nellbell86 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Hi all! I haven't posted for a while, but after reading a few of these 'no contact challenge' threads on other boards, I thought I'd try starting one here (if there already is one I apologise, I couldn't find one!) So it's been 5 long, disastrous months since my ex (21) split with me (29). I have made EVERY mistake in the book, the first few months were daily bombardments of texts, telling him everything I was feeling, begging, pleading, buying gifts, going to his workplace (a pub) aNd crying at the sight of him (usually after a few drinks!). First he responded, then it got less and less, and now he says he needs time to forgive the way I've acted post BU if we are ever going to talk again. I sincerely apologised, and he said he knows I mean it and he knows I love him, but he's just so angry atm cos I didnt respect his space to begin with, that he knows he LOVED me, but doesn't know how to feel about it now. I have heard that he is 'casually seeing' someone, a friend of mine no less! (Not anymore!) But when I bumped into him over the weekend, I asked him straight out and he said "No, I'm not seeing anyone, people talk s***". So I don't know what to believe, all I can do now is NC and see what the future holds for me. So today is Day 1, apart from a text I sent him this morning. Today would've been our 1 year anniversary, so I text him just saying I'm thinking of him, I wish we'd made it to celebrate this day together, I hope he can think of us and smile, and he'll have my heart always. I'm going to the pub tomorrow night and I know he'll be working, but I'm going to avoid going near him. I NEED to stick to NC, I'm so done with being sad about this all the time, I need to fight to get me back! I'll post updates, and if anyone wants to join me, let's do this together!
Author nellbell86 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Ps - today is a lovely hot day here, if we were together I know we'd be lounging by his pool (at his parents house - still lives at home), watching movies in the air con, maybe having a beach bbq with our mates. So yeah its a super rough day today, thinking he's probably still doing all those things, but without me. Instead I'm wallowing today, hanging at home, getting some washing done and watching Dr Phil. BUT I have plans tomorrow, I'm going shopping for a new bikini for a boat cruise I have on the weekend, then going to my girlfriend's to sunbake before going to the pub with friends. Then over the weekend I have a boat cruise Saturday, a 30th Saturday night, and a 35th on Sunday. So I'm allowing myself today to wallow, and getting back on my feet tomorrow!
anonymousbear00101100 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 If you want to truly go NC, don't go to his pub. Try a different pub or do something totally new altogether! I'm 3 weeks post break up, and day 3 NC (and officially never contacting again, I've leaned my lesson). It's tough but we'll make it. Just try to never see him in person or look at his social media accounts. Blocking them completely out of your life is the best way. 4
mountains Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 So no contact for you starts in two days since you are planning to visit his workplace?
Author nellbell86 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Yeah you guys are totally right! He works at the busiest local pub, and Thursdays are their big nights, everyone goes, all the bars are open, it's an awesome night, and from dating a bartender there for so long, I know HEAPS of people that will be going down, guess I was wanting to go down and catch up with them, but yeah if I'm totally honest, I do want to see him, I want to look good (lost nearly 15kg since the break up!) and have a great time infront of him. But it'd just set me back, you're right. Maybe I'll suggest somewhere else to my girlfriend, she'll understand why we can't go down there. I've avoided it the past few weeks, but whenever I do go down, whatever I do/whoever I'm with always gets back to him, even if hes not working, cos obviously all his workmates know me, and always tell him (he's used it as ammo in a past argument so I know they tell him!) So it is best to just stay away.
Author nellbell86 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Well spur of the moment decision (well I'd been thinking about it for a while) I'm going to get my hair cut this arvo and get a new fringe. I really cbf going far so I called the hairdresser at the end of my street, happens to be the same one ex goes to. Here's hoping they don't remember me from going there many times with him and ask me about him.... ah well. Looking forward to my new 'do!
Author nellbell86 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Well I went and had my hair done, absolutely loving my new fringe! Hairdresser didn't mention the ex so that was good. She straightened my hair for me so it all looked nice, I was looking pretty damn good! Pop down to the local shop to go to the newsagent.... and MY EX is there!! Standing in line for the ATM, and I am SO proud of myself, I glanced over at him briefly as he was standing there staring at me, and flicked my hair and kept walking! Usually when ive seen him around I would always wave, or go over to say hi and initiate conversation. Nope not this time! When I was done in the shops he was just finishing at the ATM and I literally walked right next to him, so close I could smell his cologne (one I'd bought him so I recognized the scent!) and again I didn't even look at him, just kept going to my car, although he was walking right behind me. I know it's not much, but I'm really proud of myself that I didn't go to talk to him like I usually would, plus I KNOW I looked good with my hair cut and he would've noticed. Oooohhh I wish I knew what was going through his head now! He's very egotistical and always fed off me going to talk to him etc, so walking right by him, especially today (our would-be anniversary) would play on his mind, I know it will. Yay for my little victory!
Author nellbell86 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Yeah I guess so! Though I wasn't expecting to see him today ha but yep tomorrow is a brighter day and nc day 1!
Amelie1980 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Good god I feel positively virtuous. I told him what I thought of him the day he broke up with me and left it there.
Amelie1980 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Hi all! I haven't posted for a while, but after reading a few of these 'no contact challenge' threads on other boards, I thought I'd try starting one here (if there already is one I apologise, I couldn't find one!) So it's been 5 long, disastrous months since my ex (21) split with me (29). I have made EVERY mistake in the book, the first few months were daily bombardments of texts, telling him everything I was feeling, begging, pleading, buying gifts, going to his workplace (a pub) aNd crying at the sight of him (usually after a few drinks!). First he responded, then it got less and less, and now he says he needs time to forgive the way I've acted post BU if we are ever going to talk again. I sincerely apologised, and he said he knows I mean it and he knows I love him, but he's just so angry atm cos I didnt respect his space to begin with, that he knows he LOVED me, but doesn't know how to feel about it now. I have heard that he is 'casually seeing' someone, a friend of mine no less! (Not anymore!) But when I bumped into him over the weekend, I asked him straight out and he said "No, I'm not seeing anyone, people talk s***". So I don't know what to believe, all I can do now is NC and see what the future holds for me. So today is Day 1, apart from a text I sent him this morning. Today would've been our 1 year anniversary, so I text him just saying I'm thinking of him, I wish we'd made it to celebrate this day together, I hope he can think of us and smile, and he'll have my heart always. I'm going to the pub tomorrow night and I know he'll be working, but I'm going to avoid going near him. I NEED to stick to NC, I'm so done with being sad about this all the time, I need to fight to get me back! I'll post updates, and if anyone wants to join me, let's do this together! Hang on a minute. Have I read this right? You are a 29 year old woman and your ex is a 21 year old man. You only went out for 7 months, he dumped you and 5 months later you wont leave him alone? Do you not have any dignity or self respect? You even remind him of your 1 year milestone that never happened. FGS leave him alone. He doenst want you. Your behaviot could be construed as harassment. 3
Stercrazy Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I also think OP needs to read the NC guide. I understand being hurt and wanting to relive the pain but the facts are OP needs to move on. And instead of manipulating for the ex's attention that energy should be focused on her self.
Amelie1980 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) I also think OP needs to read the NC guide. I understand being hurt and wanting to relive the pain but the facts are OP needs to move on. And instead of manipulating for the ex's attention that energy should be focused on her self. for me I cant stand contacting exes and getting nothing back. So i leave it as any disinterested contact or worse no reply, actually hurts worse. I am surprised this guy hasnt told management at his place of work yet or informed the police. I would have. OP I think this guy has been very tolerant with you but the time will come when he loses his temper. That will HURT. Edited December 2, 2015 by Amelie1980
Amelie1980 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) I dont mean to be unkind...but you were told this 3 months ago. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/552000-see-how-goes Please try and do something for yourself. Edited December 2, 2015 by Amelie1980
Oregon_Dude Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 OP needs mental health counseling, but she won't get it, because IME, the people who truly need it are the most resistant clients. Good luck OP. Your behavior has been egregious for months. You aren't well. This board can't help you. 1
Amelie1980 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) Well I went and had my hair done, absolutely loving my new fringe! Hairdresser didn't mention the ex so that was good. She straightened my hair for me so it all looked nice, I was looking pretty damn good! Pop down to the local shop to go to the newsagent.... and MY EX is there!! Standing in line for the ATM, and I am SO proud of myself, I glanced over at him briefly as he was standing there staring at me, and flicked my hair and kept walking! Usually when ive seen him around I would always wave, or go over to say hi and initiate conversation. Nope not this time! When I was done in the shops he was just finishing at the ATM and I literally walked right next to him, so close I could smell his cologne (one I'd bought him so I recognized the scent!) and again I didn't even look at him, just kept going to my car, although he was walking right behind me. I know it's not much, but I'm really proud of myself that I didn't go to talk to him like I usually would, plus I KNOW I looked good with my hair cut and he would've noticed. Oooohhh I wish I knew what was going through his head now! He's very egotistical and always fed off me going to talk to him etc, so walking right by him, especially today (our would-be anniversary) would play on his mind, I know it will. Yay for my little victory! Oregon Dude you are right and also with this one.... You said in post one that he was angry with you and and he needs time to forgive the way you've acted post BU. He also dumped you BEFORE you acted this way. He doesnt give a flying f * * k about your hair cut and he is probably relieved you didnt talk to him.... he doesnt care that he saw you, there is nothing going through his head. If he had cared he would have approached you and talked to you. As long as you make every little thing about him, you will never get over this. I dont mean to sound harsh but you are wasting your life. Edited December 3, 2015 by Amelie1980
Blanco Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I guess if nothing else, maybe the new haircut made it easier for him to point out to people while he was telling them about the girl who hasn't left him alone for nearly half a year after he ended a brief relationship. 2
Author nellbell86 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 This board is of great help, even though for the past few months I've totally neglected listening to anyone of reason telling me to do the right thing! :/ completely let my heart take over on this one, and this is where it's gotten me. Lesson learnt! I've gotta stop thinking about how any of this is affecting him and start thinking about how it's affecting me, do I want to be this obsessed, crazy person? Definitely not! But I've allowed myself to go down that road and only have myself to blame, I know that. And only I can change the path and get myself back on track, and I intend to! Thanks for your brutal honesty! Amelie I like what is written in your signature and I'll try to remind myself of that as I go through this. 1
Amelie1980 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I guess if nothing else, maybe the new haircut made it easier for him to point out to people while he was telling them about the girl who hasn't left him alone for nearly half a year after he ended a brief relationship. I mean usually on here there are a lot of young people starting out in their first relationships, teens, freshmen in college and they need some guidance and people on here with more maturity are able to give it to them. The older ones set an example to the younger ones here. I couldn't believe it when I saw that she is 29 and he is 21. 29 and 21 are poles apart in terms of maturity. At nearly 30, she should be setting an example of maturity to him but instead, he is setting an example to her. In fact if he was also in his late 20's I doubt he would have been so patient. An older man would have told her to go away by now instead of tolerating this for so long. I am not over a short lived relationship...the difference is when he ended it in a very cruel way, I told him what I thought of him that day by text and then I left it. He has already dumped me, I wouldnt humiliate myself further by begging etc. I accepted it and gave him the hell he deserved for what he said and did and left it.
Amelie1980 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) This board is of great help, even though for the past few months I've totally neglected listening to anyone of reason telling me to do the right thing! :/ completely let my heart take over on this one, and this is where it's gotten me. Lesson learnt! I've gotta stop thinking about how any of this is affecting him and start thinking about how it's affecting me, do I want to be this obsessed, crazy person? Definitely not! But I've allowed myself to go down that road and only have myself to blame, I know that. And only I can change the path and get myself back on track, and I intend to! Thanks for your brutal honesty! Amelie I like what is written in your signature and I'll try to remind myself of that as I go through this. No you have got to start thinking it is not affecting him. AT ALL. He doesnt care that you walked past him without talking to him. There is nothing going through his head, it will not play on his mind. Because....HE WANTS YOU TO GO AWAY AND LEAVE HIM ALONE. He probably wishes he had never dated you in the first place. Do you want to be that woman? The one who throws herself at men who dont want her? The one who he has warned all his friends about? The one who has probably told everyone in the pub he works at, and that you also go to, how you have behaved? He and his friends and work mates probably talk about you and laugh at you. Is that how you want to be remembered? Please dont let my signature give you hope. My ex hasnt come back but his last memory is me telling him what I thought of him and then leaving it alone. I never once asked him to change his mind. I told him he lied to me and led me on, etc and then left it well alone. I am telling you for your own good and not to be unkind, because of your behavior post BU, he will never EVER take you back. Because if he does, he knows that he will have to deal with your obsessive behavior and if he ever dumps you again, he knows he will get another several months of hell with you chasing him. It's over. You have shown him who you are and he doesnt like what he sees. Edited December 3, 2015 by Amelie1980
chris maurice Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Best thing for a break up.. No contact.. the best thing ever. the things you learn from this you can never get anywhere else. and you come out a better happier person.
Amelie1980 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) Ive read the Ops history...she does suffer with depression etc. Which explains why she doesn't get it. It really is quite serious and saying go nc wont work. She isnt going to listen in fact if you look at this thread....it wasn't a genuine effort to go NC it was to indulge talking about him again. Going to his hairdresser as she cbf (can't be f c u k ed?) to go further then a story about seeing him and ignoring him and wondering what he's thinking. She's not even trying nc. I can tell from her language that she's in Australia. Beyond Blue for depression...there must be some psychotherapy available. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ Edited December 3, 2015 by Amelie1980
AnyTakers Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I have read the Guide, and I am not doing a good job at all honestly of the NC. I know the break-up is fresh, but I don't think I can succeed at it. I dunno why. I am taking it hour by hour though. So far, haven't called him in 2 hours.
Blanco Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I have read the Guide, and I am not doing a good job at all honestly of the NC. I know the break-up is fresh, but I don't think I can succeed at it. I dunno why. I am taking it hour by hour though. So far, haven't called him in 2 hours. Here's what is likely going to happen if you keep this up: You're going to finally burn through the last of his good will toward you. He's going to take off the gloves and be straight up with you, clear as day to stop contacting him. Trust me. I made this mistake with my first ex many years ago. He's being patient with you now, but I promise you that there's a finite amount of badgering he's willing to tolerate from you. After that, all bets are off. You can only lose by contacting him at this point. 1
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