Very strange behaviour after date?

[Fuerza]

I'm so annoyed right now.

 

I had a date few days ago with a guy (met on Tinder) I found pretty attractive, thought I'd give it a go and see from there how it goes.

 

Once we sat down for a drink we actually had fun, laughed and talked a lot to the point the people at the place we were sitting at were looking annoyed at us

 

At some point I went to the toilet and I saw him take his phone out of his pants when I closed the door, by the time I came back we talked for 10 minutes and all of a sudden he asks me if I can get home (it was late) because he needs to leave for a party/friend/dunno. Totally did not expect this and annoyed I tell him sure no problem and I got up. He went with me to the station and I told him he can just leave (I was so damn annoyed) but he insisted he wanted to wait. When I wanted to say goodbye I wanted to kiss him goodbye (on the cheek) and for some reason he tried kissing me but I gave him the cheek and left.

 

Next day no message of him, so decided to just sent a simple text that I had fun which he responds to:

'me too, liked meeting you, lets do that again/let me know when you have time/ how is your day going?'. So I'm like all happy thinking this guy actually enjoyed himself with me.

 

I respond back to his messages and I notice Whatsapp shows only 1 tick. Its been many days now and still no message from him whatsoever. So obviously he blocked me. He hasn't deleted me on Tinder though so I could reach out to him through that but I refuse that.

 

What on earth do I do with his? I feel so confused? I feel like if he didn't like me, then why would he bother responding to my first text and just not block me right away? Why ask how my day is going if you're not interested in me and going to block me anyway? I just do not get it...

[lilmissjava]

It's just one of the many annoyances that come as a result of online dating.

 

You are better off to accept that not all guys you date will be a keeper. He was more than likely being polite and it was only 1 date.

 

Don't reach out. Move on to the next date.

[hippychick3]

The title of your post should be "My date turned out to be a jerk. Oh well. It was only one date. Onward and forward to the next date!"

 

He obviously had better things to do that night, and that took precedence over the remainder of your date (although if you had been on the date for quite some time, it was probably naturally time to part since it was only a first meeting).

 

Regardless, no man "counts" after one date. There are plenty of incompatible people out there. He most likely won't be the last. Forget him and move on!

[katiegrl]

I'm so annoyed right now.

 

I had a date few days ago with a guy (met on Tinder) I found pretty attractive, thought I'd give it a go and see from there how it goes.

 

Once we sat down for a drink we actually had fun, laughed and talked a lot to the point the people at the place we were sitting at were looking annoyed at us

 

At some point I went to the toilet and I saw him take his phone out of his pants when I closed the door, by the time I came back we talked for 10 minutes and all of a sudden he asks me if I can get home (it was late) because he needs to leave for a party/friend/dunno. Totally did not expect this and annoyed I tell him sure no problem and I got up. He went with me to the station and I told him he can just leave (I was so damn annoyed) but he insisted he wanted to wait. When I wanted to say goodbye I wanted to kiss him goodbye (on the cheek) and for some reason he tried kissing me but I gave him the cheek and left.

 

Next day no message of him, so decided to just sent a simple text that I had fun which he responds to:

'me too, liked meeting you, lets do that again/let me know when you have time/ how is your day going?'. So I'm like all happy thinking this guy actually enjoyed himself with me.

 

I respond back to his messages and I notice Whatsapp shows only 1 tick. Its been many days now and still no message from him whatsoever. So obviously he blocked me. He hasn't deleted me on Tinder though so I could reach out to him through that but I refuse that.

 

What on earth do I do with his? I feel so confused? I feel like if he didn't like me, then why would he bother responding to my first text and just not block me right away? Why ask how my day is going if you're not interested in me and going to block me anyway? I just do not get it...

 

Fuerza.... some people are just cowards and don't know how to reject someone considerately and respectfully.

 

So they do things like this guy did... leading you to think they like you, want to see you again....then boom, you're blocked.

 

I have a girlfriend who does this with the guys she dates and I think it's rude, inconsiderate and wrong.

 

I have asked her about it and she said she'd just rather tell them she's busy (sometimes she even says "another time!") all the while knowing she has no interest... so the guys keep texting her, until she finally just ignores or blocks them.

 

Meanwhile, the guys are like WTF.

 

Totally rude IMO.... try not to let it get to you too much.

[katiegrl]

It's just one of the many annoyances that come as a result of online dating.

 

You are better off to accept that not all guys you date will be a keeper. He was more than likely being polite and it was only 1 date.

Don't reach out. Move on to the next date.

 

That is NOT polite IMO. It's misleading, rude, inconsiderate and dishonest.

 

Agree with everything else you said though!!

Edited November 30, 2015 by katiegrl

[Fuerza]

It's just one of the many annoyances that come as a result of online dating.

 

You are better off to accept that not all guys you date will be a keeper. He was more than likely being polite and it was only 1 date.

 

Don't reach out. Move on to the next date.

 

It seriously is, however, polite would have been if he didn't lead me on and just said honestly how he felt instead of lying. I hate that.

 

The title of your post should be "My date turned out to be a jerk. Oh well. It was only one date. Onward and forward to the next date!"

 

He obviously had better things to do that night, and that took precedence over the remainder of your date (although if you had been on the date for quite some time, it was probably naturally time to part since it was only a first meeting).

 

Regardless, no man "counts" after one date. There are plenty of incompatible people out there. He most likely won't be the last. Forget him and move on!

 

Haha good one, yeah I've definitely moved on but it's such an inconsiderate dick move. Good point and thanks for your insight!

 

Fuerza.... some people are just cowards and don't know how to reject someone considerately and respectfully.

 

So they do things like this guy did... leading you to think they like you, want to see you again....then boom, you're blocked.

 

I have a girlfriend who does this with the guys she dates and I think it's rude, inconsiderate and wrong.

 

I have asked her about it and she said she'd just rather tell them she's busy (sometimes she even says "another time!") all the while knowing she has no interest... so the guys keep texting her, until she finally just ignores or blocks them.

 

Meanwhile, the guys are like WTF.

 

Totally rude IMO.... try not to let it get to you too much.

 

That's terrible! Why would she rather just lead them on instead of telling them the truth? Maybe she likes the feeling that she's being "hunted" by all these guys? Maybe it gives her a boost of self-confidence knowing that these guys keep asking when she wants to meet up. Nonetheless, it's really immature!

 

Trying to but I still kind of wonder why and if I did something wrong or so. Ohwell, next indeed!

[katiegrl]

Trying to but I still kind of wonder why and if I did something wrong or so. Ohwell, next indeed!

 

Unless you started picking your nose at the table or something equally gross...you didn't do anything "wrong."

 

He just wasn't feeling it, that's all.

 

I wish people would stop thinking they did anything wrong when guys (gals) don't wish to see them again.

 

And so what if you did (in his eyes).... you're just being you.... if he doesn't like it ....then so what?

 

You find a guy who does!

 

You be you ... let him be him.... either you click together or your don't. There is no wrong or right IMO.

[kismetkismet]

to be honest that's not really all that STRANGE. Sure it's not very polite of him to tell you that he would like to do something some time, when he doesn't really.. but the fact that he didn't continue the conversation after that is a pretty clear indicator that he doesn't want to continue things. and the rest of it is pretty much par for the course with online dating I'd imagine (i don't have that much experience in OLD, but it would make sense). Since it's the first time that you're meeting someone you really can't put too much into it. When you meet someone in real life you have already 'clicked' with them a bit so there's less chance that they will be disinterested after the first date, but first dates with someone from OLD is more like a shot in the dark, more chance for error or lack of chemistry etc. Basically he just wasn't into it.

[thecrucible]

I've met and gone on dates with some guys like that. I don't think they are being deliberately rude, more like they are unaware of how they come across. You know the sort of people who say "I had a great time. It would be great to see you again!" but it's just something they say, rather than anything meaningful. They might also be the type to not assert themselves but to just go along with things as long as they are having fun until you begin to ask them "where do you see this going?" and they give a non-committal answer. This I feel is very frustrating.

 

OP, I don't feel you did anything wrong so don't beat yourself about it. I would just put it down to experience. And don't worry that you didn't kiss him back. It obviously wasn't the right moment and you didn't feel comfortable enough. If the guy is interested enough, I guarantee he would want to keep seeing you whether you kissed or not.

[thecrucible]

When you meet someone in real life you have already 'clicked' with them a bit so there's less chance that they will be disinterested after the first date, but first dates with someone from OLD is more like a shot in the dark, more chance for error or lack of chemistry etc. Basically he just wasn't into it.

 

Agreed.

 

To add on to my other reply to this thread, I also think some people using online dating don't actually want to date. With some guys, I've gotten the hint that they just want evening company with anyone who can provide it or they are only doing it as practice in meeting people or as a social experiment. But again, I feel for anyone in the process of OLD. I use it myself and it's just really difficult because you can really like someone online but when you meet them, you don't get the vibe you were hoping for or personality you expected. I've learned that it's best to be totally neutral until you meet in real life.

[Fuerza]

Unless you started picking your nose at the table or something equally gross...you didn't do anything "wrong."

 

He just wasn't feeling it, that's all.

 

I wish people would stop thinking they did anything wrong when guys (gals) don't wish to see them again.

 

And so what if you did (in his eyes).... you're just being you.... if he doesn't like it ....then so what?

 

You find a guy who does!

 

You be you ... let him be him.... either you click together or your don't. There is no wrong or right IMO.

 

It doesn't really matter if he wasn't into me but I just find it SO strange that he even asks how I'm doing to then just blatantly block me... It's kind of as if he was trying to cover up the fact that he blocked me by still asking how my day was going?

 

If you're located where I am - we've just come off of a looong holiday weekend.

 

Maybe he was busy with family or friends in town.

 

 

I don't think you can assume he's blocked you.

 

Why not just be patient and see if he asks to see you within a week or so?

 

He definitely has blocked me, there is only 1 tick on Whatsapp when I answered after his question how I was doing... So it's pretty obvious. If Whatsapp showed that there were 2 ticks (which means the message was received) then I would have waited yes. But unless he all of the sudden has no internet there is no reason why there would be only 1 tick... Too bad the Tinder update doesn't show anymore when the person was last active. Then I could have been sure lol.

 

 

I've met and gone on dates with some guys like that. I don't think they are being deliberately rude, more like they are unaware of how they come across. You know the sort of people who say "I had a great time. It would be great to see you again!" but it's just something they say, rather than anything meaningful. They might also be the type to not assert themselves but to just go along with things as long as they are having fun until you begin to ask them "where do you see this going?" and they give a non-committal answer. This I feel is very frustrating.

 

OP, I don't feel you did anything wrong so don't beat yourself about it. I would just put it down to experience. And don't worry that you didn't kiss him back. It obviously wasn't the right moment and you didn't feel comfortable enough. If the guy is interested enough, I guarantee he would want to keep seeing you whether you kissed or not.

 

I'm over it yes, just frustrating because this was my first date after my ex so it would have given me quite the boost if he liked me. I wasn't expecting to come a relationship out of it, a friendship would have been nice too. I just find it so strange that he asked how I was doing that day, why bother asking that if you're not interested anymore. You have a good point though, thanks for your input!

 

 

Agreed.

 

To add on to my other reply to this thread, I also think some people using online dating don't actually want to date. With some guys, I've gotten the hint that they just want evening company with anyone who can provide it or they are only doing it as practice in meeting people or as a social experiment. But again, I feel for anyone in the process of OLD. I use it myself and it's just really difficult because you can really like someone online but when you meet them, you don't get the vibe you were hoping for or personality you expected. I've learned that it's best to be totally neutral until you meet in real life.

 

Yeah you're totally right! I def prefer meeting someone in real life, the physical interaction is better and at least the person has seen you in rl instead of just pictures. But hey, OLD is available so why not try it! Maybe I should just go out more now and give it a try like that.

[kismetkismet]

ahh yes, getting back into the dating game can be rough! Word of advice - don't take pleasantries all that seriously. People will almost always say things like "i had a great time" or "how was your day" etc. because they think they're being polite. No one wants to say point blank that they're not interested. Not even via text. They don't even want to NOT say positive things like "i had a great time" because then it's painfully obvious. It's similar to how people you don't know very well ask how your day was when they don't actually care what the answer is. It's just the pleasant/proper thing to say.

 

words are just words, particularly when they're unoriginal pleasantries, you have to look for other more solid cues that they are interested. In particular things that express an interest and commitment to spending time with you and getting to know you.

 

ETA - I don't condone/support the fact that people spout false pleasantries, it's just the way of the world. People would rather be fake than awkward

[smackie9]

It was a first date, and he isn't going to invest after one date....some people are just like that....they need to go out 5 or 6 times before they proceed to make you a priority. It's just the way it is with some people, especially when they are really attractive....it's a no brainer they will have more options.

 

So you didn't like how you were ushered off? Just be graceful about it, thank him for the date, then block/ delete....simple. Move onto someone else, wash, rinse, repeat. That's the way dating has always been like, even before the internet.

[kendahke]

Did he tell you why he was leaving the date? It could have been anything other than a party or whatever you're speculating on, but he wasn't going to tell you that because he just only met you.

 

Sometimes, the app doesn't deliver messages depending upon what's going on with their servers. I've had that happen to received and sent messages and I wasn't blocked.

 

If you don't like the vibe you got, then you're always free to block him and find someone else.

[Redhead14]

I'm so annoyed right now.

 

I had a date few days ago with a guy (met on Tinder) I found pretty attractive, thought I'd give it a go and see from there how it goes.

 

Once we sat down for a drink we actually had fun, laughed and talked a lot to the point the people at the place we were sitting at were looking annoyed at us

 

At some point I went to the toilet and I saw him take his phone out of his pants when I closed the door, by the time I came back we talked for 10 minutes and all of a sudden he asks me if I can get home (it was late) because he needs to leave for a party/friend/dunno. Totally did not expect this and annoyed I tell him sure no problem and I got up. He went with me to the station and I told him he can just leave (I was so damn annoyed) but he insisted he wanted to wait. When I wanted to say goodbye I wanted to kiss him goodbye (on the cheek) and for some reason he tried kissing me but I gave him the cheek and left.

 

Next day no message of him, so decided to just sent a simple text that I had fun which he responds to:

'me too, liked meeting you, lets do that again/let me know when you have time/ how is your day going?'. So I'm like all happy thinking this guy actually enjoyed himself with me.

 

I respond back to his messages and I notice Whatsapp shows only 1 tick. Its been many days now and still no message from him whatsoever. So obviously he blocked me. He hasn't deleted me on Tinder though so I could reach out to him through that but I refuse that.

 

What on earth do I do with his? I feel so confused? I feel like if he didn't like me, then why would he bother responding to my first text and just not block me right away? Why ask how my day is going if you're not interested in me and going to block me anyway? I just do not get it...

 

What on earth do I do with his? -- You don't do anything. You keep moving on with your life as if you'd never met him. He wasn't part of your world before that day and he's not part of it now . . .

[Fuerza]

ahh yes, getting back into the dating game can be rough! Word of advice - don't take pleasantries all that seriously. People will almost always say things like "i had a great time" or "how was your day" etc. because they think they're being polite. No one wants to say point blank that they're not interested. Not even via text. They don't even want to NOT say positive things like "i had a great time" because then it's painfully obvious. It's similar to how people you don't know very well ask how your day was when they don't actually care what the answer is. It's just the pleasant/proper thing to say.

 

words are just words, particularly when they're unoriginal pleasantries, you have to look for other more solid cues that they are interested. In particular things that express an interest and commitment to spending time with you and getting to know you.

 

ETA - I don't condone/support the fact that people spout false pleasantries, it's just the way of the world. People would rather be fake than awkward

 

Unfortunately they do! Thanks for your opinion, appreciate it! What other cues shall I look for on other dates? Everything he did looked like he was interested, shaky hands, looking in my eyes, trying to kiss me at the end... Anyways #next!

 

Did he tell you why he was leaving the date? It could have been anything other than a party or whatever you're speculating on, but he wasn't going to tell you that because he just only met you.

 

Sometimes, the app doesn't deliver messages depending upon what's going on with their servers. I've had that happen to received and sent messages and I wasn't blocked.

 

If you don't like the vibe you got, then you're always free to block him and find someone else.

 

He just said they had a surprise party arranged for a friend of his and that's why he had to leave. Yeah I did block him, just too awkward now. If he was interested he could have contacted me through Tinder but he didn't. Anyways I'm over it really, just found this date to be a very bizarre experience! Lots of mixed signals, I'm guessing he just wanted a hookup and because I didn't kiss him he probably felt denied.

[kismetkismet]

Honestly people are all too different and complex to know anything for certain after the first date. The best thing to do is just not to invest too much of yourself into it too soon. Remember that you are just getting to know someone in the initial stages of dating and that YOU can't even be sure whether you actually like them or not. If things don't pan out then you simply weren't a match. It's much easier once you just look at dating as getting to know one another rather than as some sort of competitive game where you win or lose.

 

The only way to find out how they feel about you is time. So don't waste your time trying to decipher the indecipherable. If they like you (and are worth your time) they will show a consistent interest in getting to know you and spend time with you.