jen1447 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Jen you can always bash me over the head, I am non offendable.....my friends have ben working on me for year and there are few people with thicker skin than I Ok then, here's me trying to come from her perspective. (Total speculation obvs bc I don't know her at all but 'because women.') You were her friend, she was in a tight spot financially but lots of ppl are and what she wanted from friends was emotional support and understanding and friendship. Most ppl in financial trouble are able to overcome it themselves by bearing down for a while and getting a grip. But the emotional stress and turmoil of life being 'unfair' etc. is maybe harder to deal with and sth she wanted more support with in the form of friendship. By giving her $1000, you effectively became a financial supporter and withdrew your friendship - right when she needed it most, while not (see above) really needing the money. By giving her money she feels she has to answer to you for it, no matter the no strings attached promise, bc financial supporters always want an accounting - even if that just takes the form of awkward thanks or some later date explanation that things worked out or not. If she has to account to you, she can't really confide in you. So again, you withdrew friendship - what she actually wanted - in favor of monetary assistance - sth she didn't ask for. Now she's left w/one less friend and quite possibly the ignominy of having to deal w/making financial accountings to someone who didn't value her friendship enough to protect it and allow her her dignity and autonomy. Or something like that.
Author MiddleManMike Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Ok then, here's me trying to come from her perspective. (Total speculation obvs bc I don't know her at all but 'because women.') You were her friend, she was in a tight spot financially but lots of ppl are and what she wanted from friends was emotional support and understanding and friendship. Most ppl in financial trouble are able to overcome it themselves by bearing down for a while and getting a grip. But the emotional stress and turmoil of life being 'unfair' etc. is maybe harder to deal with and sth she wanted more support with in the form of friendship. By giving her $1000, you effectively became a financial supporter and withdrew your friendship - right when she needed it most, while not (see above) really needing the money. By giving her money she feels she has to answer to you for it, no matter the no strings attached promise, bc financial supporters always want an accounting - even if that just takes the form of awkward thanks or some later date explanation that things worked out or not. If she has to account to you, she can't really confide in you. So again, you withdrew friendship - what she actually wanted - in favor of monetary assistance - sth she didn't ask for. Now she's left w/one less friend and quite possibly the ignominy of having to deal w/making financial accountings to someone who didn't value her friendship enough to protect it and allow her her dignity and autonomy. Or something like that. I read ya and that makes sense if you are a woman. Im not, I was doing something nice for a friend. Plain and simple. Thanks for your insight, never thought of that the way you presented it.
winny Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I read ya and that makes sense if you are a woman. Im not, I was doing something nice for a friend. Plain and simple. Thanks for your insight, never thought of that the way you presented it. I dont think its that complicated. She just misunderstood his intentions. She thought that he is gonna ask for something in return in future maybe a date or something more and she doesnt wanna get into that.
Recommended Posts