loveseeking Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 My boyfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me saying that he "wasn't done being single" AKA he wanted freedom to sleep with other girls. Previous to this we had lived together and were talking about getting married. I moved away for work temporarily when the breakup happened. I was extremely confused because he told me he still loves me the same and sees a future with me, and wanted to remain best friends throughout us being single until he's ready to be back together and fully commit to marriage. He has commitment fears so I respected his decision and remained friends with him. Throughout us being friends he acted exactly as if we were still together. Would tell me he loves me, constantly wanted to talk to me and spend time with me, etc. He even went on to say that he didn't want us to date other people. This was all very confusing to me, and I wondered how could he not want to be with me, but also not want me to be with anybody else either? I began to think he had just gotten cold feet when talking about marriage, and took a few steps back. He went on a trip with me, took me on dates, etc. Our friendship went on for 2 months, when I found out he had slept with a mutual friend of ours. I was immediately angry with both of them and cut off communication with both of them. Upon getting angry, he told me that he was ashamed of it, and it wasn't meant to happen, and that it didn't mean anything. This was 5 days ago. I haven't heard from either of them, not even for them to say sorry. As angry as I am with him, I am still deeply in love with him, and he is my best friend, which is making it very hard to move on from. I don't want to lose him. Right now I am in no contact, and I am just wanting advice from men or women who have gone through something similar and hopefully have a positive outlook for me to look forward to. I know it sounds crazy, but I just want some form of hope. The thought of losing him forever terrifies me.
Mrlovahlovah Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Oh man, first of all, sorry you are going through this. I feel you. i'll be very blunt about this. reading through your story, as it slowly unraveled, i was just waiting for you to drop the "he slept with someone" bomb. why? because his actions and words are textbook narcissistic behaviour. as much as it is hard for you to grasp, and no matter what he says, do you actually believe this was an honest mistake? I'd probably bet a hefty sum on him cheating on you with her while you two were still official. he tried to relieve his guilt by breaking up with you in a respectful manner, and throw in some false hope for the future. he wants you on his hook, 2nd option at best. Do you value yourself that poorly to be waiting and wanting to spend a lifetime with a person that gave up on you (even if it's just to sleep around), manipulated you into an unfair agreement which he eventually broke with no else but your mutual friend!!!! I don't really know him, or you, or the kind of relationship you had (or you think you had), and as opposed to many on loveshack am not too quick with generalising dumpers into patterns. but! there's really nothing to hold onto here. you still love him, and will for a while, but right now you need to think rationally and have some dignity and just walk the F away. NC. no texting. no peeking. no looking back. when it hurts, you talk to people, you watch a cheesy movie and down a bucket of ice cream. or post here on LS. we're here and we know the pain. as well as the consequences of breaking NC. good luck!
ExpatInItaly Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Sorry you're feeling so hurt, OP. You and your ex cannot continue being friends. You've just seen what an awful idea that is. He kept you around for the comforts of having a girlfriend but has sex with other women. He also showed you he has very poor judgement and not a lot of respect for you. Sure, he is single and can have sex with whom he chooses - but a friend? That is not cool. And it certainly isn't the behaviour of a "best friend." For your own sanity, you need to delete this guy from your life. Time will really help in this case. Take it one day at a time.
LostOnes05 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 What is there to love about someone who breaks up with you to sleep with other women? Then sleeps with a mutual friend? Plenty of guys (myself included) would love to be in a relationship leading toward marriage. If he does this after only two years of being with you, happens 5-10 years down the line? It's hard to say but the best predictor of future behaviors are past ones. Could you ever get past the fact that he abandoned you and trust him again? In my opinion, you're not afraid of losing him because that has already happened. You're afraid of starting over and being out of your comfort zone. Stay no contact and heal yourself. You deserve better than what you're getting, so it's time to realize that and actualize it. Best of luck to you and don't be hard on yourself AT ALL. 1
Mikeyfreedom Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 My boyfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me saying that he "wasn't done being single" AKA he wanted freedom to sleep with other girls. Previous to this we had lived together and were talking about getting married. I moved away for work temporarily when the breakup happened. I was extremely confused because he told me he still loves me the same and sees a future with me, and wanted to remain best friends throughout us being single until he's ready to be back together and fully commit to marriage. He has commitment fears so I respected his decision and remained friends with him. Throughout us being friends he acted exactly as if we were still together. Would tell me he loves me, constantly wanted to talk to me and spend time with me, etc. He even went on to say that he didn't want us to date other people. This was all very confusing to me, and I wondered how could he not want to be with me, but also not want me to be with anybody else either? I began to think he had just gotten cold feet when talking about marriage, and took a few steps back. He went on a trip with me, took me on dates, etc. Our friendship went on for 2 months, when I found out he had slept with a mutual friend of ours. I was immediately angry with both of them and cut off communication with both of them. Upon getting angry, he told me that he was ashamed of it, and it wasn't meant to happen, and that it didn't mean anything. This was 5 days ago. I haven't heard from either of them, not even for them to say sorry. As angry as I am with him, I am still deeply in love with him, and he is my best friend, which is making it very hard to move on from. I don't want to lose him. Right now I am in no contact, and I am just wanting advice from men or women who have gone through something similar and hopefully have a positive outlook for me to look forward to. I know it sounds crazy, but I just want some form of hope. The thought of losing him forever terrifies me. I can understand how you feel. I have been split up with mu ex now 5 weeks, and I am also deeply in love with her and always have been. I had some personal issues leading up to our breakup, but the only thing I have done since is concentrate on myself, losing weight running everyday. I have stopped drinking and turning to a lot cleaner life. And I feel better for myself inside for it. Its slow and I still think of her all the time, but I am beginning to gain some control over my emotions now and feel strong. That is contact should occur, I will be able to handle it now and not just flip as I had previously. I am now NC 2 weeks in. Every time I feel like wobbling, I make sure I walk away from the computer or any form of contact and it then dies away. It takes a bit of self discipline, but it is now working for me. I think the important thing I have learn(amongst many other things) is that, this is not transferring everything for her but to improve me and my thoughts, as I was pretty damaged. I am feeling a lot more together now, and know I have a good future whatever it will bring. So hang in there and stay tough!
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 He sounds like a douche. I say ditch him and burn all his belongings.
Author loveseeking Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 Thank you all. I really appreciate it. I know you guys are all right I'm just trying to be strong for myself right now and it hurts. Hopefully in time I become stronger.
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