misty1114 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been seeing a (23 yo) guy from a dating app for about 8 weeks. We've been on 8 dates together (1/week). He's always a gentleman when we're together (ie. pays for me, offers to pick me up) and he's been taking things pretty slow in terms of physical contacts. We've only held hand once. On our third date, he asked if he could kiss me so we kissed. It wasn't that great since I was nervous. Since then, he's only given me goodnight pecks on the cheek or lips. I've noticed that in between dates he rarely texts me. Sometimes he'd go for 3-4 days without communicating and he only texts to make plans. I've tried initiating conversations and even invited him out. He always agrees to go out with me when I ask, but he fails to carry conversations over texts. The thing is he seems to text his friends pretty regularly so it's not like he's a bad texter. I can't tell if he's into me or not. Part of me thinks he's just dating me just to have someone to go out with, or he might be seeing another girl too, since he makes me feel so insecure when we're not together. He also hasn't introduced me to his friends. Am I overthinking all of this? Is it too early to have a talk with him just to see if he wants to date me?
Musician1985 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Doesn't seem like he's that into you. Why not try dating another person? Or take a break from him. 8 dates seems like enough to get a gauge on things. If you're not exclusive (sounds like one night of kissing doesn't make you so), maybe somebody else would make you happy.
Matchmaker Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 If he keeps going out with you when you ask then he is interested. Why would he waste his time? Sounds like he isn't comfortable being the aggressor. Tell him what you want and force the action. That's your only option.
SwordofFlame Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 The fact that he asked to kiss you makes it seems like he's bad at reading you and maybe women in general. How is your own body language? Do you flirt? Are you physically affectionate on the dates? Have you had any dates back at his or your place? Creating intimacy might be hard if you're only going on dates in public. Do you trust him? I highly doubt he's taking you out just to have someone to go out with. He may not like texting because he would prefer to have conversations in person. I'm not a big texter in between dates too. I'm guessing he's an introvert and so are you? He hasn't introduced you to his friends because you're not his girlfriend. That seems reasonable.
Author misty1114 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 No he hasn't invited me back to his place yet. To be honest, I've had very little experience with dating so while we're on date, I'm generally good at carrying conversations but I don't really flirt much or try to initiate physical contact. I've suggested that we text more often and he agreed to try to text me more. However, things are still pretty much the same way; I know I shouldn't expect to change him. All of our dates have been in public so far and I've initiated about half of them. Do you think I should ask him how he feels about me or where things are headed? I don't know if that'd come across as needy or not.
SwordofFlame Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 No he hasn't invited me back to his place yet. To be honest, I've had very little experience with dating so while we're on date, I'm generally good at carrying conversations but I don't really flirt much or try to initiate physical contact. I've suggested that we text more often and he agreed to try to text me more. However, things are still pretty much the same way; I know I shouldn't expect to change him. All of our dates have been in public so far and I've initiated about half of them. Do you think I should ask him how he feels about me or where things are headed? I don't know if that'd come across as needy or not. I think you can ask him anything without worry because it seems like both of you are clueless about dating. That's probably the reason why things haven't escalated.
Author misty1114 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 Well, he told me his last relationship was about 2 years ago and he hasn't been looking because he's busy with school. He just joined the dating app recently.
kassy Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 You need to talk to him, he either isn't that interested or needs a neon flashing green light to escalate things. If you talk to him you'll find out the answer and can either move the relationship forward or both move on. Win win situation from my point of view 1
SwordofFlame Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 You need to talk to him, he either isn't that interested or needs a neon flashing green light to escalate things. If you talk to him you'll find out the answer and can either move the relationship forward or both move on. Win win situation from my point of view I agree. I think he likes you but hasn't escalated because you don't make it obvious that you're very physically attracted to him.
Author misty1114 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 Thank you for your comments. Is it possible for someone to not like me that much yet want to go on casual date just to have fun? That seems to be the vibe I got from this guy. The only weird thing is I've met guys who also want to casual date but they also wanted sex as well. This guy hasn't demanded that or even tried to.
regine_phalange Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 it's very easy to start feeling insecure, but let's stop a little and think more rationally. do YOU have fun when you go out with him? do YOU feel great in his company? do YOU feel like kissing him first? 1
regine_phalange Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Oh, and I think he's just being respectful. I appreciate it when someone doesn't try to grab my crotch at date two. Maybe he's waiting for you to come to him.
Author misty1114 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 Yes we always have a great time when we're together. One of the reasons why I'm feeling insecure is the lack of communication between dates. He almost never texts me to make small talk and when I do text him first, he takes a while to respond. He just came back from his vacation and the last time I heard from him was a week ago. I was thinking of texting him and asking about his trip. If he asks me out this weekend, I plan on having a conversation with him and asking if he sees me as a friend or someone he potentially wants to be his girlfriend. What do you think?
regine_phalange Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Yes we always have a great time when we're together. One of the reasons why I'm feeling insecure is the lack of communication between dates. He almost never texts me to make small talk and when I do text him first, he takes a while to respond. He just came back from his vacation and the last time I heard from him was a week ago. I was thinking of texting him and asking about his trip. If he asks me out this weekend, I plan on having a conversation with him and asking if he sees me as a friend or someone he potentially wants to be his girlfriend. What do you think? hm, yeah, that's not a great sign, i'd receive his interest as lukewarm. in my own experience when someone is interested he kind of tries to carry on the conversation, and he certainly initiates and gives attention every day. i personally wouldn't ask because i usually take actions more into account than words (he may sugar coat things to avoid hurting you). but if you're the type to talk things out go ahead, by all means.
Redhead14 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been seeing a (23 yo) guy from a dating app for about 8 weeks. We've been on 8 dates together (1/week). He's always a gentleman when we're together (ie. pays for me, offers to pick me up) and he's been taking things pretty slow in terms of physical contacts. We've only held hand once. On our third date, he asked if he could kiss me so we kissed. It wasn't that great since I was nervous. Since then, he's only given me goodnight pecks on the cheek or lips. I've noticed that in between dates he rarely texts me. Sometimes he'd go for 3-4 days without communicating and he only texts to make plans. I've tried initiating conversations and even invited him out. He always agrees to go out with me when I ask, but he fails to carry conversations over texts. The thing is he seems to text his friends pretty regularly so it's not like he's a bad texter. I can't tell if he's into me or not. Part of me thinks he's just dating me just to have someone to go out with, or he might be seeing another girl too, since he makes me feel so insecure when we're not together. He also hasn't introduced me to his friends. Am I overthinking all of this? Is it too early to have a talk with him just to see if he wants to date me? He doesn't seem to have high interest. Just talk to him. Simply say that you've enjoyed the time you two have spent together so far and explain that your dating goal for yourself is to find a long-term relationship for yourself and find out what he's looking for. If he says "casual", you may want to bail because you two aren't on the same page in terms of dating goals for yourselves.
bobsmith76 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been seeing a (23 yo) guy from a dating app for about 8 weeks. We've been on 8 dates together (1/week). He's always a gentleman when we're together (ie. pays for me, offers to pick me up) and he's been taking things pretty slow in terms of physical contacts. We've only held hand once. On our third date, he asked if he could kiss me so we kissed. It wasn't that great since I was nervous. Since then, he's only given me goodnight pecks on the cheek or lips. I've noticed that in between dates he rarely texts me. Sometimes he'd go for 3-4 days without communicating and he only texts to make plans. I've tried initiating conversations and even invited him out. He always agrees to go out with me when I ask, but he fails to carry conversations over texts. The thing is he seems to text his friends pretty regularly so it's not like he's a bad texter. I can't tell if he's into me or not. Part of me thinks he's just dating me just to have someone to go out with, or he might be seeing another girl too, since he makes me feel so insecure when we're not together. He also hasn't introduced me to his friends. Am I overthinking all of this? Is it too early to have a talk with him just to see if he wants to date me? I would say that it's not true love. Maybe you could try breaking up with him just as a test. If he really fights to win you back then you could accept him, if he doesn't then that would be good evidence that he doesn't love you.
Musician1985 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I would say that it's not true love. Maybe you could try breaking up with him just as a test. If he really fights to win you back then you could accept him, if he doesn't then that would be good evidence that he doesn't love you. That's too much of a gamble - as a test. If she really feels the need to leave, she should, and then just see what happens. 1
Author misty1114 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 Thank you all again for your feedback. I think after hearing from you, I've decided to stop reaching out to this guy. I went back to our texting history and I think I've initiated the majority of the conversations. He just came back from his vacation and if he wants to see me again, he'll reach out. Then, if the opportunity arises, I'll have a talk with him. For now, I don't want to reach out anymore. I'm pretty much going to mentally prepare myself to let this one go. I do like him and I see myself falling for him. The thing is I don't feel like it's reciprocated and it sucks. The only way for me to know is to stop reaching out and see if he comes around. 2
dispatch3d Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 Yes we always have a great time when we're together. One of the reasons why I'm feeling insecure is the lack of communication between dates. He almost never texts me to make small talk and when I do text him first, he takes a while to respond. He just came back from his vacation and the last time I heard from him was a week ago. I was thinking of texting him and asking about his trip. If he asks me out this weekend, I plan on having a conversation with him and asking if he sees me as a friend or someone he potentially wants to be his girlfriend. What do you think? Yeah do that. Hard to discern his interest level from your posts. Guys rarely just go out with girls to say they're doing that though, usually they pay for the dates and are the ones grumbling about girls using them. He doesnt know you that well I'm not that surprised he doesnt text a ton between dates....
Author misty1114 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 I just wanted to update you all on my last date with this guy. It had been 2.5 weeks since we last saw each other prior to the date. The date went well. I never really brought up the talk or tried to ask him how he feels. I just went with the flow. We went to dinner at a nice restaurant and then headed to a bar for a couple of drinks. We started talking about dating in general and what his impression of me was. He said he really likes how nice and driven I am, that we have similar values and we both work hard towards our career goals. He said that he had dated 2 girls in undergrad, around 1 year relationship with each one. He talked about introducing me to his friends and spending more time with me during our Christmas break. At the end of the date, he dropped me off and gave me chocolate to help me get through my finals week. He then gave me a full kiss this time. I think it's reasonable to say he'd potentially want a relationship with me but maybe is just inexperienced as some of you have inferred? He still rarely texts me and I don't know how to change that.
angel.eyes Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I think you can ask him anything without worry because it seems like both of you are clueless about dating. That's probably the reason why things haven't escalated. I agree. You both seem fairly inexperienced at dating. He's planning dates, asking you out, and paying for dates. No guy continues to do this week after week after week just to have something to do. He likes you...and likes you enough to be worried about offending you and ruining things by moving too quickly. That's why he asked if he might kiss you. He's unsure about how you feel about him. Throw the guy a few signals that you're interested. By your own admission you don't flirt or give him any signals. Look in his eyes and smile whenever he speaks. Banter playfully with him. Play around with his hand as you talk. Touch his forearm casually as you make a point. Walk close to him. There are countless ways to flirt and/or let him know that you're open to a kiss. The chocolates during finals was a thoughtful gesture...and a golden opportunity to flirt by sharing one with him, or just kissing him as thanks. As for texting? Maybe he's not a texter. Try other communication modes. Or better yet, have a conversation with him the next time you see him in person about communicating between dates.
Truth34 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 No one has brought up the fact that online dating coaches often tell the guys not to txt like friends, that it's only for setting dates. And on the dates is where conversations are had. Just food for thought. It's not always lukewarm, he may just be trying to be a true gentleman and take his time.
Gaeta Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I am sorry but I don't think this man is interested in you and he's just stringing you along in case it ends in bed. He is not new to dating he knows how that works and he's not providing anything more than the basic to keep you on the hook and nothing more. You're not the only girl he's seeing and you're not on top of his list of calls. 8 weeks dating and 1 date a week that's weak. No communication between dates 9 times out of 10 it means the man is not interested enough and you've been assigned to the back burner. I don't know how many threads we've had on here lately exactly about men not communicating between dates and all of them had sad endings.
Gaeta Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 No one has brought up the fact that online dating coaches often tell the guys not to txt like friends, that it's only for setting dates. And on the dates is where conversations are had. Just food for thought. It's not always lukewarm, he may just be trying to be a true gentleman and take his time. That's good for the first 3 dates. Not for 2 ongoing months. It's ridiculous.
oberkeat Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone, I've been seeing a (23 yo) guy from a dating app for about 8 weeks. We've been on 8 dates together (1/week). He's always a gentleman when we're together (ie. pays for me, offers to pick me up) and he's been taking things pretty slow in terms of physical contacts. We've only held hand once. On our third date, he asked if he could kiss me so we kissed. It wasn't that great since I was nervous. Since then, he's only given me goodnight pecks on the cheek or lips. I've noticed that in between dates he rarely texts me. Sometimes he'd go for 3-4 days without communicating and he only texts to make plans. I've tried initiating conversations and even invited him out. He always agrees to go out with me when I ask, but he fails to carry conversations over texts. The thing is he seems to text his friends pretty regularly so it's not like he's a bad texter. I can't tell if he's into me or not. Part of me thinks he's just dating me just to have someone to go out with, or he might be seeing another girl too, since he makes me feel so insecure when we're not together. He also hasn't introduced me to his friends. Am I overthinking all of this? Is it too early to have a talk with him just to see if he wants to date me? He sounds like a beta male. Asking permission to kiss, giving a peck on the cheek, LOL, get that weak stuff out of here! He likes you, but he thinks being careful and gentle with you is the way to make you like him. He is so beta and risk averse, he's actually making you think he isn't that interested. I'd find myself a real man if I were you. Edited December 13, 2015 by oberkeat
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