Fallen_Angel Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Ok, so I joined an online dating site a few weeks ago (recommended to me by a friend). I specifically noted I was only looking for friends and was trying to get over someone, so it's not as though I was innundated w/replies. I started talking to one or two guys via e-mail/AIM and one of them happens to live not far from me. I've been talking to him online for about 3 weeks and he's really sweet. The other day he worked up the courage to ask me on a date and we went out last night. I can't really describe the experience as bad OR good, just mediocre. It wasn't as though I spent the whole night thinking of my ex (though I did have a thought of him from time to time). The food was ok, the conversation was great...but I didn't feel any sort of spark. The guy isn't bad looking, but I didn't think he was all that cute either, which makes me think perhaps I am too shallow. And I let him kiss me at the end of the night because I more or less felt obligated to; I had no desire to do so...and he is an AWFUL kisser. I didn't expect my first date "back" to be anything earth-shattering, believe me. But the whole experience has made me miss my ex a little bit more. At least he knows how to kiss. So what do I do now? We're both online a lot and he said he would call me later today (he has my cell #). Right now I was thinking of not answering my phone. I don't want to be mean, but at the same time I definitely don't want to get his hopes up, because that's not the right thing to do and I certainly wouldn't want a guy to do something like that to me.
Treasa Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 It's funny...when I first started dating my boyfriend, I thought he was an awful kisser. Now I LOVE the way he kisses. I think it was a combination of him being somewhat trainable and me adjusting to him. Part of the problem for you could be that you're still somewhat hung up on your ex.
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Do what I do, don't answer the phone. He'll take the hint. Or, you can answer the phone and tell him politely he seems like a nice guy but not exactly your tyoe. An even better excuse is, I'm not ready to date yet.
loveisallaround Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 I was anxious to hear about your date. I'm sorry that it was medicore at best; but atleast you got to think of a different man for a few hours. That's gotta be worth something. And two thumbs down to awful kissers - like how hard is it to kiss right?
Merin Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 A lot of "After the break up" dates probably suck... UNLESS You're really attracted to the other person, you've had enough to drink and the other person APPEARS more attractive OR you're just sh*tfaced and at that point you're pretty sure you came with another person but not positive.. JK JK JK Sorry your date didn't go so great.. sorry for HIM that he can't kiss LOL Keep on getting out there though... I have a date with a extremely attractive Guy on Monday LOL so guess I won't have to get my drink on to much and I'll let you know if he can kiss! LOL Hang in there girl! *Now I'm thinking of the song by Blink182 "First Date"*
Author Fallen_Angel Posted May 28, 2005 Author Posted May 28, 2005 Oddly enough, Merin, he suggested we stop at a nearby bar! But I suggested we go to Starbucks instead. I looooove my frappuchino, plus by this point I already had this weird, "I don't think I want to be doing this" type feeling in my stomach. I don't think alcohol would have made him look any better to me! I can't wait to hear how things go Monday night...good luck!! Love, you're right. It was nice to at least have a conversation with someone else, even if he did talk a bit much. I couldn't help the occasional thought of my ex floating through my mind, but at least it wasn't a constant. Yes, how hard IS it to kiss? Hehe. I admit I did have to "adjust" to the way my ex kissed, but that was more because I thought he was a mediocre kisser at first and he didn't like to have long, scorching makeout sessions like I did. Once I molded him more to my liking, so to speak, it was pretty hot. But this guy? Nah, I don't think there's any hope when you're lousy coming out the gate!! Oh well. Another notch on my lipstick case, as Pat Benetar would say. I watched TV most of the afternoon and left my cell phone elsewhere, so I missed his call. I figure I won't be able to avoid talking to him online, but if he tries to make plans again I'll have to be honest and tell him I don't want to lead him on. Oh yeah, and my subtle flirting will obviously come to an abrupt halt as well! There are tons of guys out there SOMEWHERE; I'm sure I'll find one who gives me butterflies sooner or later.
loveisallaround Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 There are tons of guys out there SOMEWHERE; I'm sure I'll find one who gives me butterflies sooner or later. You definitely will. And you definitely deserve it. Somebody who will respect/love you enough to NOT DO what your ex did to you.
IrrationalEmotions Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Its probably a bit late for this now, but I'll say it anyway so maybe you girls can spread the word. I think I can speak for most males when I say that the best thing to do if you don't want to go on a second date is just answer the phone and be honest about it. If the guy has been on one date with you, it really isn't a big deal, and its better than the guy wondering for 2 or 3 days whats going on. Just politely tell them the truth, its easy.
Weird Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Wow some you ladies are super shallow...but hey, it amuses me especially since I don't have to deal with that type of attitude. As for what to do about this guy and the phone thing. I have a wonderful idea...tell the guy you arent interested. Be direct with him. I know it is hard for people to actually not act like whimps and tell people the truth but hey, it is the best thing to do. You don't even have to tell the guy your shallow reason of why you arent interested...just tell him you aren't. As for the bad kissing thing...ever think maybe he thinks you are a bad kisser? Probably not since humans (ahem usually women) always think they are perfect at what they do...
Author Fallen_Angel Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Oh ye dating gods, please forgive me... I am the FIRST (first, I tell you!) to admit I am no traffic-stopper myself. And I found my ex to be attractive in an unconventional sort of way - ie. if someone had pointed him out to me in, say, high school or the beginning of college with his longish hair I probably wouldn't have thought he was cute. I can't explain why I wasn't attracted to my date. Perhaps it's just human nature. I don't think this necessarily makes me a bad person. But yes, I do agree I should have been more up front with him. I've been rejected myself enough times to know what it feels like. I avoid confrontation at all costs - that's just who I am. I know telling him the truth isn't confrontational, but it IS awkward. Live and learn, I suppose. And as for your last, somewhat snarky comment...all I can say is that a guy who kisses like a dog licking from a water bowl is not, in my opinion, a good kisser.
alphamale Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel I avoid confrontation at all costs - that's just who I am. I know telling him the truth isn't confrontational, but it IS awkward. Live and learn, I suppose. that is what email was invented for F_A
beejsea2 Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 If he calls again just tell him that you're not interested. I'm just getting back into the dating scene and it took a few bad dates for me to find someone that I clicked with. I feel honesty is the best route!
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