Louis56 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. He is a great guy and we get along great. We have some issues here and there but always sort them out amicably. He is very good looking ( I'm not equally as well! ). I always had a feeling that he was a bit of a flirt but ignored it as he was never disrespectful to me. We discussed our past relationships where he told me that he had 3 serious relationships that lasted not more than a year or 2. I had 2 serious as well. Last week we were at a friend's party and a woman came up to my boyfriend and put her arms around his neck and gave him a passionate kiss, right in front of me. He gently pushed her away but she kissed him anyway. Without creating any drama on the party , we both left and went to my house. I asked him to explain what was that ? He admitted that that woman was a short fling. Then he went on to tell me that he had lied to me about the serious relationships. He had actually had only one and that was when he was very young ( he is 47 now ). After that bad experience, he has had ' plenty ' of flings which didn't involve any love but met each other's physical needs. He came out clean but only after that woman in the party. I'm now repulsed by him. Disgusted, to be honest. I held him in high esteem but now feel that hd has been a kind of man hore! He swears up and down that after meeting me , he wants a serious relationship, wants to get old with me , all the nine yards. My question is, should I believe him ? He says to expect a couple more ex flings to come across but soon the word will spread that he is in a serious relationship and they will all back off. Does this even make sense? Will it be sensible to ignore his past which has the possibility to rear its ugly head again ? He does have a bit of wandering eye also.
Lois_Griffin Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 He swears up and down that after meeting me , he wants a serious relationship, wants to get old with me , all the nine yards. LOL. He's probably told every fling the same bullsh*t story. 2
Peachland Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 He says to expect a couple more ex flings to come across but soon the word will spread that he is in a serious relationship and they will all back off. Does this even make sense? Will it be sensible to ignore his past which has the possibility to rear its ugly head again ? He does have a bit of wandering eye also. You should go with your gut here. It's doesn't make sense to me and I personally couldn't ignore it. Do you have any suspicions that he's talking to / seeing other women? What you do you mean by wandering eye? It would be a problem for me but you need to decide what type of behavior you are comfortable with.
mammasita Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 A passionate kiss in front of a crowd not giving a damn who the eff is there to see? THAT is way suspicious to me OR that chick is a crazy ass tire slashing, paint scratching stalker.
Author Louis56 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 LOL. He's probably told every fling the same bullsh*t story. I think so too. He says his ' relationships ' always started with having sex first then if he developed feelings , he would continue otherwise it ended once there needs were met. Since he never developed any strong feelings , they ended up being flings. You should go with your gut here. It's doesn't make sense to me and I personally couldn't ignore it. Do you have any suspicions that he's talking to / seeing other women? What you do you mean by wandering eye? It would be a problem for me but you need to decide what type of behavior you are comfortable with. He flirts with his female friends all the time. Most of them are friends with him for many years. Non of his female friends know each other. He likes to check out every woman that goes past ! I have not said anything about this to him. I'm not a spring chicken and know that men look at women just like women look at women but it's not just one thing, it's now a plenty of pieces coming together. I was ignoring them earlier on but after knowing about his past , I'm questioning these behaviors also. He is 47 and says wasn't looking for a serious relationship till he met me. But now I'm left wondering !
Author Louis56 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 He has 2 teenage daughters whom I have met. They are from his serious relationship where he married and divorced , all within 2 years! His daughters seemed a bit disrespectful towards him which I took as mother turning girls against dad !
mineral27 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 He's full of BS, sorry, you don't deserve any of this!
Versacehottie Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 He has 2 teenage daughters whom I have met. They are from his serious relationship where he married and divorced , all within 2 years! His daughters seemed a bit disrespectful towards him which I took as mother turning girls against dad ! Hmmmm, that in itself is a little suspect. That means, if you go with your explanation of pinning it on the mom, that she has successfully been able to keep both daughters against their dad for approximately 14 years in spite of his good fatherly efforts to do make his own impression on them. I'm hardly an expert on divorce and children of divorce but using my common sense: it doesn't make sense that it is ALL on the mom turning them against him. Teenagers notoriously start rebelling against authority so one would imagine even if her efforts had been successful up to pre-teen years, at some point if he was doing the right things as a dad they would have a change of heart or at very least pit one parent against the other to have best outcome for themselves. In addition, 14 years or so is an awful long time to keep the kids estranged from their dad IF he is making genuine effort--unless she is totally crazy and vindictive and he has no visitation in place, how would she be successful for that length of time?? One very distinct piece of the equation as you pose it seems to be missing: his level of effort toward his kids (spending time with them, making use or and/or ensuring he has visitation with them, making an impact on their lives positively). My guess is the most typical for absent fathers: he has been too immature and selfish to get involved in his kids' lives. I think you may be giving him too much the benefit of the doubt with this situation. A guy who did this would be a red flag to me. And if his life has turned around recently, his first priority would be getting them back in his life not getting a new gf. To me, it points to possibly continued selfishness, failure to engage, commit to family (which at some point if you involve yourself may transfer to failure to commit to you). The kiss from ex-fling was pretty bold of that woman. Just wondering why she would think it was ok? That points to her being totally crazy (bad judgement on his part in past), a certain kind of crowd where I guess you would have to decide if that was a lifestyle that suits you as well, OR the most likely scenario: she knows him better than you and he is a man slut who at least on surface and in near past put hookups above all else. I would definitely vote it was near past otherwise she wouldn't have had courage to do it without knowing his mindset/situation. Near past doesn't mean she is a threat necessarily but the real question is if it was near past, how likely is it that he has really changed??? And what would have been the catalyst for that at 47??? My warning detectors are going off about this guy. I think you should pull back, re-evaluate based on his current effort and more thought. I think your gut instinct will tell you the truth. good luck
Author Louis56 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 We have taken a break which he didn't agree to. I want to reevaluate the entire situation. I admit that I'm in love with my boyfriend and he says he has too. We waited for sex till month 4 as against his first sex then feelings etc! He says this is the first for him. I guess , my view of him has changed from a genuine guy to a player. At my age and being through my share of relationships, I don't want to date a player whose past is still present and may continue in the future. Do men with a past like this , ever change ? Can they be trusted to stay loyal ?
lilmissjava Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 No rear view mirror on this one. Never doubt your instinct. If something does not feel right, it probably isn't.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I would very seriously wonder if this woman is much of past fling, if you get my drift. If you hadn't seen a past fling for several months, would you suddenly try to kiss him passionately at a party in front of a bunch of people? Probably not. 1
thecrucible Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I would be extremely turned off, not least because he lied to you about his past rather than coming clean. It makes you wonder what else might come out. I'm not 47 so I hope I'm not judging too much but I hope that if I live that long, I won't be going about having tonnes of flings. I'm 26 and I've gone off that kind of thing already. This stuff would put me off about a person as I am looking for someone more serious.
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