ThisisIt606 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 (edited) I've been exclusively dating this guy for 6 months. His mother is visiting from out of state he texted me first yesterday and we talked normally. There was a lull in the convo so I asked if he's not busy would he like to go to this event with me this weekend? He said yeah, that sounds fun. He went on to say he doesn't know what his plans are with his mother and sibling so he will let me know as soon as he knows bc he might not be free. He texted me later saying he unfortunately couldn't go with me and had to take his mother to see his sibling in another city. I said no problem and told him to enjoy his time with them. ( although I was disappointed I wasn't too shocked) he went on to talk with me. I ended the convo later saying I had to go to bed. He said he should also get to bed and for me to sleep well:) I haven't heard from him AT ALL today. Which is weird... Bc he always shoots me a quick text when he's busy with family or something else. We text every day normally. I'm not sure if I should text him? He's been making a little annoyed lately so I really wish he would just text me. He always seems tired now and I don't want to make things " too easy" for him/ want him to do the reaching out. As of now the next time we will see each other is Friday ( I bought him a tix to my show) . The last time we saw each other was Wednesday ( he suggested hanging out and then we both agreed on a movie to see). It will be over a week not seeing each other due to his family visiting and my schedule. Should I text him tonight or just wait for him to text... If I still don't hear from him by tomorrow, should I text him or still wait? Edited November 29, 2015 by ThisisIt606
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Just because you date this guy doesn't mean he owes you every second of his life, don't be so needy. 4
SwordofFlame Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Just text if you want to text. This. Do you have a gut feeling that there's something wrong with the relationship? Because if you're still wondering if you should text or not to text after dating for 6 months is kind of silly. 1
hippychick3 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 I was reading through your previous posts about this guy/relationship. Are you sure he isn't dating someone else or in a relationship with someone else? He seems to be hiding you. It's not normal to not have met a single friend or family member or be Facebook friends at 6 months of dating. Something is amiss here...I think your gut knows this. 2
BC1980 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 I was reading through your previous posts about this guy/relationship. Are you sure he isn't dating someone else or in a relationship with someone else? He seems to be hiding you. It's not normal to not have met a single friend or family member or be Facebook friends at 6 months of dating. Something is amiss here...I think your gut knows this. That was my first thought. Seems like 6 months would be a good time to introduce you to his mother. That's kind if weird to me and probably indicates he's not seroius. 1
SwordofFlame Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Does he call you his girlfriend? I'm going to guess no because OP refers to him as guy she's exclusively dating for 6 months and not boyfriend.
basil67 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 He always seems tired now and I don't want to make things " too easy" for him/ want him to do the reaching out. So you like to be hard work. I think he'd get rather tired of you not putting in 50%
smackie9 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Stop texting...pick up the damn phone and call him if you are concerned. IMO texting is laziness and kills the intimacy in a relationship.
justabottle Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Don't be so overly dependent on your guy. Sometimes my bf don't text me till like late afternoon because he wants to have his own time, just give him a break. Guys need a breather as well! Spend more time on your own! I had a friend who over-reacts when her bf doesn't text her and now they are going through a rough period because I think over-reacting and paranoid is killing their relationship, according to her.
almond Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 If you're still playing the "do I text him or should I wait?" game in your head after being with someone for six months, then you have a problem that you need to address.
TunaCat Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 If I was spending time with my family, I absolutely would not be texting my significant other during the daytime. I'd text my SO at night, when I'm alone. I value my family time and it sounds like your guy does as well. I think you're overreacting and you need to find something to do so your mind is occupied. My guess is that he'll contact you when his family is out of town.
mattelipstick Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Does he call you his girlfriend? I asked this in another thread and OP wouldn't/didn't answer. These do not seem like normal questions you'd have to ask about your boyfriend. 1
BC1980 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 I'm getting the idea that this guy is really just wanting some companionship and intimacy after getting out of a LTR. Nothing wrong with that, but OP shouldn't expect anymore.
veggirl Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 6 mos in and he still won't call you his gf...I see why you are so insecure about a TEXT. you should break up with him because he's either just not that into you or is too emotionally retarded for a relationship. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 That was my first thought. Seems like 6 months would be a good time to introduce you to his mother. That's kind if weird to me and probably indicates he's not seroius. I have met one of this friends. There were 2 more separate occasions where he asked me to meet his friends. One didn't work out bc I wasn't available and the other didn't work out bc his friends planned poorly/ sister was visiting and didn't bring an ID so we couldn't meet at the bar. So yes I have met a friend but no family. It honestly doesn't seem like he has many local friends.
Author ThisisIt606 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 Does he call you his girlfriend? No, the only time we talked about this was about 2.5 months after dating. I asked what he's looking for/ what are we. He said he doesn't like to use labels and they put a lot go self induced pressure on him and he's not sure why/ couldn't explain it. I asked if he just wanted something casual/ hooking up and was clear I didn't want that. He said he didn't want that either, and he would be out of the relationship a log time ago if he sensed I wanted that. I asked if we were exclusive ( at this 2.5 mark)and he told me he hasn't been dating anyone else and isn't a fan of multi dating. I confirmed so you won't date anyone else? If you do you will tell me and this will be over then? And I also confirmed that would be no sex with anyone else right? I pointed out how confused I was bc all this is the same as a gf but for whatever reason the label was " too much". I asked if he would one day bring it up to call me his gf? And he said yes and also said if I am ever anxious or insecure about anything for me to bring it up. Time to bring up labels again?
Author ThisisIt606 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 Does he call you his girlfriend? That was my first thought. Seems like 6 months would be a good time to introduce you to his mother. That's kind if weird to me and probably indicates he's not seroius. I had the feeling I was being hidden too. However I did get multiple invites to meet friends and I have met one of them. I know his closest friends are out of state and out of country. I'm personally not really interested in meeting the mother just yet. From what he's told me about his family, there are some crazy relatives ( who doesn't have them) which he actively avoids. I'm not sure how the rest of them are... But I believe more " normal".
KatZee Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 This whole situation is retarded. I don't think he has any problems with "labels" he's just throwing every excuse in the book at your face and is hoping something will stick. In every past SERIOUS relationship I've had, I've met friends, family, very soon on. The "L" word was being dropped around 3-4 month mark. 6 months in and you two don't even have anything established between you. He won't call you a girlfriend, you've met A friend, and none of his family. You're this insecure at 6 months because this guy has it set up that way. You're not in anything serious, stable, or in a situation that is going to go anywhere. He wants you on his terms, when he wants it, and if you start getting antsy about it, he's going to throw up his hands and be like... "Hey, well I told you the deal. I told you there was no label to us. You're not my girlfriend." I'm not sure what you're really doing here? Just following him around hoping that he'll eventually speed things up? You need to tell him what YOU want. Obviously you want a boyfriend, you want someone you see more, speak with more? Someone that puts in more effort, someone you have a life together with. If you can't state your needs to this guy, deep down, you know he's not going to give it to you and you know this is going no where. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 I had the feeling I was being hidden too. However I did get multiple invites to meet friends and I have met one of them. I know his closest friends are out of state and out of country. I'm personally not really interested in meeting the mother just yet. From what he's told me about his family, there are some crazy relatives ( who doesn't have them) which he actively avoids. I'm not sure how the rest of them are... But I believe more " normal". Also to be fair, I haven't introduced him to my parents either and they are very local. No extensive travel required. I personally don't feel ready and think it would be awkward. I'm not interested in a sit down dinner or anything. Perhaps a brief meeting, running into them in the city but nothing prolonged
Author ThisisIt606 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 This whole situation is retarded. I don't think he has any problems with "labels" he's just throwing every excuse in the book at your face and is hoping something will stick. In every past SERIOUS relationship I've had, I've met friends, family, very soon on. The "L" word was being dropped around 3-4 month mark. 6 months in and you two don't even have anything established between you. He won't call you a girlfriend, you've met A friend, and none of his family. You're this insecure at 6 months because this guy has it set up that way. You're not in anything serious, stable, or in a situation that is going to go anywhere. He wants you on his terms, when he wants it, and if you start getting antsy about it, he's going to throw up his hands and be like... "Hey, well I told you the deal. I told you there was no label to us. You're not my girlfriend." I'm not sure what you're really doing here? Just following him around hoping that he'll eventually speed things up? You need to tell him what YOU want. Obviously you want a boyfriend, you want someone you see more, speak with more? Someone that puts in more effort, someone you have a life together with. If you can't state your needs to this guy, deep down, you know he's not going to give it to you and you know this is going no where. The thing is seeing each other and HIM imitating texting and hang outs was great. It all came to a screeching halt it seems when his mom showed up. He acts different when she's here. Caters to her and acts pretty helpless around me. I'll see him this week. I think I'll just say something like. " I'm not quite sure how to put this, so I'm just going to say it. I feel like I'm hidden.. After 6 months I've met one friend and no family. I'm curious, does your family know I exist?" He invited me over on the weekend also to help with Xmas decoration and do a hold Xmas afternoon. He leaves early the next am for a business trip.
hippychick3 Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 He just seems very emotionally unavailable. He's keeping you at arms length while telling you just enough to keep you on the hook. At 6 months, he should be calling you his girlfriend, falling in love with you if not already in love, talking about you to his family (even if he's not introducing you yet), and communicating daily. You seem to be on the outskirts of his life. Did he ever text you? 2
teamo Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Op have you ever Been in a serious relationship? If you are looking for something more than casual this is not how a relationship looks at 6 months in. I'm asking because after reading some of your other threads, it is clear how much you want a relationship, while this guy it seems likes you, but is dating you for companionship until he finds somebody he does want a commitment with. I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. I had met all his friends within the first month of dating. We met each other families while before 6 months, and yes my family lives in another state. By 6 months you should be fully present in each others lives, not wondering if you are somebody's girlfriend. By the 1 year mark a lot of couples in their late twenties and thirties are beginning to further commitments by moving in together or a least talking about moving in or marriage in the future. They are not wondering whether haven't met families, questioning whether it is ok to text their boyfriend first, seeing each other only2x a week, or afraid to request their significant other on Facebook. In my experience when's guy is serious about a girl he cannot wait to show her off to friends and family. I feel for you. Please reflect upon what you are really looking for. Next time you see him the conversation should not be I feel hidden, it should be " I am ready for a serious committed relationship. If you an not offer that at 6 months then sadly we are not compatible". Do not waste time following this guy hoping some day he will magically want a relationship. There are plenty of guys in the world who would want that with you!! 3
teamo Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Also to be fair, I haven't introduced him to my parents either and they are very local. No extensive travel required. I personally don't feel ready and think it would be awkward. I'm not interested in a sit down dinner or anything. Perhaps a brief meeting, running into them in the city but nothing prolonged I don't buy this. From the way you post about this guy, I think you'd love to introduce him to your parents. I think the reason you haven't and think it would be awkward, Is that deep down you know what his response would if you asked him to meet them.......... 1
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