justinje Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 So, two months ago my ex called it off with me and I instantly went NC. unfriended her on FB, stopped following her on Twitter, didn't text her, didn't social media stalk her (checked her FB page twice in two months which isn't bad). We were long distance and one of the last trips we had pre-planned when the breakup happened was her to come to Thanksgiving with me at my parents this past week. So during the time home my thoughts turned to that more than a few times. In a broader discussion despite my strict NC (which I was proud of) I still thought about her, still had a ton of questions about the relationship. And I was constantly busy, and I knew I was running from feeling the hurt from the breakup. It worked for the most part until I was bored or didn't have something to do then my thoughts would turn. After running around like a crazy person the last two months I was preparing for a more subdued next few weeks where I was bracing myself for some sad thoughts. So to what's happened. In preparing for the next two weeks I decided since I was so good and had that anxiousness still about seeing what she was up to I'd do some very light social media looking. I knew FB I couldn't see anything so I went to her Instagram which was more public. Nothing really that would hurt, until I noticed her last 8 images. They were from the city where I live. Turns out she has been in my city for the last 5 days, I saw pics from places we've been, and at professional sporting events/etc that we had talked about going to together. She already had a ticket so it makes sense. I don't know who all she was with but she mentioned a guy in her one post, I think I recognize the name as one of her friends. But that hurt. She flew the distance to DC and I never got a text, nothing, no I'm in town nothing. So I broke, texted her asking if she had been here this past weekend. No response yet but I'm not sure where to go from here, I think the breakup was a good thing. I don't know if I trust her, but I miss her like crazy still. I'm very torn. I'm preparing myself for a few weeks of being depressed which I don't want. I'm not sure what my next move should be here................... Any advice is appreciated. Or words of encouragement. Thanks guys/girls.
Amelie1980 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 She's been to your city and not contacted you. She hasn't replied to your text. Leave it.
Gretzky99 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I was in a LDR, too. I had the same exact thing happen to me. Ex came back in town (Her family/friends reside where I live), and although it hurt like hell seeing that, it was actually the best thing for me because it gave me a reality check that this was permanently over. I'm not going to lie, it hurt like I was back in week 1 of the breakup, but it really was the best thing for me long-term. I think up until that point, I was always of the belief that when she came back to town (regularly does every 3 months), that was when she would contact me and want to reconcile because nobody is going to reach out and try to reconcile when there not going to see you face to face for an extended period of time. The fact that I found out that she came in town and didn't contact me at all, just broke me. I really was living with false hope You're probably hurting right now, but this is indeed the best thing to happen to you. It will wake you up and that false hope that's still in you will finally go away and only then can you finally start taking steps in healing.
mightycpa Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 So, two months ago my ex called it off with me and I instantly went NC. unfriended her on FB, stopped following her on Twitter, didn't text her, didn't social media stalk her (checked her FB page twice in two months which isn't bad). We were long distance and one of the last trips we had pre-planned when the breakup happened was her to come to Thanksgiving with me at my parents this past week. So during the time home my thoughts turned to that more than a few times. In a broader discussion despite my strict NC (which I was proud of) I still thought about her, still had a ton of questions about the relationship. And I was constantly busy, and I knew I was running from feeling the hurt from the breakup. It worked for the most part until I was bored or didn't have something to do then my thoughts would turn. After running around like a crazy person the last two months I was preparing for a more subdued next few weeks where I was bracing myself for some sad thoughts. So to what's happened. In preparing for the next two weeks I decided since I was so good and had that anxiousness still about seeing what she was up to I'd do some very light social media looking. I knew FB I couldn't see anything so I went to her Instagram which was more public. Nothing really that would hurt, until I noticed her last 8 images. They were from the city where I live. Turns out she has been in my city for the last 5 days, I saw pics from places we've been, and at professional sporting events/etc that we had talked about going to together. She already had a ticket so it makes sense. I don't know who all she was with but she mentioned a guy in her one post, I think I recognize the name as one of her friends. But that hurt. She flew the distance to DC and I never got a text, nothing, no I'm in town nothing. So I broke, texted her asking if she had been here this past weekend.Oh, no! No response yet but I'm not sure where to go from here, I think the breakup was a good thing. I don't know if I trust her, but I miss her like crazy still. I'm very torn. I'm preparing myself for a few weeks of being depressed which I don't want. I'm not sure what my next move should be here................... Any advice is appreciated. Or words of encouragement. Thanks guys/girls.Your next move should be to change her name on your contact list to "Don't Call Me" or to just delete it altogether. I don't think you can delete and block, so there's your choice. Blocking is probably better, just in case she does decide to respond. I think you need to take the hint from her justin-free visit.
Author justinje Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 So she responded, just with a simple "Yep" I agree Gretsky that this may be a good thing, may finally shake me free of any false hope I may be hiding. But I do feel set back, big time. Actually really big time. And we were LDR in different countries so we used an app to chat, I kept the app at her request at the time of breakup but haven't used it since. First time we've talked since we broke up. I'm definitely hurt, it sucks, it's like it's day 1 again. I just wanted her to give me something more, not even a get back together just a, "Yeah went with a few friends, figured it wasn't a good idea if we got together." Instead it seems like she's upset with me, which is crazy cuz she always said how she wanted to end it on good terms and we haven't chatted since! The thought of not being able to catch up in the future, not being able to find out what's going on in her life, just makes me short of breath. That's what's keeping me from deleting the app.................but I should, I know it. Should I send one more goodbye message, "Hey, look I hold no hard feelings about things. I hope you've been well and best of wishes for your future endeavors. All the best....blah blah" just to let her know, hey I cut off the convo when we broke up but I'm not mad and I don't hate you. Such a mistake to look at that stuff today.
marky00 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I hear you man. Its a tough choice sometimes to actually seek out that "nail in the coffin" yourself. Sometimes if your healing is really drawn-out I suppose its something worth doing. As for me (as you alluded to), I would prefer to just leave things hanging a little, that way knowing that one day when i'm ready (months or years down the line), I could reach out then. Been about 2 months NC as well and we had like a 4 hour phone call like 7 months post break-up and I was told I could call her whenever I want (well I never called her back). I read somewhere that people actually remember things that are incomplete more than when something is completed because they are expecting something extra to happen. That 4 hour phone call, there was no finality to it, we just talked about stuff and ended the call with the idea that contact was possible on both ends. Yet as I said... I never called back. Not saying you should do this stuff to possibly get her back..... But, my point is sometimes being brave and leaving things a little open might actually make you remembered more. Sometimes a dumper wants a big bust up with a final ending so they can move on easier to. If you don't offer them that finality, they will find it harder to move on to. As a dumpee it takes real guts to stay silent but at the same time give the impression you left the lines of communication still open. Actually it hurts like hell sometimes but for some people on this site, that is what they want to do. 2
Amelie1980 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I read somewhere that people actually remember things that are incomplete more than when something is completed because they are expecting something extra to happen. That 4 hour phone call, there was no finality to it, we just talked about stuff and ended the call with the idea that contact was possible on both ends. Yet as I said... I never called back. Not saying you should do this stuff to possibly get her back..... But, my point is sometimes being brave and leaving things a little open might actually make you remembered more. As a dumpee it takes real guts to stay silent but at the same time give the impression you left the lines of communication still open. I did this inadvertently. Wonder if it will pay off. 1
Recommended Posts