Cali434 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 So recently went out with this OKC guy who is really nice and sweet in person. I have met his friends already (after 3rd date) and I guess some of them thinks we are a item now. My friend told me to be careful and I did a small Google search on the guy. He is posting on this forum for people look for friends, and he responded to 1 or 2 girls looking for a "kinky" partner or "sexual" partner...most are very normal though! Ok...I did told him I do not sleep around until I am two months in a serious relationship. However he already asked me to be his gf after just a short period of time (4 dates!). We don't even know each other well. I don't know about this. He seems like a good, conservative guy in person and treats me well..Should I continue to pursue this?
Author Cali434 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) If it helps, I am 23 and he is 25. To be fair, the posts were from 3 months ago...but still! Edited December 2, 2015 by Cali434
Gaeta Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Nothing wrong in establishing exclusivity after 4 dates but once you're exclusive you need to get off from online. Is he still active on those sites? Are the profiles still up?
lilmissjava Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 My go to thought: That conservative by day, kinky by night Duggar guy.
Redhead14 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 So recently went out with this OKC guy who is really nice and sweet in person. I have met his friends already (after 3rd date) and I guess some of them thinks we are a item now. My friend told me to be careful and I did a small Google search on the guy. He is posting on this forum for people look for friends, and he responded to 1 or 2 girls looking for a "kinky" partner or "sexual" partner...most are very normal though! Ok...I did told him I do not sleep around until I am two months in a serious relationship. However he already asked me to be his gf after just a short period of time (4 dates!). We don't even know each other well. I don't know about this. He seems like a good, conservative guy in person and treats me well..Should I continue to pursue this? You tipped your hand by telling him "when" you would start sleeping with someone . . . You don't go down that road conversationally in 4 dates. The only thing you need to really cover that early is whether or not you each are on the same page in terms of overall dating goals and go from there. Now, you gotta kinda pay attention to that 2 month mark. If you get that far down the road with him and he starts pushing for sex and you want that, go ahead, just carefully observe what he does after that. He now knows he only has to get to 2 months and will be patient, get what he wants and still bail on you . . . He's pushing hard already -- blowtorching, perhaps.
xcupid Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Now you know what he wants from you. Perhaps you should extend your "having sex" timeframe and get to know this guy better.
MightyPen Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I think everyone is reading way too much into the guy's behavior. He's treated the OP well, he's sweet, and he introduced her to his friends. What exactly has he done wrong?? Oh yeah she googled his (pre-relationship) forum talks and discovered he might be attracted to kinky women. Okay uh so what? Tons of guys like kinky women. And it was BEFORE the relationship. He seems very interested in her. Cut the dude some slack. 6
Ic1 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Nothing wrong in establishing exclusivity after 4 dates but once you're exclusive you need to get off from online. I agree your focus should be on whether he's looking for sex asap. Pinning you to the wall on your two month anniversary, and/or looking elsewhere as well. But you say every one of his actions since meeting you have been good, and you two click well. OP, are you not attracted to him? You seem to be looking for red flags.
truth_seeker Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I think everyone is reading way too much into the guy's behavior. He's treated the OP well, he's sweet, and he introduced her to his friends. What exactly has he done wrong?? Oh yeah she googled his (pre-relationship) forum talks and discovered he might be attracted to kinky women. Okay uh so what? Tons of guys like kinky women. And it was BEFORE the relationship. He seems very interested in her. Cut the dude some slack. MightPen is OP's guy! Joking. This is a tough call. OP was smart in looking him up. The guy could genuinely be nice and sweet or its all an act to sleep with her faster. OP told him 2 months and has to be exclusive. He is asking after 4 dates to be in a relationship. My take is the guy is scheming. Wants to make OP feel they're an item so he can have sex with her now. 1
RedRobin Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) The real question is if you share similar values. I am not promiscuous, and so I would not want a promiscuous man who is into casual sex. Don't care when or where. If you are ok dating someone who is promiscuous, then I guess the next step is making sure you really are exclusive... Ie HE is not sleeping with others while you remain exclusive to him... And never, ever have unprotected sex... Get STD tests before you do if he is surfing the Internet for randoms. I always insist on STD tests in advance. With written results. That screens out lots of guys who are only claiming to be exclusive or just saying they want a relationship so they can push sex faster. They can't be bothered to go down to the clinic for what they view as just a piece of *ss. Works like a charm. Edited December 3, 2015 by RedRobin
Author Cali434 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 We talked about it on the phone and he is definitely not going to sleep with me until I am ready. He is actually the first guy I have a real date with off the site, so I am not sure if he is the one. Seems like he wants something really really long term. Its just that I don't have that heartbeat feeling when I am with him, which makes me unsure.
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