mountains Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Been browsing here since my breakup about 1.5 months ago. Started NC because it seems that is the universal advice after break ups and being dumped. Well I really messed up in keeping no contact and hope others can learn from my mistake. So, I was browsing my FB on Sunday when a friend's recommendation shows up showing my ex with her previous ex as married (whom had been physically abusive to her even when we were together, which resulted in an arrest/restraining order). My ex isn't a friend on my FB and guess it showed up because any phone number or emails in my phone were uploaded onto the site months ago. My first reaction was shock and know some people go back to their exes because of their long history, so I decided to text and call to see what was going on, but got no response. So, I sent a message to one of her friends on FB asking a simple question of if they were back together since the page showed up. After not hearing a response from either her or her friend, I sent a pissed off text to be taken off the lease since I didn't want to be associated with a house if her ex was there since there could be liabilities if another incident occurred in the home. Well, she called yesterday to tell me that they weren't together and one of her best friends thought it was a funny joke and had access to her email account to create a FB page. Mind you we are both in our mid to late-20s, so I was thinking who does that at this age. I said that wasn't really funny especially given the nature of the ongoing legal matters and she said everyone thought it was funny but me, and I was immature for jumping to conclusions without talking to her first. I think she claimed everyone thought it was funny to put more blame on me because she admitted today that some people were concerned. I will admit that I jumped the gun and was an idiot about texting about the lease stuff/personal belongings I still have there. Well I guess she didn't hear me state that I messaged her friend on FB, and she supposedly found out today. Everyone could guess how that went, and she now demanded for me to be taken off the lease and forfeit the deposit because she said I shouldn't be contacting anyone she knows (which is true since we aren't together). So, now I have to deal with getting out of the lease and will be in no contact obviously. I tried to explain to her how screwed up of a "joke" it was when I'm still struggling with the break up, and she kept stating how my response was more immature than her friend's joke. I am sharing because it is a mistake to break no contact and nothing good can come out of it. Just me looking like an idiot... So, if you think about contacting your ex because of something you see or hear, please don't and don't contact any of their friends either.
mightycpa Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I don't know. It sounds like some good came out of this, and you're getting out of the lease. Now I know she wants you to forfeit your share of the deposit, but people in hell want icewater and they don't get it either. Don't roll over just because she's angry. You're supposed to look out for you now, not her. 1
Author mountains Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 I don't know. It sounds like some good came out of this, and you're getting out of the lease. Now I know she wants you to forfeit your share of the deposit, but people in hell want icewater and they don't get it either. Don't roll over just because she's angry. You're supposed to look out for you now, not her. Found out today it wasn't a joke... Feel bad because she is going back to someone that broke her nose in August and found out she lied to me and dropped the charges and restraining order a month before she dumped me, but can only hope for her sake it doesn't happen again because normally if he did it once, it will happen again. There were several holes punched in the walls of her old house that I had to patch, so he obviously has major anger issues. I guess you're right some good did come out it. I get out of the lease and any liability if another domestic violence issue happens without my name being associated with the residence and it explains why I got dumped out of the blue with no real explanation; it also helps me really move on because I know I'm better than that to grieve over a person who left me for an abusive partner. Like I said, just hope he doesn't physically harm her again, but I can only pray for that now and move on without ever looking back. But still breaking no contact is never a good thing, but I will be selfish as hell now.
Hell Yeah Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Hey dude I did the same thing, I saw something on the net that pissed me and reacted when contacted during NC. Your only human mate I also found out the hard way do not get involved with people that have come from abusive toxic relationships unless they have healed as much as possible, had therapy/counselling and sorted their **** out before involving anyone else into their head and life's Not worth the drama it presents my friend, as they tend to have their heart still attached to the monster that is their ex romanticising the whole past relationship........which means no room for people like you and I. Not worth your time, energy and love dude Be cool 1
Author mountains Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 Hey dude I did the same thing, I saw something on the net that pissed me and reacted when contacted during NC. Your only human mate I also found out the hard way do not get involved with people that have come from abusive toxic relationships unless they have healed as much as possible, had therapy/counselling and sorted their **** out before involving anyone else into their head and life's Not worth the drama it presents my friend, as they tend to have their heart still attached to the monster that is their ex romanticising the whole past relationship........which means no room for people like you and I. Not worth your time, energy and love dude Be cool I agree that I think she convinced herself that him breaking her nose was just an accident along with all of the holes in the wall and lying to her about having cancer were only minor things compared to the love they shared. I just feel sorry for people like that because she may be trapped in absuive relationships for the rest of her life unless she gets professional help.
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