arsenal78 Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 6 months post breakup, I'm struggling with wanting to know if my ex cheated on me or not. I think it's more like wanting to affirm my suspicions while we were together. We had a very tumultuous breakup to the point where we have communicated very little since. I initiated the breakup due to my mistrust in her but I still cannot seem to shake the thoughts, analyzing things and events during the relationship is driving me insane to the point where it is affecting my daily life. Though I'm unsure if it even matters but I'm still so low about it all. I know for a fact that she does not want to hear from me; unfortunately back after she first broke NC at 1 month to start trouble, I reciprocated and said some things that were cold but true. I'm such a non believer in the ignorance is bliss but I'm so torn on if it's even worth it. If I find out she was, it'll probably just add to my anger and humiliation about the situation but will affirm I was right and not crazy. If she says no, will I even believe her and if I do - will I then feel bad about leaving her? And odds are she isn't going to respond anyways or will with some crazed retort that I'm bothering her despite the fact there's been no contact since July. We were together a year.
CarrieT Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 She is an Ex. What happened then doesn't matter now. What will it change if you knew? Move on and don't look back. 3
Draper Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Don't do it mate. You might think it will give you some kind of closure but will it really make you feel any better no? No, the only kind of closure that will ever help you is the kind you create from moving on.
Stercrazy Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Knowing or not has no impact. Either way the relationship is over and its time to recover.
Amelie1980 Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Knowing does have an impact. Mine lied to me about the break up and blamed me for it. I found out months later he cheated and blaming me was a set piece so he could walk off guilt free. I blamed myself for months after that...until I found out he cheated. Then I laid it to rest...I realized he was the liar and there was nothing I could have done. Sometimes it can help to know. 1
mightycpa Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I wonder why you want to know. If you were right, there's no gain in knowing now. If you were wrong, there is still nothing to be gained. Then there's the question of whether or not you'll get the truth, assuming you even get an answer. Why drag the past back into the present? There must be something else going on, like regret or doubt, or some misgivings about how it all went down. Sometimes it doesn't end so well, and sometimes we're at fault for that. It seems to me you'd have better things to do than to walk through this garden over and over again.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I've somewhat been in your position, OP. An ex and I were together for nearly 8 years, lived together about 6.5. For a number of different reasons, we drifted apart and eventually ended the relationship. I had some suspicions at the time that he was hiding something from me, but I didn't press it because I already knew we were over. Fast forward almost 3 years. I have since moved abroad and have had very limited contact with him since we split. It has been almost 2 years now since we last had any communication at all, which was just to clarify something for tax records (we'd filed jointly when we were together) I have moved on to another relationship and I am happy. But through a random series of events and very much by chance, I came to find out about 6 months ago that he had indeed been having an affair near the end of the relationship. He is actually now married to the "other woman" and they have a child together. And you know what? I am so far removed from him now that I received the confirmation of him cheating as "yeah, I knew it" and that was about it. Had I learned that at the time of the split, though, I think it would've been very hard to take and have affected me differently. So my advice to you? Don't do this to yourself right now. If you're still hurting over the split, it won't help.
Wewon Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Go with the preponderance of the evidence (assume she did or didn't) and move on. The reason, you are on bad terms and she has little to no incentive to give you peace of mind. Depending on her personality, she may take a little pleasure in your distress. This isn't going to win me any awards but the moral high ground and the appearance of being the "good person" is excruciatingly important to most women and very few would surrender that by admitting to this if they don't have to.
io2iio Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 The ship has sailed. It would be foolish to wait for it. Catch a new young ship that will make you happy. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Silver_star Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 No, its not worth it. We don't always get the answers to our questions about the relationship. The relationship is over. You answered that yourself with all of the various ways she could respond, or not respond. It all breaks down to extending your grieving process. Don't do that to yourself. Just keep on moving on. One day at a time. Let the past go. You can't change it.
Oregon_Dude Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Sure, go ahead and do that. Also, ask for video of the event. Hopefully she's screaming his name while cumming.
Author arsenal78 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Thanks everyone for the sound logic. I think a good bit of my issue lies with the unresolved/unanswered questions but being able to live with uncertainty is just another part of it all that I've got to accept and move towards something better. Thank you again.
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