Ex broke up with me for cheating, but I really want him back

December 1, 2015

I cheated on my ex and I want him back

Hey guys.. So I've been out of a 5 year relationship with my ex. During this time, we would argue on an almost Everyday basis, mainly arguments because I am petty. We were a very clingy couple and we would hang out almost Everyday if we could, and spend all of our lives together and it would still never be enough. He said was totally fine with me being clingy.

Basically, I had cheated on him 1.5 years back. We got together at the age of 15 and I would say that all my life had been pretty much spent with my ex, and I guess having another guy like me made me feel good about myself. Also the fact that we clicked instantly and had neverending conversations made us develop feelings for each other. So I left my then Boyfriend for this other guy for 2 months, thinking he was my soulmate. During this time my ex begged for me back but I wouldn't go back.. Until I got cheated on. So I went back to my ex but things were no longer the same anymore. He was in a whole lot of pain because he really loved me, and would constantly think of me and the other guy, till the point of getting nightmares when he slept. We started quarrelling even more than before and he would use my cheating as ammunition to our arguments. I felt very guilty about this on a daily basis until the point of constantly wanting to leave and start a new relationship, with a clean record. However he didn't want that so he just bottled his feelings up as to not further my guilt. This led to our emotional connection being lost and, 7 months ago I cheated again because I had an emotional connection with another guy and he made me happy. However after that affair I immediately regretted my decision and told my ex about it again. This time he was really devastated and our relationship had slowly lost its meaning. He would still take me out to dinners, movies and did all the stuff he knew I would like, but he also said he slowly faded over those 7 months with me, and that everything he became half-hearted. So he had been emotionally and physically preparing himself to break up with me.

I know what I have done is unforgivable, I take full responsibility for my actions and truly feel remorseful. I realised I really did love him very much.. We were just too comfortable with each other that I took him for granted. I really want him back and I cried, begged, done everything I could to ask for forgiveness. I also said I would quit clubbing and alcohol (the guy I met was a friend's Friend at a club). And that I would take drastic measures to gain his trust back such as letting him check up on me Everyday and my messages etc (I really would act on it). However he does not want to try anymore. He is filled with absolute hatred for me and he said that I made him realise that cheaters can never be forgiven. He really tried for over a year to get rid of the pain, but decided that he cannot accept what I had done. He said he never wanted to see me again, and has given me a full block, all except iMessage (that is how we communicate on a daily basis).

He has since followed artists on his Spotify such as seether, breaking Benjamin and three days grace. I had decided to do a 30 day no contact hoping to have his emotions settle down, however on day 19 he texted me asking for some of his items back and that he would pass me back my stuff as well. Thinking that it meant he was willing to talk again, I shortened by NC to 21 days and asked if we could talk. He replied saying there is nothing to talk. This conversation ended up with him getting really annoyed with me and telling me that he just wanted his items back that's all. And that I should 'f off' .

He still seems to be filled with anger and hatred. Is 21 days not enough? What should I do now? He is going to the army in 2 months and I am really afraid that there is no hope in getting him back anymore.. I want to show him I am capable of change but he does not trust me anymore. I do not want to move on without a fight because he is so worth fighting for.

Please help!

December 1, 2015

I'm sorry but it sounds like he is done with you. He is leaving in 2 months and will have another life and meet new people. He isn't trying to reconcile anything with you before he leaves. He wants you to leave him alone. I know it's hard but you are going to have to accept that you lost him and learn from your past mistakes. You will be okay. Men like a woman they can put on a pedestal and after you cheated on him he will never put you up there again.

December 1, 2015

Is 21 days not enough?

Enough for what? There is no statute of limitation on cheating. If he doesn't want to take you back after what you've done then it's his choice and his choice alone. I can tell you that there is no way I would take a cheater back even if hell froze over and she was the last woman on earth.

What should I do now?

You should leave him alone. He has made his views crystal clear and has made his decision. You have to respect his choice and just leave him alone.

Next time think about the consequences of your actions.

December 1, 2015

He's probably done. He already had some trouble forgiving you for the first time, and then you did it again. You cheated on him twice, plus you left him for another guy...

If he was on here I wouldn't even advise him to take you back. I doubt it would work anyway with him being away in the military, and his trust issues about your relationship. (Which I can totally understand)

You're still young, so you can learn from all of this and try not to make the same mistakes in the future with another guy.

December 1, 2015

I'm sorry but I can't blame him. You cheated on him twice. You don't fight for a relationship after it is over, you fight while you're in it to make it work. You should give him back his things and let him be. I'm glad that you can take responsibility for your actions, you just have to stop making the same mistake over and over.

December 1, 2015

Okay, you're not going to like what I have to say, But you need to open your eyes.

You were in the driver's seat when you cheated. That was 100% on you. That was a choice you made. He had nothing to do with that. Now, he's in the driver's seat as far as where this relationship goes. And, unfortunately, he wants to leave. That's HIS choice and you have no say in the matter. He's done.

So, you have to realize your mistakes. And chalk this up as a learning experience. Of what NOT to do in a relationship and apply it to your next. Look, you're young. You were with him since you were 15. Most relationships that start that young don't make it the long haul anyway. What you want out of life at 15 is a lot different than what you want when you're 22. And what you want at 22 is going to be a lot different from what you want at 30. My point is, people change. It's time to go out and experience different things. Meet different people. I think it's time to move on and that's what your Ex wants to do. You betrayed him and he's angry and hurt. So, he's not going to be your biggest fan right now. So, I think you need to leave him alone. Let him go so he can heal (and you need to as well).

December 1, 2015

Basically, I had cheated on him 1.5 years back. We got together at the age of 15 and I would say that all my life had been pretty much spent with my ex, and I guess having another guy like me made me feel good about myself. Also the fact that we clicked instantly and had neverending conversations made us develop feelings for each other. So I left my then Boyfriend for this other guy for 2 months, thinking he was my soulmate. During this time my ex begged for me back but I wouldn't go back.. Until I got cheated on. So I went back to my ex but things were no longer the same anymore

I stopped reading there.

You didnt cheat on him....you actually dumped your BF for this other guy. YOu left him, you didnt just sleep around on the side.

You left for TWO months and you only went back to your BF because your new guy cheated on you. Then you crawled back to your BF who had a hard time dealing with it and rightly so.

If your new guy hadnt cheated on you, I doubt very much you EVER would have gone back to your bf. You said it yourself you wouldnt go back until you were cheated on.

You clicked instantly with new guy, neverending conversations.....it wasnt just cheating for sex, you wanted this new guy more than your BF.

I think if you got your BF back, you would be likely to do it again an leave.

Just give it up. Stop wasting your ex bf's time and leave him alone.

December 1, 2015

I stopped reading there.

You didnt cheat on him....you actually dumped your BF for this other guy. YOu left him, you didnt just sleep around on the side.

You left for TWO months and you only went back to your BF because your new guy cheated on you. Then you crawled back to your BF who had a hard time dealing with it and rightly so.

If your new guy hadnt cheated on you, I doubt very much you EVER would have gone back to your bf. You said it yourself you wouldnt go back until you were cheated on.

You clicked instantly with new guy, neverending conversations.....it wasnt just cheating for sex, you wanted this new guy more than your BF.

I think if you got your BF back, you would be likely to do it again an leave.

Just give it up. Stop wasting your ex bf's time and leave him alone.

Yes I agree with this.

Its possible also that once she was cheated on she had a reality check on what it feels like to be cheated on. Possibly she gained some empathy and remorse which may have lead he back to her Ex. So yeah, probably didn't go back to an Ex that she was madly in love with but rather probably put him on a "high morals" pedestal since he never cheated on anybody. He was the good guy amongst all the mess.

December 1, 2015

This post is the reason why the whole second chance thing is so tricky. The dumper and the dumpee have two completely different realities and the dumper, as good of a person you might be, typically can't or chooses not to acknowledge these differences.

You went through a bit of introspection and relationship doubt, your boyfriend had to process a lot more including trying to guess at what would be the next thing that would send you packing. He also gets to question if you're really committed or simply settling. That's a lot more to digest and he had to bottle it up so that you didn't feel guilt and hence the "life" left the relationship.

I'd say that you should move on. Your connection is broken and most likely won't heal while you're both picking at it.

December 1, 2015

You're in your early 20s with a whole life ahead of you. You probably won't even remember him in 10 years.

Learn from this and enjoy being single and young.

December 1, 2015

You are very busy with wanting him and missing him. Try to stop for a minute and think.

After the first guy you've cheated with, you didn't pay the price, and here you go cheating again with a different guy. If he takes you back - It means you don't pay any significant price, So any reasonable human being will assume you will do it again. When I say "every human being" I mean "you"! You have no reason to be sure you wouldn't do it again.

If you lose him for good, there's a chance that you will be faithful to your new guy. Because you did pay a price, by losing your Ex.

So, instead of acting like a junkie, needs her drug, willing to promise anything, and changing her beliefs in a blink of an eye, Go and work on yourself, improve yourself, to be more reliable, a person who can be trusted. The only way to be a marriage material woman, is to get into rehab from your Ex, otherwise no one will believe your promises not to cheat again.

Edited December 1, 2015 by lolablue17

December 1, 2015

Yes I agree with this.

Its possible also that once she was cheated on she had a reality check on what it feels like to be cheated on. Possibly she gained some empathy and remorse which may have lead he back to her Ex.

Yeah and then she cheated on him again. ...

December 1, 2015

If you lose him for good, there's a chance that you will be faithful to your new guy. Because you did pay a price, by losing your Ex.

One of my exes cheated on his first GF. Lost her for good. Then cheated on the next and shows a propensity for sleeping around. He is not a young man either and now well into his 30s.

Some people just have a propensity for cheating where others don't.

Edited December 1, 2015 by Amelie1980

December 1, 2015

Your relationship was incredibly long for ones so young. It's probably unfathomable for you to see yourself with anybody else but your relationship was dysfunctional for a while. It's time to let it go. Leaving him is leaving your childhood behind. In a few years you will be able to see the happy memories but now is a time for positive changes & new experiences.

December 1, 2015

You do know, don't you, that if he takes you back, it's just going to be so that he can get you feeling all loving and comfortable, and then when you do, he's going to cheat on you and show you how it feels. You know that, right?

He's too angry now to think about that, but if you keep bugging him, that's where it's going.

I think what you need to do is to go to college, sleep around, and get all that varietal sex out of your system. You need to practice how to tell one guy that you're sleeping with another one. It's not easy, but it can be done. When you can do all that without guilt or sneaking around, you'll be ready to consider taking on an exclusive relationship.

December 1, 2015

Thank you all for your advices, I understand that he may really be done with me.

I know that many of you will not believe me when I say I won't cheat anymore, but the past 7 months I really did not want to have anything to do with other guys. He started reading this 'love language' book and started expressing his love in my love language, that's when my feelings came back stronger than I ever loved him. I know this sounds crazy, but I was ready to settle down for good. I decided that he was the one for me and I tried to make us work.

The last straw happened not because I did him any wrong, but because he had a small car accident. He had texted me while driving and did not step on his brake hard enough and as a result, kissed the back of the car in front of him. The lady driver claimed $3.5k. After that day, he became more irritable and distant to me. He had to make a police report the following morning which was a Saturday (police office opened half day) and also my sister's wedding at 10am. He was really stressed that morning because I needed him to be there for the wedding and his parents had wanted him to make the police report first. In the end, he chose to go my sister's wedding first. He still chose me over himself. If he really faded like he said he did the last few months, why would he still do that?

He wasn't just my Boyfriend, but also my Best Friend for 5 years. And I really do not wish to let go of that.. Is there really no hope of a reconciliation? This is the same guy who would put me above his parents, and even himself. I keep telling myself he is just angry, that I have to wait until his anger subsides.. At least he is not apathetic right?

I am really lost at this point but he never gave up on me in the past.. So I can't give up without a fight either.

December 1, 2015

He last told you he just wanted his stuff back and told you to f. off. Mail his stuff back and leave it.

For texting while driving, he deserves to have his license torn up. He could have killed someone.

December 1, 2015

He last told you he just wanted his stuff back and told you to f. off. Mail his stuff back and leave it.

For texting while driving, he deserves to have his license torn up. He could have killed someone.

Oh sorry I forgot to mention that it was during a traffic stop.

December 2, 2015

Thank you all for your advices, I understand that he may really be done with me.

I know that many of you will not believe me when I say I won't cheat anymore, but the past 7 months I really did not want to have anything to do with other guys. He started reading this 'love language' book and started expressing his love in my love language, that's when my feelings came back stronger than I ever loved him. I know this sounds crazy, but I was ready to settle down for good. I decided that he was the one for me and I tried to make us work.

The last straw happened not because I did him any wrong, but because he had a small car accident. He had texted me while driving and did not step on his brake hard enough and as a result, kissed the back of the car in front of him. The lady driver claimed $3.5k. After that day, he became more irritable and distant to me. He had to make a police report the following morning which was a Saturday (police office opened half day) and also my sister's wedding at 10am. He was really stressed that morning because I needed him to be there for the wedding and his parents had wanted him to make the police report first. In the end, he chose to go my sister's wedding first. He still chose me over himself. If he really faded like he said he did the last few months, why would he still do that?

He wasn't just my Boyfriend, but also my Best Friend for 5 years. And I really do not wish to let go of that.. Is there really no hope of a reconciliation? This is the same guy who would put me above his parents, and even himself. I keep telling myself he is just angry, that I have to wait until his anger subsides.. At least he is not apathetic right?

I am really lost at this point but he never gave up on me in the past.. So I can't give up without a fight either.

You cheated on him twice. Dishes are done. He gave you a mulligan and you threw it back in his face. It's the old "fool me once, shame on you fool me twice shame on me". You're out of chances, and deservedly so.

Learn from your mistakes here and move forward. This can be a great lesson for the rest of your life, but no, you're out of shots here.

December 2, 2015

Once a cheater..always a cheater

December 2, 2015

Once a cheater..always a cheater

This is very true.

You only went back because your new one dumped you. Think about that.

There's no guarantee you wont do it again.

I would give anything to be your age again. FFS go out and meet new people. It's easy at your age.

December 2, 2015

I know that many of you will not believe me when I say I won't cheat anymore

What does it matter if we believe you or not? That won't help you in any way. He doesn't want to give you a 2nd (or is that 3rd or 4th or 5th...?) chance so whether you're going to cheat in the future or not, is immaterial.

I can't give up without a fight either.

So what are you going to do? He hates you. Anything you do will simply make him hate you more. He just wants you to leave him alone. That is the only thing that will make him hate you (a little) less.

December 2, 2015

The last straw happened not because I did him any wrong, but because he had a small car accident. He had texted me while driving and did not step on his brake hard enough and as a result, kissed the back of the car in front of him. The lady driver claimed $3.5k. After that day, he became more irritable and distant to me. He had to make a police report the following morning which was a Saturday (police office opened half day) and also my sister's wedding at 10am. He was really stressed that morning because I needed him to be there for the wedding and his parents had wanted him to make the police report first. In the end, he chose to go my sister's wedding first. He still chose me over himself. If he really faded like he said he did the last few months, why would he still do that?

My goodness the above sounds selfish. Was he in the wedding or you just wanted him there? Don't you think that him taking care of his business was more important than just being at your sister's wedding? He chose you over himself but you don't show the same concern for him. I hate to say this but you sound a bit self absorbed and I fear if you did get him back you would mistreat him again. I think he should continue moving forward without you.

December 2, 2015

Girl, I think you need to take a step back and re-evaluate your life. You messed up. I think you need to figure out why you did what you did. Again, he was in the driver seat as far and the relationship goes and he's chosen to walk away.

I think that you've lost him. There's no way you can erase what was done. But, for every person, there's a deal breaker in every relationship. I think you found his deal breaker.

I know it's not what you want, but it is what it is. I think it's time to let him go. Time to heal and figure things out. Learn from this experience. Learn that cheating is NEVER the answer, it just causes you to lose everything.

December 2, 2015

It would be a lot easier if he had cheated on you, wouldn't it? Then all could be forgiven, and you could get back together again.

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Ex broke up with me for cheating, but I really want him back

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