nick.lopp Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 The last 3 dates on, I thought have went great! Laughing talking it seemed to go well. Yes, there were a few awkward silence moments but that happens! One of the girls I kissed the other 2 were hugs. No sexual contact. I was trying to be respectful. i'm looking for a relationshp not sex Anyway each girls has told me "it was fun, i had a goo time but i felt no chemistry" what the hell does that mean? should i have been more agressive? I mean they were laughing, smiling , said they had a good time so what is the "i didn't feel any chemistry" meaning if i had tried to make out with them does that mean there would have been chemistry?
loveweary11 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 It means they didn't find you attractive enough to have a sexual thing with. Attractiveness, as defined by women includes the personality and overall interaction as well, but often "no chemistry" means you need to improve your appearance in some manner. Forcing the physical won't help either. You need to build chemistry so *she* wants to make out during the date. The last 3 dates on, I thought have went great! Laughing talking it seemed to go well. Yes, there were a few awkward silence moments but that happens! One of the girls I kissed the other 2 were hugs. No sexual contact. I was trying to be respectful. i'm looking for a relationshp not sex Anyway each girls has told me "it was fun, i had a goo time but i felt no chemistry" what the hell does that mean? should i have been more agressive? I mean they were laughing, smiling , said they had a good time so what is the "i didn't feel any chemistry" meaning if i had tried to make out with them does that mean there would have been chemistry? 2
Myragal Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 I have no desire to make out on a first date...chemistry or not. Chemistry is there or it isn't. I'm sure you can have fun with many females, but it doesn't mean you want a relationship. You can also be enjoy time with guy friends or a pet. Anyways. There is no single answer. Why do you find one woman desirable and not another? Are you attracted to every female in a mall? All you can do is work on yourself...get fit, dress sharply, act confident, etc. No magic answer unless there is some variable turning them off and we have no way of knowing this.
xcupid Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 It means they didn't see themselves having sex with you. There's nothing you can do about that. 3
katiegrl Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 The last 3 dates on, I thought have went great! Laughing talking it seemed to go well. Yes, there were a few awkward silence moments but that happens! One of the girls I kissed the other 2 were hugs. No sexual contact. I was trying to be respectful. i'm looking for a relationshp not sex Anyway each girls has told me "it was fun, i had a goo time but i felt no chemistry" what the hell does that mean? should i have been more agressive? I mean they were laughing, smiling , said they had a good time so what is the "i didn't feel any chemistry" meaning if i had tried to make out with them does that mean there would have been chemistry? Chemistry is that special *spark* you feel that tells you this person is *special*. You just click, and it's more than just having fun, talking, laughing, although those things are present too when they're is chemistry. Although with my boyfriend, we had such strong chemistry when we met ....., we were so nervous, at first we had difficulty talking...all we wanted to do was touch each other! When there is chemistry, you have a *desire* for them, including sexual desire, it's what differentiates a friendship from a romantic connection. I mean, you laugh and have good times with your friends too, right? My guess is these woman liked you fine, may have even found you physically attractive, but on a deeper level, just did not feel that *special* spark. Not sure if this will make sense, if you have never felt that yourself. 1
insert_name Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 I posted on another thread that 'spark' and 'chemistry' seems to be something that 20 year old women look for. Certainly I have seen a number of posts by older women (40s) on another forum advising a younger one (20s) that she is going wrong by looking for instant 'spark' with guys and that is what is leading to short term, very intense relationships where the guy eventually turned out to be a douche. In their experience their successful long term relationships were slow burners where in some cases there wasn't even any initial attraction. They got to know the person and fell in love. This tends to be my experience too, so for me, I can't help but laugh when I go on a date that seems to have gone very well only to get the line about 'spark' and see the girl still on the same dating site with an active profile over a year later. Thats the trouble with OLD though, there is no room for slow burning attraction due to the nature of the format. There is also usually zero margin for error, for guys anyway. 5
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 It means they got a free meal out of you. 2
KatZee Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Means they didn't see you in a sexual/relationship sort of way. A woman have laugh, have fun with, have good conversation with a man and not feel any relationship chemistry. Do you have any platonic female friends? That's what "no chemistry" looks like. 1
Author nick.lopp Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 so even after 1 meeting they can tell it wont work right away?
KatZee Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 so even after 1 meeting they can tell it wont work right away? A woman knows within the first 30 seconds of meeting a man if she'd be sexual with him. Let alone one full evening. 1
Glitters Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 A woman who sees herself having sex with a guy , gives out so many unintentional vibes , which even if she wanted to hide , she don't be able to ! She might resist the urge , control her desires etc but you can feel the electricity coming from her. The way she looks at you is the first give away ! And that is something she can't change because it's coming from inside , the moment she sees you 1
TheBathWater Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 I posted on another thread that 'spark' and 'chemistry' seems to be something that 20 year old women look for. Certainly I have seen a number of posts by older women (40s) on another forum advising a younger one (20s) that she is going wrong by looking for instant 'spark' with guys and that is what is leading to short term, very intense relationships where the guy eventually turned out to be a douche. In their experience their successful long term relationships were slow burners where in some cases there wasn't even any initial attraction. They got to know the person and fell in love. This tends to be my experience too, so for me, I can't help but laugh when I go on a date that seems to have gone very well only to get the line about 'spark' and see the girl still on the same dating site with an active profile over a year later. Thats the trouble with OLD though, there is no room for slow burning attraction due to the nature of the format. There is also usually zero margin for error, for guys anyway. This 100%.
loveweary11 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 so even after 1 meeting they can tell it wont work right away? That's correct. Everything is determined by the initial contact to set up the date, then followed by the date itself. You literally have to blow her mind with a cool atmosphere, good conversation and by building a genuine connection based on things you have in common. On top of all of that, you nedd to look hot/stylish for her. It's not easy at all to get these ducks in a row, but with practice, it will become easier. Don't be discouraged. Just keep at it until you figure it ot. Looking hot/attractive/stylish goes a long way toward ensuring any small dating mistakes are overlooked. Start there, because you're obviously good with conversation and fun already. 1
casey.lives Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 be more goofy... tap into your boyish charms!!!! .....OR act fatherly!! Family is what we all desire!
oberkeat Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) I posted on another thread that 'spark' and 'chemistry' seems to be something that 20 year old women look for. Certainly I have seen a number of posts by older women (40s) on another forum advising a younger one (20s) that she is going wrong by looking for instant 'spark' with guys and that is what is leading to short term, very intense relationships where the guy eventually turned out to be a douche. In their experience their successful long term relationships were slow burners where in some cases there wasn't even any initial attraction. They got to know the person and fell in love. This tends to be my experience too, so for me, I can't help but laugh when I go on a date that seems to have gone very well only to get the line about 'spark' and see the girl still on the same dating site with an active profile over a year later. Thats the trouble with OLD though, there is no room for slow burning attraction due to the nature of the format. There is also usually zero margin for error, for guys anyway. Searching for that elusive spark is what turns women into serial daters. These women stay in permanent dating mode, either due to an instant gratification mindset, or the idea that there are always better options, no matter how good the guy in front of her is. I've experienced the same thing, where a girl and I go out on what I interpreted as a successful first date, only to have her ghost, or flake. I have also seen these same women on these dating sites months, even years after I was done with them, still actively dating. What's interesting is that a couple of them came back to me after this behavior, saying they were too hasty and wanting a second chance. It's nuts what some women are doing out there. Edited November 30, 2015 by oberkeat 3
Myragal Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) That's correct. Everything is determined by the initial contact to set up the date, then followed by the date itself. You literally have to blow her mind with a cool atmosphere, good conversation and by building a genuine connection based on things you have in common. On top of all of that, you nedd to look hot/stylish for her. It's not easy at all to get these ducks in a row, but with practice, it will become easier. Don't be discouraged. Just keep at it until you figure it ot. Looking hot/attractive/stylish goes a long way toward ensuring any small dating mistakes are overlooked. Start there, because you're obviously good with conversation and fun already. True. One needs to realize that I am not looking for 'a' guy. I'm not looking for a passing grade. I'm looking for the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. This isn't a low bar to jump over. I expect the full package as to I want in an ideal man. Showing up well groomed isn't enough. Holding the door open will not be a enough. Being respectful will not be enough. Being fun will not be enough. Again, I'm looking for the guy of my dreams. My dream guy will differ from the next woman's ideal ma. . This will be the man I go to sleep with at night and wake up with in the morning. I am going to find him really, really, really special. I will be giving my complete heart and soul to him. It's not about giving some guy a chance or hoping the chemistry will click in one day. It's not an exercise in affirmative action or equal opportunity. It's either he is 'the one' or I will keep searching for the one. Edited November 30, 2015 by Myragal 1
aprilisi Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I've wondered what this elusive spark is myself. As a woman in her late 30s I believe it doesn't always have to be instant. The thing of fairy tales and love songs. Sure, it sounds great. But I'm more realistic than that. So many men have told me this. The ones who don't ghost anyway. It annoys me, especially when I see promise. But I appreciate their honesty. Of course most of the men who do this later try to hook up.
insert_name Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I've wondered what this elusive spark is myself. As a woman in her late 30s I believe it doesn't always have to be instant. The thing of fairy tales and love songs. Sure, it sounds great. But I'm more realistic than that. So many men have told me this. The ones who don't ghost anyway. It annoys me, especially when I see promise. But I appreciate their honesty. Of course most of the men who do this later try to hook up. Exactly- realistic is the right word, I think its only those of us in our mid 30s who get that. True 'spark' (if I ujderstand it correctly) is ultra rare, I have had it with 2 people in 35 years and both were not instantaneous and built up over a number of times in the company of that person. Does that mean I should only have dated 2 people in my entire life? I have to be realistic and accept that if I do eventually settle down its not going to be with someone that there is a spark with. But thats fine, as long as I am attracted to them, they make me laugh and I feel comfortable and relaxed in their company then thats fine for me. I wonder how many people honestly end up committing to people who they felt a spark with, I can't imagine something so particular is prevalent and that most people are finding it. 1
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 A woman knows within the first 30 seconds of meeting a man if she'd be sexual with him. Let alone one full evening. Actually our brains can assess faster than that....they say between 7 and 10 seconds. It's a no brainer physical attraction needs to be almost instant. 2
kassy Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 If there is no part of me that is curious about getting you naked at some point, or I want to get you naked but with you would stop talking and just look pretty- in either of these situations I go with no chemistry. If I'm not smitten but there is some possibility of something there I'll go on a few more dates to see if anything is there.
insert_name Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Actually our brains can assess faster than that....they say between 7 and 10 seconds. It's a no brainer physical attraction needs to be almost instant. What happens if the guy wins the lottery 10 seconds after that? Does the female brain then re-calculate?
Leigh 87 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I posted on another thread that 'spark' and 'chemistry' seems to be something that 20 year old women look for. Certainly I have seen a number of posts by older women (40s) on another forum advising a younger one (20s) that she is going wrong by looking for instant 'spark' with guys and that is what is leading to short term, very intense relationships where the guy eventually turned out to be a douche. In their experience their successful long term relationships were slow burners where in some cases there wasn't even any initial attraction. They got to know the person and fell in love. This tends to be my experience too, so for me, I can't help but laugh when I go on a date that seems to have gone very well only to get the line about 'spark' and see the girl still on the same dating site with an active profile over a year later. Thats the trouble with OLD though, there is no room for slow burning attraction due to the nature of the format. There is also usually zero margin for error, for guys anyway. Except for an experienced dater like me, that slow burn never felt enough for me. I am a passionate person. If I don't feel a spark.... the magic....... I don't ever feel truly IN love. I would know. I tried the slow burn. I personally don't enjoy it. But then again I am not shallow and am open to chemistry with ANY man....... because I am open to feeling the spark as opposed to only allowing "hot" men into my sites, I've had a wonderfully fulfilling and EXCITING love life! Oh wow....I look back and smile at my past love life. How amazing it was. Thrilling and it made me feel so alive! And THAT to me, is living. Not dating men I am meh and likewarm about just because they are suuuuuuch good people and nice guys in the hope I'll "grow"into them. I'd rather go for what I truly yearn for and crash and burn 50 times before finding the right one rather than"settle" for someone I could never fall MADLY in love with
Myragal Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Actually our brains can assess faster than that....they say between 7 and 10 seconds. It's a no brainer physical attraction needs to be almost instant. I know myself. It's not that I need attraction within the first 10 seconds. It's more that a guy will be eliminated in the first 10 seconds. I could never see myself being physically intimate with him...never. 'If' he survives that first 10 seconds then I may be intrigued after a few more minutes with him. When single, I might go on a date or two a week. These are all guys that have approached me somehow. They have already passed that first impression. I have only slept with a few men in my life so it is still a long ways from a first positive impression to any deeper intimacy. I may be attracted to him and have a girl like crush but not sexually attracted to any man until some type of commitment.
Leigh 87 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Actually our brains can assess faster than that....they say between 7 and 10 seconds. It's a no brainer physical attraction needs to be almost instant. I knew right away in my best relationships. The men I didn't feel instant attraction never worked because we always skipped the honeymoon period.
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