Too_low Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 My gf of ten years dumped me over the phone five weeks ago. There was no warning of anything wrong. We have been very much in love and she has said I was the love of her life. The only thing that’s been a problem is her hectic work schedule and her inability to devote enough time to me. We do not live together btw. When she dumped me, she said she we could continue seeing each other but she "didn’t see it going to the next level." And that it wasn't fair for each of us. I asked if she was seeing someone and she adamantly denied it. I've never smothered her and always allowed her to have her space. She said no one has ever done more for her than me and I've always given her confidence in herself with my love. Unfortunately, she decided to do this without talking about it or trying to work it out. You would think that a ten year relationship would justify at least an effort to keep things together. I’m 47 and she's 43. When we exchanged emails two days after breakup, she said that because of pressures from work and her daily life, that trying to find time for work and relationships with me, her daughter and everything else is a struggle and she needs to get her life on some kind of track. She just feels tired at the end of the day and wants to sleep. She is very busy. I know this for a fact, and I feel that she has let her work take over her life and pushed me out of her heart. At the end of her email, she said that "We need to talk at some point, but I don’t want us waiting by the phone, or making promises we can’t keep." She closed by saying "I'll talk to you later." Well now to my point. After 5 weeks, the NC thing is not making me feel better, I’m not healing and she hasn't contacted me. For one, dumping me on the phone after ten years hurt like hell. I’ve been dumped a couple times before, but not like this. I never even got a chance to give her a kiss or a hug goodbye, plus I need to know why. I really need to know why something wasn't worth working out. The work thing is about 99% believable but there’s a piece of the puzzle missing. Maybe the real reason will hurt more, but I need to see her face-to-face and put closure on this. It just doesn't make sense. I can’t just sit by and watch her leave and do nothing. If I don’t do something, I feel I may regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t plan on being a wuss when I talk to her, I just want to talk and try to get a reason and see if there’s any chance or find out what aspect in her life I am not fullfilling. Aren’t some things worth fighting for or will I ruin all hope of us getting back together. At this point I feel I have nothing to lose. At the end of the day, I can say at least I tried.
Author Too_low Posted May 28, 2005 Author Posted May 28, 2005 Well, I received no advice, so I called her today. She either wasn't there or did not want to talk, so I left a message. Just told her I wanted to talk and if was too early, just let me know. Didn't say anything sappy.
misspenny Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Do you think she broke up with you for lack of commitmment u did say u were together for 10 years, she is 43 so she has been with you all thru her 30's maybe she wants the security of being married???? 10 years is a LONG time to date..maybe she felt that you didn't truely love her and had to move on with her life...
Author Too_low Posted May 29, 2005 Author Posted May 29, 2005 Good point penny, but actually it was the other way around. In any case we met and had a long heart to heart talk. Basically the problem was a bad case of not communicating well. She recently bought this house and got a new job. As the work and house took all of her attention, I started to withdraw and as I withdrew she started falling out of love and we both were becoming unhappy but never communicated our feelings strong enough. My withdraw was more like a depression and that turned her off. As she fell out of love, I guess I became more depressed as the months went by. It really just spiraled downward. I guess I can't emphasis enough how important communication is in a relationship. If a problem arises it must be dealt with then and now! Don't wait for things to simmer for weeks or months and then explode. As far as the NC, I'm glad I waited before contacting her. I think if I pushed too early, I would surely have lost her. She actually said she was going to call this weekend too because she was unhappy and feeling guilty. We are going to start over and just start out as friends because she needs time to basically fall in love with me again. This will be hard work for both of us, and I do not know how things will turn out, but we are going to try. I don't think too many women out there would do this, so I am very thankful for getting a second chance. Only time will tell.
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