basha Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Why don't you ask her what she meant? This. Doing so could also give you a chance to prove her wrong/clear up any misunderstandings... or show you if it was just an excuse. Worth a shot if the chemistry, match in values, etc. are as great as you say.
KatZee Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 This discussion simply shows that women really don't know what they want. You have your Sh#t together which is what you always hear them saying they want, yet you're too much? A more accurate guess in my view is that the girl simply wasn't attracted to you enough. I've never heard a woman reject a guy because he was too much (in terms of perfection). What do you mean "women don't really know what they want"? Of course we know what we want, and so does this woman he went on a date with. She doesn't want someone as high energy and as "on the go" as he portrayed himself to be. I'm curious as to why you think if you check all the boxes: -Successful -Rich -Attractive -Tons of hobbies -Tons of friends -Good job -Volunteer work That it automatically means women should be dropping their panties for you, and if they DON'T then it means they don't know what they want. Believe me. We're WAY beyond capable of deciding what it is we want. And sometimes, just SOMETIMES! We pass up guys like this. Happens all the time. And let me tell you, this isn't a "women don't know what they want thing." This extends through both genders because I am this kind of person and I'm a woman. I get told "you're intimidating" and that's why some men won't seriously date me. 2
Author renaissanceryan Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 To those that have read and replied, I sincerely appreciate it. I am capable of honest introspection and your comments helped me take a step back and assess how I may have been perceived over the course of the night. Here are my general high-level observations and takeaways. I'll preface by saying I completely accept the possibility that she simply didn't find me attractive or enjoy being around me - those are things I can't control, but if that's not the case, here are at least the things I can control. A) INTENSITY - Going forward, for first dates - I'm going to tone things down. I'd like to believe most women would like a fun, adventurous first date (certainly the type I'm attracted to), but for now, I'll keep things to a cup of coffee somewhere in the daytime. This maintains the integrity and objective of a first date - an initial meet and greet to see if 2 people have some chemistry and want to see more of each other... not a 6 hour odyssey of drinking, eating, dancing, singing, talking, kissing, etc. That's a lot to throw at someone all at once for the first time. B) SPEED - Many of the women I've been with in my life have remarked how 'quickly' they felt a bond with me. I've always used this to my advantage by accelerating things maybe more quickly than they were expecting but they felt comfortable with me enough to end up doing the things that we did. Hell in the last 2-3 years, it's been RARE that a first date didn't end up back at mine or the other person's apartment or at least a makeout sesh. There's no shame in slowing things down, and moving forward I will. B) HOW MUCH I HAVE TO GIVE TO SOMEONE ELSE - Naturally in the course of conversation, people will ask you "Where do you work?" "What do you do?" "What are your hobbies?", etc - and all of the things I shared about myself were things that someone is going to learn either way about me if they have a shred of social intelligence and ask decent questions. However, I think what's important is that whenever I share those things about me, I make it abundantly clear that I'm not squeezing every minute out of my day to advance the things I'm passionate about. Ie, I CAN just wind down and relax. I CAN cut things out and prioritize another person - why else would I be dating? I think looking back at it, I failed to communicate that "while all of the things I'm focused on are great and important to me, I'm obviously out on a date because I'm looking for more out of life and other things I can prioritize with my time." I already had a chance to put this into practice this afternoon. I went out on a date today - nothing more than a short, 2-hour meet and greet for coffee and a walk during the daytime. Things went good, and I think lines of communication were better - especially without the intensity of a "Friday Night out on the town to have fun" mentality, it was all about me and her. I bled the exposition about myself because I didn't want her to get the impression she'd never have a night of the week to squeak into my schedule. We hugged and ended the date. No kiss. I texted her 10 minutes ago, said I had a great time, and if feelings were mutual, we should grab brunch next Saturday - she said that sounds lovely with an exclamation mark and a smiley face. Not going to lie, still a little disappointed and confused about how a great first date from a few nights ago could end with a swift refusal to see me again, but so far this new approach seems to be working. 2
BluEyeL Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Definitely a better approach, good for you! It's not good for either men or women to be too intense and reveal too much at the first date. Take thins slow like you did on this date. It does work better. It worked for me when I was dating, and I'm a woman. Every time I was more exuberant and intense, it did not work well as far as a follow up.
craw Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 Ummmm I didn't read all the replies on here, but she sounds extremely messed up. She has some strange insecurity on here. Who the eff does that? Hi I had a great time! But you're messed up. I wouldn't change a single thing about you. Wtf? She touched you, who gives a weird mixed signals message like that? Pretty vindictive and kunty. I would be so heartbroken, if this happened to me. BTW, you sound super hot. Anyone that can have an insightful conversation and play an instrument shows high intelligence to me. Hope you meet or date or get this idiot out of your headspace quickly.
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