london2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Hi There, Me and the ex broke up around 3 months ago after a 6 month relationship. Different nationalities, cultures, relationship wants and differences in do's and dont's meant that at the 4th/5th time of threatening each other in a heated argument that we should break up she kept to her word and ended things..I spent the next couple of weeks chasing after her to no positive ending and one day about 3 months ago just decided to stop trying to fix things and broke off contact. We are blocked on each others social media and whatsapp... I am not sure why but overnight I had this urge to check her social media which I did and saw nothing that hurt me (as in new relationship, guy pics etc) but saw she had done some activities which I felt we could have done. Of course i am not controlling in anyway and if she had looked on my social media there are more pictures with females (friends) that she wouldn't have met before..i did of course have to be logged out to get over the fact we are blocked on each other pages to see the pics.. Seeing these pics and the fact that the only way to reach each other is via email i just sent the following: 'Reaching 1st December I just wanted to send a quick note after months of being completely apart to say that the thoughts and love doesn't stop from my side - wishing you and your family a great December/Christmas/New Year'. I dont expect a response back as clearly she didnt feel it was worth continuing three months ago but how do i get over this sudden lapse of concentration in living my life and forgetting all about her?! Please advise! Link to post Share on other sites
Author london2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Any thoughts guys?? Link to post Share on other sites
chris maurice Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You start by blocking all means of contacting her. The fact that you can easily message her like that is not good for you. You need to block her everywhere.. You need to be out more. And with diff things and diff ppl that wont remind you of her. Try alot of new things. New fun happy meories will help you forget the old hurtful ones. I know the feeling. I caved alot. But remember people have control of there decisions. Those who stay or fight for you deserve to be there. Those who walk away easy with no effort to get back in uour life dont deserve to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Uh, you shouldn't have done that. Exercise more self-control, live your own life, and work on forgetting her. Emailing her just demonstrates to her that you're all hung up on her. Ego boost = she wins again. So like, don't do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You resist the urge to send her trite, hokey messages that spell out that you basically still haven't moved on. Threatening to breakup four or five times in the span of a six-month relationship means either you guys are both immature or just not a good fit; probably a bit of both, to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
greenleaves54 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Your message looked fine except for the "love"-part. When she ignores this message you will at least know for sure that it's over. How do you move on from here? Easy to say but hard to do. You start with NC again, spend time on yourself and then sooner or later you will meet another pretty girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 'Reaching 1st December I just wanted to send a quick note after months of being completely apart to say that the thoughts and love doesn't stop from my side - wishing you and your family a great December/Christmas/New Year'.What she hears/reads: "I'm still in love with you and I can't move on. I'm a desperate man. Please give me attention. I'm struggling without you. I love you so much." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 What she hears/reads: "I'm still in love with you and I can't move on. I'm a desperate man. Please give me attention. I'm struggling without you. I love you so much." I have to agree. What on earth were you thinking - ? Breaking NC like that just screams "You're still on my mind and I miss you like crazy, please respond, I need to know you're still thinking of me!" Bad idea, sorry fellah.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author london2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 I know and you're all right and great advice, thanks guys. I just had a moment of weakness I guess and had been absolutely fine these past three months or so getting on with personal training, learning new languages, spending time with friends, chilling and focussing on me etc.. Its just hard to think I spent 6 months 'worshipping' her in a way in terms of support, advice, guidance and showing so much love and got messed about so much...how can someone just completely clock off from all of that?! Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 You quite clearly didnt worship her. You were together for 6 months and didnt see eye to eye on anything and had several heated arguments in which you both threatened to end things. It is very very easy to clock off from a dysfunctional mess like that. It is easier to leave it than to carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Men still don't get it. They WANT you to move on. They WANT you to be a man. Which means if they want to end it - grab your sack, give it a painful tug, and let them the f*ck GO. No contacting, no begging, no negotiating, no anything. As men we are supposed to be strong, regardless. So be strong. Do the crying and whining on your own time - ALONE. Sounds like you're making good progress, but for whatever reason you reached out to this nutbag who doesn't want you. You can't be a man in 75% of your life. ALL areas. Lesson learned. Back to NC and I will return your man card in another few months of silence. PS. Why would you worship a woman? They're impulsive, human, confused. This notion of women as perfection embodied is so erroneous. Pedestal. Take em off. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) Men still don't get it. They WANT you to move on. They WANT you to be a man. Which means if they want to end it - grab your sack, give it a painful tug, and let them the f*ck GO. No contacting, no begging, no negotiating, no anything. As men we are supposed to be strong, regardless. So be strong. Do the crying and whining on your own time - ALONE. Sounds like you're making good progress, but for whatever reason you reached out to this nutbag who doesn't want you. You can't be a man in 75% of your life. ALL areas. Lesson learned. Back to NC and I will return your man card in another few months of silence. PS. Why would you worship a woman? They're impulsive, human, confused. This notion of women as perfection embodied is so erroneous. Pedestal. Take em off. To be fair dont call her a nutbag....they sound as bad as each other. Look what he said: "Different nationalities, cultures, relationship wants and differences in do's and dont's meant that at the 4th/5th time of threatening each other in a heated argument that we should break up she kept to her word and ended things.." Neither one of them tried to make it work and instead both dug their heels in about how they wanted things their way and fighting instead of compromising or making allowances for each other. It doesnt sound as if they even liked each other much. Edited December 1, 2015 by Amelie1980 Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I dont expect a response back as clearly she didnt feel it was worth continuing three months ago but how do i get over this sudden lapse of concentration in living my life and forgetting all about her?! Please advise! Reset the clock and move on. Personally, I'm a big advocate of no contact, but I also don't think that a slip unrecoverable. You will ponder her for a little while but get back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Don't beat yourself up too much. What's done is done. If/when she doesn't respond, that will be motivation for you to not break it again. Just start a fresh. Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Even after receiving several breadcrumb messages myself, when you break NC as the dumpee you just feel pathetic. It's not worth it. Those breadcrumbs do not mean anything, they are just out of boredom and guilt. I had a terrible dream the other night involving my ex, woke up emotional missing him, and so I had an "urge" to reach out to him. All those breadcrumb messages after he dumped me left me thinking he cared, and I really wanted to know where I stood. He got back to me 6 hours later that he was busy being social so he just got home and now was too busy to talk. Uhm, that's what I should have been doing all day instead of still holding onto hope for him to come around. I asked if he had moved on to someone else. He said not really, but he had been dating other people now, and I should do the same. I felt like such a loser for reaching out to someone who is over me. I am not a priority in his life anymore, I allowed myself to be an option for him by responding to his breadcrumbs thinking it was innocent enough because it was just me responding. Not anymore. Radio silence. Take a lesson from this and never reach out to her again. Also, don't message her if anything comes your way. The relationship is over, and you can't have the relationship you want, don't settle for being an option for when they are bored or if you are in need of an ego boost. You're better than this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Im not sure why everyone is being down on the dumper here. It sounds as though for 6 months they both treated each other terribly. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Im not sure why everyone is being down on the dumper here. Because we're a bunch of bitter curmudgeons who don't actually read the OP. Advise first, then read the thread, is my motto. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Because we're a bunch of bitter curmudgeons who don't actually read the OP. Advise first, then read the thread, is my motto. They had screaming arguments for 6 months, neither one of them would give on the multiple differences they had. And they had differences about everything. They both threatened to end it many times and she finally did it. They just werent right for each other but I dont see the dumper did anything wrong. It was never going to work. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I don't read this thread in the light of "everyone is down on the dumper". What I read is, this dude messed up by sending her an email AFTER he was mostly recovered. You don't do that. You ride your good wave and don't muck around in the past. Enn f*cking cee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I don't read this thread in the light of "everyone is down on the dumper". What I read is, this dude messed up by sending her an email AFTER he was mostly recovered. You don't do that. You ride your good wave and don't muck around in the past. Enn f*cking cee. We've all done it. I'll probably do it at some point, Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 We've all done it.Right, and the point is to not make the same mistakes twice. You seem like you want to argue just for the sake of it. I'm not sure why you're posting, tbh. Link to post Share on other sites
DontBreakEven Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 What she hears/reads: "I'm still in love with you and I can't move on. I'm a desperate man. Please give me attention. I'm struggling without you. I love you so much." Well, that's what he is and what he feels. Why is it so "desperate" and pathetic to be in love with someone?? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Well, that's what he is and what he feels. Why is it so "desperate" and pathetic to be in love with someone?? It isn't. It's desperate and pathetic to declare your love for someone months after someone dumped you and has made no effort to reach out and reconcile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author london2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Thanks guys for all of the comments.. I am so disappointed in myself by breaking NC after three strong months so appreciate the tough love shown above! Im hoping I view this as a clear final indication of the whole me and her is over phase... I am not sure why I broke NC with the message as I dont feel like I am missing any part of her of what we had. It is more of a case of missing an relationship so on that note should wake up and realise once and for all that she simply wasnt the one, right?!! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 You knew that 3 months ago.... Link to post Share on other sites
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