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Think about this:

 

There are stories about teen love couples reuniting later in life. To most people, it is really sweet and it strikes them with emotion of "cuteness". Because there is something really sweet about two people who loves each other in their innocent and naive years and getting back with each other later in life and falling in love again. It warms the heart. It brings tears to the eye. There is NOTHING sweeter than that. Just the idea of it is heartwarming.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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To your newly-worded questions:

 

Yes.

 

Either, or.

 

Yes.

 

No and no.

 

No.

 

 

There. Once again, I have (as others have) responded to your newly-phrased queries with the same exact responses as your previously-worded queries on the exact same subject, so you MUST keep your end of the bargain and not ask these questions, again.

 

You've already been provided the [same] answers.

 

 

 

 

Six times.

 

 

 

 

Good luck to you, OP...

 

 

Think about this:

 

There are stories about teen love couples reuniting later in life. To most people, it is really sweet and it strikes them with emotion of "cuteness". Because there is something really sweet about two people who loves each other in their innocent and naive years and getting back with each other later in life and falling in love again. It warms the heart. It brings tears to the eye. There is NOTHING sweeter than that. Just the idea of it is heartwarming and makes people want to melt. To love each other young and to love each other till death. That is the theme of it.

 

The statement of:

"I was your first and I want to be your last"

Is much sweeter than

"I was not your first but I want to be your last"

Edited by loverage21
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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Think about this:

 

There are stories about teen love couples reuniting later in life. To most people, it is really sweet and it strikes them with emotion of "cuteness". Because there is something really sweet about two people who loves each other in their innocent and naive years and getting back with each other later in life and falling in love again. It warms the heart. It brings tears to the eye. There is NOTHING sweeter than that. Just the idea of it is heartwarming.

 

:laugh:

 

Lots of things are "cute." But so what? The example you just gave is not particularly endearing to me. I cannot fathom wanting to be with anyone I was with as a teen personally.

 

To echo everyone else, yes, you move on from your first love and have other better loves, often MULTIPLE better loves.

 

And trust me, most people, look at this thread alone, are NOT sitting around hoping to reunite with someone they loved at 15 when they're 35....Your complete obsession with this is a bit troubling. I don't mean to be rude, but you've made several threads on this and REFUSE to listen to the answers. Even though mostly everyone with actual experience says the opposite of what you've imagined in your mind you keep making threads asking about it and obsessing over it and insisting that first means best and ultimate when it doesn't. I don't think obsessing over this will add any value to your life...it will only make you unhappy as you keep trying to pine over some old flame that you'll likely never reconnect with.

Edited by MissBee
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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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I am more in love with my current wife than I ever was with my ex so the answer is yes.

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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:laugh:

 

Lots of things are "cute." But so what? The example you just gave is not particularly endearing to me. I cannot fathom wanting to be with anyone I was with as a teen personally.

 

To echo everyone else, yes, you move on from your first love and have other better loves, often MULTIPLE better loves.

 

And trust me, most people, look at this thread alone, are NOT sitting around hoping to reunite with someone they loved at 15 when they're 35....Your complete obsession with this is a bit troubling. I don't mean to be rude, but you've made several threads on this and REFUSE to listen to the answers. Even though mostly everyone with actual experience says the opposite of what you've imagined in your mind you keep making threads asking about it and obsessing over it and insisting that first means best and ultimate when it doesn't. I don't think obsessing over this will add any value to your life...it will only make you unhappy as you keep trying to pine over some old flame that you'll likely never reconnect with.

 

You said you have "better" loves. But how do you know if your first love came back around that he would be the best?

 

How do you know that he hasn't changed for the better and you two live a happy life together. In that case, he would be your first and your most current or even the last too.

 

They say being the last is better than being the first.

 

But being the first AND the last is better

 

There is a certain naive and youthful vibe about teen love that cannot be replicated no matter what.

 

I never loved as a teenager. I missed that boat a long time ago and I may never want to love.

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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A) There is a certain naive and youthful vibe about teen love that cannot be replicated no matter what.

 

B) I never loved as a teenager. I missed that boat a long time ago and I may never want to love.

 

You can't know A is true if B is true. Do you see that? You don't know anything about 'teen love'.

 

And if B is true, then you'll never half to worry about being half of that couple that 'reunites' at 35. So why so this an issue for you again?

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loverage21 Established Member

loverage21

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You can't know A is true if B is true. Do you see that? You don't know anything about 'teen love'.

 

And if B is true, then you'll never half to worry about being half of that couple that 'reunites' at 35. So why so this an issue for you again?

 

I wrote a psychologist who specializes and lost love connections this:

 

 

Dr.(anon),

 

I know you stay very busy, but if you are can reply to this email it would be beneficial to my situation.

 

I am still recovering from my parent's affair with their first love, and it has really made me rethink about the girl I am dating.

 

I started dating this girl that goes to my college fairly recently. She is 18, I am 21. I asked her about her history (my fault), and she said she was in a serious relationship with this guy when she was 14 and 15 [her first serious relationship she states]. She can recall exactly how long she was with him (she said 2 years, 2 months).

 

There was a misunderstanding where she was accused of sending nude pictures to this other guy. As a result, her boyfriend broke up with her right before she went on a trip to France. Although they never had sex, she often fooled around with him. She said it affected her after she returned from her trip from France. She stated she could not remember how long it took her to get over him.

 

She stated she had a few short term relationships afterwards that did not last.

 

She is now a freshman in college and we have been dating. I know you said something about "outside factors" like parent disapproval, moving away, etc. was a common reason why people rekindle past romances. But would this situation be considered an "outside factor".

 

My fear is in a situation like this, if we hit it off, would there be a different outcome if her first love knew later in life that it was a misunderstanding? There could be more to the story I don't know.

 

She says she hardly thinks of him and that relationship was "lustful". I am still bothered by it.

[/Quote]

 

Her reply was this:

 

 

 

She dated him for a significant time and there was (possibly) a misunderstand. Sure, that could rekindle.

 

But not everyone with a lost love profile goes back to a lost love. My research is with people who already tried a reunion. Of that population, they mostly have the profile you read about. But it doesn't follow from that that everyone who has this profile with try a reunion.

 

No way to predict the future. Falling in love is risky ("falling"). But to hold back and not love at all is worse.

[/Quote]

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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OP, what answer do you want to hear? I'm so confused by you because you keep starting these threads all about the same topic which people have responded to repeatedly yet the answers you're getting don't seem to satisfy you in the least.

 

What is it you're looking for?

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