lana-banana Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I'm a weight lifting fanatic but I'm the same weight as the OP and honestly, people our size don't have a lot of calories to spare. I eat well most of the time but I have to keep my portions pretty small no matter what. It is maddening how many men think it's so sexy for a thin woman to polish off an enormous steak or other mound of food. I once got sick of it and told a guy "I can eat steak every day or I can fit into that little black dress that makes your eyes bug out. Not both!" It sounds to me like this guy's behaviors are beyond that, though. He seems to want you to adopt his (incredibly unhealthy) lifestyle. Perhaps he sees your refusal as a judgment on him, which is why he's increasingly insistent about it. It's not like you're turning down dessert every now and then; he is constantly shoving food in your face, which is disrespectful as hell. You are right to be upset. Have a long discussion about all this, including your own concern with his habits. There is no universe in which eating entire cakes and pies on a regular basis is healthy. If the sexes were reversed do you think people would be telling the OP that his girlfriend was perfectly normal for bingeing on this much sugar? Even the dudes I know who bulk for competitions load up on healthy fats, not garbage. No matter how much you work out, his kind of diet will destroy your body at around age 30. Diabetes and tooth rot don't care how many miles you run. 3
StBreton Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 "he will stop asking and just start putting spoons full of ice cream or Nutella in my face" Nutella in your face? I think it would make good body paint:) Seriously, maybe you suggest going for a walk the next time your bf starts with the dessert deluge.
Toodaloo Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) Toodaloo, what a load of rubbish. "your arse would look better if you did squats" means exactly what it means. And if a person is consistently eating exorbitant amounts of junk food every night that is their problem, but pushing it onto someone else really sucks. Perhaps I am crazy but I would go as far to call it abusive. Smiley to be fair her boyfriend hasn't ACTUALLY said those things. Its just what she THINKS he MIGHT say if she puts on weight... Mountains, mole hills all for the sake of someone trying to be kind and generous towards their partner. I also notice OP hasn't come back. Poor girl probably thinks we are all stark raving loonatics... all for a bit of cake! Edited December 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator response to deleted post redacted ~6 1
Els Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I don't think the real issue here is your bf's personal eating habits, nor the fact that he tries to encourage you to go along with it. I mean, it might potentially make the two of you incompatible, but I wouldn't automatically say it's an awful thing if we were just talking about that. Lots of couples have different eating habits and get along fine. But the shoving food in your face thing is pretty disrespectful and out of line, and the stuff he said to you about your arse? Oof. I'd have a hard time justifying that. You have to decide whether you're okay with those behaviours or not (I'd recommend 'not'). 1
Els Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Smiley to be fair her boyfriend hasn't ACTUALLY said those things. Its just what she THINKS he MIGHT say if she puts on weight... I think he did say it, according to the OP. I'll repost her sentence with some highlighting: " I also get the feeling that he will just tell me to work out more, as he has said things like "if you did squats, you would have an even better butt.""
guest569 Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) Smiley to be fair her boyfriend hasn't ACTUALLY said those things. Its just what she THINKS he MIGHT say if she puts on weight... Mountains, mole hills all for the sake of someone trying to be kind and generous towards their partner. I also notice OP hasn't come back. Poor girl probably thinks we are all stark raving loonatics... all for a bit of cake! He has said those things. He won't take no for an answer and is forcing her to do something after she had clearly declined. It really doesn't sit right with me. There is a difference between being kind by offering some food, and ignoring the person's wishes and constantly offering more food and force feeding someone either physically or by manipulation. Edited December 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator redacted responses to deleted posts ~6 1
kismetkismet Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 It sounds like he may have some issues/insecurities around his eating habits and body, so tread lightly, BUT you need to talk to him about it. It could really honestly just be that he's not really thinking about how your bodies are different. My boyfriend is a bit like this as well, I'm quite small and fit, but I have to watch what i eat and work out a lot to stay that way. He on the other hand is really naturally thin and has a physical job and is into sports, so he is super fit and toned just as a result of his lifestyle and activities. He just assumes that I'm like him because we're both little and toned so he tries to get me to eat all sorts of junk with him all the time. You need to just explain to him that your bodies work differently and that he can eat whatever he wants, but that you don't want to eat that way.. Whenever my boyfriend tries to make me eat a ton of junk with him I just joke about the fact that if he wants me to keep looking the way I do then he should put the box of cookies away. I also explain more seriously that it affects how i feel and my energy levels and that sort of thing. I'm smaller, female, and I work a desk job so I can't consume the same amount of calories as he does.. it's just science haha.
GravityMan Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I don't think your boyfriend means any real harm. I think he's simply a dense idiot. I think he has poor courtesy and lacks social awareness and basic manners. Possibly some insecurity also. I think he doesn't realize the importance of respecting boundaries, even in a long term relationship. Ultimately...I get the feeling that he didn't have a very good upbringing, and he doesn't have much experience with women. I hope this guy is young (18-24 years old) and I hope this is his first relationship... 5
preraph Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 He does sound a bit pushy. I'd just tell him "You know, I'm really not that into sweets, but don't let me slow you down."
hotpotato Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I have to constantly remind my bf that ill get fat if i eat like him. He eats all day. Just to echo others, he will eat a meal or junk food late at night. He eats whenever,but hes an active male who can burn it off. I see maybe thats something common with active males-they forget we cant eat like them!!! Maybe your bf thinks your no is really a yes or maybe. Part of me thinks bf is trying to help your booty grow.
preraph Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I'm thinking she's not saying "no" in any convincing way or he wouldn't be acting like her grandmother and trying to fatten her up relentlessly. She needs to stop being polite and lay it out and if he can't take "no" on something this trivial, well, then I'd say this will be the least of her problems with him in the future. 1
loverboy69 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 In reality he sounds like a normal guy to me who happens to eat a lot. He's being generous but in ways that you are not comfortable with. Think of something you've done in the past. Let's say it's something you put a ton of effort into. Instead of getting thanks you are given criticism. It doesn't matter who you are it doesn't feel good. He's not being an ass. I think too many people like to jump to conclusions and make broad statements about a person whom we don't even know. I'm sure he's a nice guy and doesn't deserve the Salem Witch Trial treatment. OP: You just need to communicate to him what makes you happy. Sure he might get his feelings hurt a little bit so you need to be ready for that. Be open to the possibility that he may not be into a girl who doesn't have much of an appetite too. It works both ways. If his eating habits become a deal breaker then you as an adult know what you need to do.
Els Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 In reality he sounds like a normal guy to me who happens to eat a lot. He's being generous but in ways that you are not comfortable with. Think of something you've done in the past. Let's say it's something you put a ton of effort into. Instead of getting thanks you are given criticism. It doesn't matter who you are it doesn't feel good. He's not being an ass. I think too many people like to jump to conclusions and make broad statements about a person whom we don't even know. I'm sure he's a nice guy and doesn't deserve the Salem Witch Trial treatment. Are you just not reading the opening post or are you deliberately skipping over the part where she claims he literally pushes food at her mouth and makes deprecating comments about her ass? It's the exact embodiment of the push-pull that society places on women - you should eat whatever people want you to eat otherwise you're a killjoy and a prude, but you'd darn well better maintain a perfect body while doing it. It's ridiculous, and the fact that he's her partner and being so blatant about it makes it worse. This isn't JUST about a guy who likes to eat and likes to buy/cook food for her. That's totally fine in my books, even if such a guy might be incompatible with some people (and that's fine too, their prerogative). This is about the actions mentioned above. 1
frus69 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Maybe he wants you to be fatter /less desirable so other men won't be interested in you. Or maybe he knows it's bad to eat all that much sugar and wants you to it with him to ease his guilt.
SwordofFlame Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I'm also a gym rat that eats a ton of food. I often finish my date's plate too. I would never expect my date to eat as much as me. Or be able to drink as much as me too, but that's a different story. 1
Zippy2000 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 He is classed as one of those people called "Feeders". They feed their girlfriends to a certain size and get off on it.
joseb Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 He is classed as one of those people called "Feeders". They feed their girlfriends to a certain size and get off on it. I was thinking this too, but dont they usually pick.people already overweight and over eaters?
hotpotato Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 He is classed as one of those people called "Feeders". They feed their girlfriends to a certain size and get off on it. I was thinking something like this. Maybe he has a grower fetish, as in likes to see chics get bigger. It's more common than you think! lol There are guys who enjoy seeing women gain fat and/or muscle. My guy just about shoves food down my throat. He admits he wants my legs, booty, and boobs to expand. I recently lost weight, but he loves thick legs and booties. I'm guessing her guy is similar
hotpotato Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Her bf may think the junk food will help her build those glutes.
Toodaloo Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) Fetishes. Dumping someone who is in all other respects a sweet caring guy... Yep WE NEED THAT FACE PALM SMILEY... Edited December 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator redacted response to deleted posts ~6
hotpotato Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 i hope we haven't scared the poor girl away. I hope she didn't dump the bf either.
GunslingerRoland Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 There is no mixed message, you are too thin for him. He's telling you to eat more and exercise more to get bigger. You don't need to feel obliged too, but he's being very clear about what he wants.
hotpotato Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 This has NOTHING to do with love. This guy is an ass. Trying to shove food down your throat while telling you, "if you did squats, you would have an even better butt." I repeat. This guy is an ass. Who the hell devours a whole CAKE in one sitting? Talk about an eating disorder. He'd get ONE more warning to knock it the hell off. I don't really like cake, but I've probably eaten an entire pie by myself. Plenty of guys bulk on high fat, high sugar foods... There is no mixed message, you are too thin for him. He's telling you to eat more and exercise more to get bigger. You don't need to feel obliged too, but he's being very clear about what he wants. I'm sure he loves her, but I'm running out of other explanations! I've never heard of someone actually shoving food into someone else's mouth. I'm sure he adores her, he just wants her booty to grow!
Els Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 FTR, I don't think the OP needs to dump this dude right away. However if his actions (shoving food at her mouth and making disparaging comments about her body) are pissing her off - and I would get pissed off too - she has every right to tell him to stop them and be listened to. Telling her to make herself okay with it because the dude is 'just' (insert excuse here) isn't going to help anyone and sweeping things under the carpet is just going to backfire later on. Far better to be open about her dislikes and communicate with him about it. IF she communicates this and he still continues doing what he's doing, then it might be dump-worthy. 3
loverboy69 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Are you just not reading the opening post or are you deliberately skipping over the part where she claims he literally pushes food at her mouth and makes deprecating comments about her ass? It's the exact embodiment of the push-pull that society places on women - you should eat whatever people want you to eat otherwise you're a killjoy and a prude, but you'd darn well better maintain a perfect body while doing it. It's ridiculous, and the fact that he's her partner and being so blatant about it makes it worse. This isn't JUST about a guy who likes to eat and likes to buy/cook food for her. That's totally fine in my books, even if such a guy might be incompatible with some people (and that's fine too, their prerogative). This is about the actions mentioned above. Sorry I haven't heard his side of the story here. I hate to jump to conclusions and crucify this guy. Recommendations so far include but are not limited to dumping this guy and accusing him of eating disorders. Sounds like he has an annoying side of his personality that is a red flag for her. As an adult she can make the choice to walk if it's a deal breaker in my opinion. Only she can make that decision.
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