Can't control my emotions

[Drops-of-Jupiter]

Hi, I've never been one to resort to chat rooms about issues like this but I feel I've got nowhere else to go for some much needed advice.

 

So basically, my girlfriend broke up with me a couple days ago after 3 years together. We were perfect together, never fought and above all, she is my best friend and the only person I can truly talk to about anything. While at university, we had great mutual friends, went out together all of the time and had so much in common. But a few months ago, I moved down to a new city to study for my masters degree and she came down too and has been working a full time job. We weren't living together though because she has friends down here and it was cheaper for her to live there.

 

The course is so intense and I'm stressed all the time, have to pull late nights in the library and when I do have some free time, I'm trying to make some new friends since I don't know anyone down here. But I started to neglect spending time with her and when we did, we just watched TV or stayed over without spending quality time with one another. I took her for granted and looking back, all the signs were there that I should have made more of an effort. But I didnt. Now she's gone and its all my fault. I love her more than anything and I feel even worse that the break up was because of me getting too comfortable. I just don't know how to deal with it. She is the first girl I've ever truly loved. I can't focus on anything, I have no appetite, I can't sleep and all I want is for her to be in my arms again. Its affecting me physically, mentally and academically as all my marks are slipping fast. She said she wanted time alone and not to contact her but I'm so lost without her. She's the only one that keeps me going. I tried explaining all of this when we broke up but it was useless. I feel so guilty, its like half of me is missing.

 

Anybody with any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've never felt so alone and all my family live abroad so I can't even turn to them. Please help

[AspenBaldwin]

All hopes are gone, that wished her mine, and yet me thinks those hopes, that then did cheat, did cheer me so...

[d0nnivain]

Stop beating yourself up. To some extent you are romanticizing the relationship & saying how perfect it was. You miss the easy way you had together but it's not the end of the world. If the bond was as strong as you now claim, you would have made more time for her & spent less time worried about making new friends. She would have been more understanding about the demands on your time for studying etc.

 

 

The end of a relationship is sad. Their is grief & loss but it's not the end of the world

 

 

You will live to love again. For now, grieve when you can but concentrate on your exams. Go home for the holidays & regroup. Come back to a new semester.

[Drops-of-Jupiter]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend of three years broke up with me quite suddenly last week. Ever since then I haven't been able to control my emotions in the slightest. One minute I feel like I'm dealing with it well, the next I'm in tears. I know this is probably a natural response but does anybody have an advice to get my emotions in check? I have exams coming up in the next couple of weeks and I need to focus my energy on them but I just can't get her out of my head. This last week I've just been existing rather than living and anything can set me off in a downward spiral. I'm frustrated with myself for feeling like this at such an important time but I just miss her so unbelievably much and she would be the one to get me through times like this normally. I guess I just need some advice on how to cope with it all at such a stressful time anyways.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[mountains]

You will have a range of emotions and that is normal. Sad, angry, confused, happy, anxious, etc.

 

I go to the gym every time negative feelings about the break up come up, which sometimes means going twice a day.

[Mikeyfreedom]

As the man said above, its worked wonders for me, I have got on the treadmill several times almost in tears(seriously) and then cained 5K, and felt better afterwards.

[bubby7]

I agree with the previous post that having a range of emotions after a breakup is normal. I also agree that exercising can be helpful. Please don’t be so hard on yourself being that what you are feeling is normal. Are you reaching out to your family and friends? Sometimes just by venting your feelings to someone who cares can be helpful. After your exams are over you might want to take time to review the relationship (its ups, downs etc). I have learned some of my greatest life lessons after experiencing some my most disappointing situations. These life lessons have made me a stronger and wiser person. All the best on your upcoming exams!

[Silver_star]

You have been through a very heart shattering experience and you are mourning so you are going through a very normal process of grieving and hurting. Crying is good, but at the same time, I understand life keeps happening around you and you are expected to perform either at school or at work and people don't typically stop for the wounded to heal.

 

 

Here is what I suggest.

First, breathing deep. That helps immensely when you are getting emotional pain just focus on your breath. Deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two, distract yourself with tasks. It is easy to get side tracked when studying, but break it into little pieces to keep you focused on a timeline like ...Study 2 chapters, and then go grab a beer and chat with a friend.

 

Three, remove any trigger items that remind you of her. Notes, emails, texts. Delete them. Honestly they will do you no good holding onto them. Even if she does come back around, she still broke up with you and a lot of repair is needed to get a relationship going again, if its even possible. Remove the old texts/emails and letters because that is the PAST relationship and not the future.

 

 

Four, go do things to release stress of exams, and the BU. Go for a run or bike ride at the gym. Cardio releases stress. Get a good sweat on and you wont regret it. Do nice things for yourself that make you feel good about yourself. Just be kind to yourself during this hard time. Things will get better.

[sowhynot]

Friends or family aren't around all the time - I found it really helpful to write down what you're feeling, what's going on - paper, phone, i-whatever...

 

Big advantage is that after a few weeks, you can look back on what you've written and (hopefully) see how much better you're feeling.

 

Hang on in there - you're not the first !

[Drops-of-Jupiter]

Thanks for the good input guys. I've been trying to go running every time I feel sad and it has been helping. It just seems that I still can't focus on my work! I'll be reading my notes but my mind is elsewhere thinking about her. And this is the time that it usually gets bad and makes me feel sad.

 

I've talked to my family lots but they live abroad so theres only so much they're able to do for me. I'm also quite new to this city so although I have friends here, I feel like I can't just spill my heart out to them about whats happened.

[playlislay]

Things WILL get better, I promise. Last Monday, I went to the docs to get some antidepressants because I was still having some really bad days (my ex and I split up at the start of October, he got with someone else literally the same day and is still with her). However, I didn't take them as I wanted to see if I could survive the week. I did. And I've survived this week, too! I'm turning a corner and finally feel ready to date again.

 

At first, it feels like they've died. God, does it tear every single cell in your body! The pain, the cries deep from within, the failing to get anything done because you can't help but sit there and pine for them... I feel your pain! But do the cliché by working on yourself and changing your mindset, and you'll feel bloody amazing! I've already dropped two dress sizes and getting fit in the mean time! Wahoooooo!

 

Stuff them! Honestly, you need to jump on my bandwagon of deserving better! It's empowering!

[mightycpa]

Honestly, I don't think it was your mistakes. I think it was going to happen anyway.

 

"Why", you ask? Because the reasons you've listed are frivolous. If you're ignoring her, and she doesn't like it, she should take the initiative to breathe a little fire back into the relationship. To you tell it, things deteriorated, and she bolted, and now you blame yourself.

 

It was a two-way street, believe me. You need to take some time over the winter break to really analyze things. You're a smart boy. You should be able to find some insights that will help you the rest of your life.

[Captivating]

Hi,

I agree with Mightycpa saying that this is a two way street and that you shouldn't blame yourself alone for what happened. She knew that you need to focus and study a lot to complete your masters, which is temporary and completing this would have benefitted both of you in the future. Instead of moving in with you, she moved to a friend's house to save money. Saving money was more important than being with you in the evenings. Did she tell you that she is bothered by you ignoring her ? Well, from a woman's point of view.....show her what you are made of and win her back !!! Do something extraordinary, show a new side of you, do something romantic that will take her breath away. You have 50% that it will work and 50% that it won't. BUT....you tried and this way you won't have regrets later on, because that's the worst. Send her a huge bouquet of red roses, it will take her breath away (it took mine away once ).....pick her up, grab her hand, take her for a daytrip somewhere she wanted to go....think of things she likes, it shows that you listened to her and care about her. Be confident and flaunt your most enticing smile

[Captivating]

Also.....send the roses to work ! It's very unexpected...