Busy or stringing me along?

[eyeam]

Hey guys

 

Here's the story: met a girl on a dating app. She's 32 and I'm 39. I've been single for a year (by choice) after a horrible break up.. i've been on something like 24 dates this year (some good some bad) and had a few one night stands (some good some bad... mostly bad)

 

Anyway.. we chat on online/whats app and arrange to meet up Sunday at 7:00. She tells me she has an 8 year old son and is launching her own jewellery line, works a day job and is very busy. She was really vague about which day to meet etc... maybe tonight.. no no Thursday? Anyway Sunday.. At 5:00 on date day, I receive a text saying "Hey .. I'm sorry, i'm stuck in traffic .. can we make it 8:00?" sooo i think great!! but go ahead anyway. When she arrives, she apologies profusely and we sit down for a drink, We hit it off great have lots in common, I was being cheeky and charming and asking her lots of questions.. it was all good. All the signs were good, she was playing with her hair, touching/punching me.. laughing at my jokes .. even when they weren't funny. I had to leave by 12:00am ish because i had an early start Monday. We were having such fun that the time flew by and she was trying to convince me to stay for one more drink. I walked her to her bus stop and we kissed passionetly before her bus arrives.. bit drunk.

 

I left thinking. That's the first really good date I've been on the whole year.

 

Couple of days later I text her to say "Hey i had fun.. shall we do it again?" She agree'd and we flirt/tease about the bus stop thing.. I told her not to attack me like that and take advantage of me again next time. It's all good.. the only thing is she tells me she's busy with friends this weekend (her child free weekend) so I say cool .. next weekend? Anyway, I get back in touch after the weekend and she just always seems busy.. the shop, my son, job etc.. So I say "hey it's cool.. if you don't want to see me again just say..ok it's cool.. I'm a big boy etc" she replies "no no that would be crazy.. of course i do.. i'd tell you otherwise" long story short.

 

We arrange to go for dinner 2 weekends after our first date which was like pulling teeth.. but, All good.. dinner was amazing and we go for drinks afterward. Again all the signs were there again.. laughing/ teasing asking me about past relationships etc. she says "now.. why would you think i wouldn't want to see you again? ... it's just bad timing/busy is all" we passionately kiss most of the night, It felt really good to be in her company.. but she has to do the shop tomorrow for the first time.. so up early. i walk her to the bus stop and she said "no you are not coming home with me tonight .. if you think that?" Great date. All good. no red flags.

 

Two days later I recieve a text saying "thank you so much for the lovely dinner... and kisses x" we chat/ flirt again and i ask her when she's free again.. i get the same thing: I'm busy this weekend but maybe next week etc etc never with a counter offer? now I know she's genuinely busy.. it's not BS. We've been texting and she seems really interested.. but why all this flakiness? It seems to be hard to get her to agree to a date.. but when she does see me, she's all over me? really attracted/interested? I'm sure she's going on other dates at the moment ... which is fine. but, her behaviours kinda confusing, i get the feeling i might be in 2nd place (back up guy) but i could be wrong? not into that tho.. because when I ask her out, she usually says "can i let you know asap etc" ? maybe she needs a baby sitter?

 

i know she has a child and is busy .. but what do you guys think? it's early days I know, but she seems cool. I like her. She told me she's looking for something serious in the long run with someone .. and given the way we met .. I think she's worried I just want to f*ck her and i'll never call her again. she's making me wait/work for it maybe? I either get the feeling she's playing hard to get or she's stringing me along? Sometimes she takes forever to text back.. other times straight away. i'm not keen on the "slow fade" or "ghosting" tbh..

 

I plan on asking her out again tomorrow and if she flakes - i'm going to say "cool just let me know when you're definetly free again and we'll meet up" and walk .. put the ball in her court. If she's serious, she reach out etc

 

Confused.. thoughts?

 

Thanks

[mammasita]

Hard to say but then my thought is that you're never too busy to reach out and contact someone you are interested in.

 

She takes 2 days to text you? That, IMHO, seems off. It seems like a second thought or that she couldn't do it because she had eyes on her. Even someone with a child has 2 minutes to rattle off a text.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I agree with mammasita. Being a single parent can be daunting never mind raising a child AND launching a new business at the same time. Free time is precious BUT I'm still of the mindset that when you're interested in someone you MAKE time no matter what. I mean, we're all busy with something when you boil it down. It's a matter of priorities. She may be out dating right now but it appears she's wanting to date on her terms. It doesn't sound like dating is a priority for her right now, just a nice-to-have in between work, kids and friends. That's not necessarily a bad thing but it means you can probably expect much, much more of the same moving forward.

 

Good luck.

[eyeam]

yeah.. thanks for your thoughts guys.

 

I just sent her a text "Hey Sar.. fancy meeting up? was thinking cocktails :P"

 

we'll see? I'm really not good at chasing tbh. I get bored of it and this is sloooooooow. She definitely has that creative/ hippy/ flakey vibe.

[xcupid]

Sounds like she's genuinely busy with work, child, etc. You have to decide whether that's okay with you or whether it's going to drive you nuts. If it is going to do that, then move on. She's not the only fish in the ocean.

[eyeam]

reply: "I have no idea when I'm going to be free to get out again" "i won't get an evening free until at least 2 weeks time"

 

my reply: "ok - tell you what, just buzz me when you're definitely free and if you want to see me again. I'd like to see you again. All the best. Rx"

 

She hasn't even read the text yet (whats app) although she's been online for 10mins texting someone else? i'm deffo plan B. **** that. Number deleted. Next.

 

I think it's called a "slow fade"

[eyeam]

Her response: "ye cool. sorry I know its sh*t. I'm not that available"

 

if i hear from her again .. I'll eat my hat. We'll see

[mystikmind2005]

If i was in your position, by now i would be far less invested in it and i would be more focused on looking for someone else to date.

 

I would not give up entirely, just proceed as normal, but i would be very uncertain if she wanted to become exclusive down the road under these circumstances.

[xcupid]

Her response: "ye cool. sorry I know its sh*t. I'm not that available"

 

if i hear from her again .. I'll eat my hat. We'll see

 

Don't hold your breath.

[eyeam]

Yeah.. I've nexted her. I'm not interested in all the ball ache.. I'm pretty sure there's someone else in the picture? Even if she does get in touch in the future (which she won't) I'm not going to ask her out again. Somethings off about it!? No one's THAT busy. I've learnt my lesson before. I even gave her a "get out of jail free card" she could have just been honest.. It would've been cool. But, when someone makes lame excuses it just comes across as ... Well.. Lame. No hard feelings tho.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yeah.. I've nexted her. I'm not interested in all the ball ache.. I'm pretty sure there's someone else in the picture? Even if she does get in touch in the future (which she won't) I'm not going to ask her out again. Somethings off about it!? No one's THAT busy. I've learnt my lesson before. I even gave her a "get out of jail free card" she could have just been honest.. It would've been cool. But, when someone makes lame excuses it just comes across as ... Well.. Lame. No hard feelings tho.

 

Good call.

 

Speaking as a single parent with a very busy and demanding career and a full life of friends and family, I can tell you that whenever I was interested in seeing someone, I ALWAYS made the time be it texting, talking on the phone, meeting for a mid-day coffee, an evening night cap or full on date with all the bells and whistles. Always.

 

I'm not sure why people bother setting up a dating profile if they don't have time to date or even meet up but I guess it takes all kinds. She may very well have someone else she's more interested in but then again she may just be really bad at juggling all the areas of her life. Who the hell really knows except her.

 

Live and learn my friend.

 

You've tossed that ball into her court one too many times if you ask me. It's her turn to make the next move. Time for you to swipe right for your next adventure

[ISPY222]

coming from another very busy single mom, it really does sound like she's interested. Truly I've had the same issue with dating (hence why I'm here) most people don't have the patience for it. My child comes first, and I have to work a lot to pay the bills. Having someone would be nice, but its can be hard to fit in and the other person needs to understand that for it to work. It just depends if thats ok with you. The beginning stages are the hardest. Because she has to take time out of her schedule and find a sitter and go out. But as things move along it becomes easier. Eventually she will become comfortable with you, you will meet her child...can go to each other's places. Just try to be understanding. If she seems genuinely interested, then I would say stay patient and don't worry too much.

[eyeam]

Yeah.. It's a shame because I really like her. It's rare for me to meet someone I ACTUALLY like. But, yeah we'll see if she gets in touch, in the mean time I'm going to continue to date others.

[eyeam]

well.. I never did hear back from her.. ah well?! quite bizarre considering the way she behaved physically towards me tho?

 

I can't understand why people can't just be upfront about not wanting to see you again, other than pulling the "ghost". super lame and spineless imo

 

Anyway, had a sucsessful date with a beautiful French lady last night.. sweet, intelligent, travelled... and her accent!!!

[eyeam]

update on this one. She text me today for the first time in 2 weeks and said something along the lines of:

 

her: "Hi R, its been a ridiculous amount of time i know, i literally haven't been for one drink since. Anyway, I'm sure you're thinking we're not going to meet again, but just wanted to say anyway, although there was an attraction, i don't think there was enough of a spark there. I just didn't want to not text you again. Hope you have a lovely holiday x"

 

me: hey. it's cool. yeah i was getting that too. There was physical attraction, but just air between us. It was lovely meeting you though and hope it all works out for ya. Best R.

 

her "yeah it was lovely meeting you too x"

 

So, all good. At least she was honest in the end. She could've told me that a month ago tho aye

 

At least I followed me better judgement and moved on. Another one bites the dust.. but, that's why we date right

[smackie9]

All the ladies on here said that if there was a strong interest, no matter how busy they were, they would find time to see you again. They are telling you something here! When a woman can't seem to make time for you, she isn't interested. How the date goes means jack s hit. It's the behavior that follows ie; frequency of texts, the content in those texts, how AVAILABLE they make themselves, emotional investment, etc. That is how you gauge true interest.

 

When you hear "I'm pretty busy" "maybe or not sure if" "I'll check my schedule" "we will see" ditch them.

 

Everyone has this "I will give them the benefit of a doubt". NO don't do it! Move on. Like here this chick just wasted a month of your time.

 

Fact: there are woman out there that just want a little physical contact, but not the person they are doing it with. Just some quick stimulation to inflate their ego.

[smackie9]

Another thing, I believe each time it was the alcohol talking. Avoid this pattern. Try having coffee dates, light dinner like going for a slice of pizza, see a movie, etc.

[truth_seeker]

update on this one. She text me today for the first time in 2 weeks and said something along the lines of:

 

her: "Hi R, its been a ridiculous amount of time i know, i literally haven't been for one drink since. Anyway, I'm sure you're thinking we're not going to meet again, but just wanted to say anyway, although there was an attraction, i don't think there was enough of a spark there. I just didn't want to not text you again. Hope you have a lovely holiday x"

 

me: hey. it's cool. yeah i was getting that too. There was physical attraction, but just air between us. It was lovely meeting you though and hope it all works out for ya. Best R.

 

her "yeah it was lovely meeting you too x"

 

So, all good. At least she was honest in the end. She could've told me that a month ago tho aye

 

At least I followed me better judgement and moved on. Another one bites the dust.. but, that's why we date right

 

Not sure she was honest in the end. Sounds like she was debating over you and maybe 1-2 other guys. She didn't want to feel like a jerk, so she sent the text knowing she was set on another guy and freeing her self from guilt (not texting you again).

[eyeam]

Yeah.. I agree. Deep down I knew .. I knew I started another thread about a girl I had a date with (ONS) same thing. "I'll let you know" "I'm busy" etc I stopped asking after a couple of times. I have a rule. If a lady turns me down on a date twice. I never contact them again.

 

Thanks for the advice. People like to lie to themselves, when things are scarce. Here's a question: do you think it's better to wait for a lady to text first after a first date? Then you know fo sho right?

[smackie9]

Nothing wrong with texting after to show you have interest. Women prefer it because they want to know you value them by making the effort to contact them.

 

We has seen posts from women that sit on their tuffet awaiting the guy to do all the asking out and contacting....and they insist on it. If the guys doesn't they are quickly written off.

[smackie9]

The way to know for sure is by their availability to you. They answer your text in a reasonable time, and they want to see you again asap.

 

My husband ask me out again for the following night after our first

, I accepted immediately.

Edited December 19, 2015 by smackie9

[eyeam]

"tuffet" haha

 

yes - cool. Actually my intuition hasn't failed me yet.

[katiegrl]

Yeah..

 

---

 

***It's a shame because I really like her. It's rare for me to meet someone I ACTUALLY like.

 

I always wonder what's really going on when I hear this. She is elusive, unavailable, does not appear to be interested.

 

Is it possible that the reason you like her so much is precisely *because* she is so elusive and unavailable? ... And therefore a bit of a challenge for you?

 

No chance of feeling suffocated and boxed in emotionally when she maintains such elusiveness.

 

And this intrigues you on some level ...albeit subconsciously?

 

How have you felt when women *are* available and DO seem interested? Do YOU then lose interest?

 

Curious.

[eyeam]

yes and no

 

If they're harder to get then ... hmmm yes. A man will usually work harder for something he has to work a little for. It's part of our competive nature.

 

Although.. thinking back on my last two LTRs. They did all the initual chasing, my last a little too much!! i was getting red flags (which i foolishly chose to ignore)

[katiegrl]

 

****If they're harder to get then ... hmmm yes. A man will usually work harder for something he has to work a little for. It's part of our competive nature. ****

 

Although.. thinking back on my last two LTRs. They did all the initual chasing, my last a little too much!! i was getting red flags (which i foolishly chose to ignore)

 

So....how did you feel about those women you were in LTRs with? Were you as intrigued with them (initially) as you appear to be about this woman?

 

Or did you just fall into those relationships because *they* chased you?

 

Your first paragraph is very telling!