PieceTablo Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Sorry for this being so long, I added a tl;dr at the bottom: I have been in a relationship now for 2.5 years with a girl we can call Lisa. We met in college. She has graduated now and I will graduate this year. Things started off very wild, we practically moved in with each other from the get-go and never left each other's side. It was crazy, in retrospect. I think in some ways I used Lisa to get away from my abusive ex, as in that if I ensured that things became very serious with Lisa, I would definitely not fall back into that old relationship which was very hard for me to leave. We made it official after two weeks. I don't think either of us was sure it would last, I was supposed to go move back to my own country (I was an exchange student). We were polar opposites in a lot of ways. She loved partying and socializing, I hated it and wanted to read books and tv shows at home. But she made me go along and in some ways I loved it. There were so many new experiences and new friends. Of course my studies slipped a bit, since I was too tired to stay awake in class... But it was so new and great for me. There never was a dull moment with her. She was also incredibly intelligent and witty. I did not want to lose her. So I ended up staying, since I did not want to leave Lisa. I have always been a hopeless romantic, prepared to give up pretty much anything in order to make it work. This is also the reason why it took me very long to end my previous abusive relationship. I refuse to throw in the towel. Anyways, over time we have changed. Lisa has become more calm and a homebody (last time we went out is like half a year ago?). I have become more gregarious and have become quite social. We built our future plans together. We had officially moved in with each other and moved to a new city. After our work and school days, we eat the meal she prepared, talk through our days, perhaps watch a tv show. On the weekends we go grocery shopping, or perhaps even go to a sports game. My family likes her, and vice versa. Her parents are always willing to help out, so financially we are very sound, something that has always worried me since my family and I are quite poor. On the surface it all looks great. However, for about half a year now, I have been getting more and more bored. We do the same thing, every day, every week. Sometimes I do not want to go home since it just does not excite me to be around her. We have different hobbies, Lisa does not really like the things I like to watch and do, and the inverse is true as well. We do however do it sometimes (I go on way too long shopping trips with her, she watches basketball with me). The fact that at heart we are opposites is a great thing, since we balance each other out, but it makes things hard too. I love being alone, she is really bad at being alone (but has gotten better of time). I am not close to my parents at all, she rarely goes a day without talking to them. I really want to explore cities and new places, she has seen most already and is okay without exploring. She can freak out about the smallest things, I barely raise my head if a glass bottle shatters. I like serious discussions and movies, she likes lighthearted chats and funny movies. Another factor is that over time I have met other women. Now, as I said before, I am very loyal, so I never acted on any of my impulses and desires. After I noticed that I started liking somebody too much, I cut off all contact. It helped that I was always able to rationalize things and be like "Yep, she's cool...but she has all these drawbacks too. And while I could be happy with her, it would not be an improvement over my current girlfriend." A couple of months ago however, I met another girl. And it was like instant fireworks from the start. We only talked for an hour, but when we split up all I could think was "yep, I would so fall in love with her if I had the chance." I never expected anything to happen however, since we did not exchange numbers or anything. However, over the following months, we had a few other chance interactions, which led to more time together. And each time, I liked her more and more. We seemed to be so in tune and it seemed so perfect. Even logically, I feel like she could be somebody I could marry, since we also seem to complete each other, but unlike my current girlfriend, we do have similar hobbies and interests. Later on she told me she liked me. Which obviously did not help the situation. I told her I had a girlfriend already, and she (wisely) does not want things to proceed like this. So we cut off all contact until I figured out my own situation. I am truly terrified, since I do not know what to do. I can stick with my current girlfriend and try and make it work, but what if this other girl is actually better for me, and I lose out on her? Then again, I am also afraid to end things with my current girlfriend. Since it may not be great anymore, but it still is a good relationship. I am trying to judge my relationship on its own, since that is only fair to my current girlfriend. Should I throw it all away because life just isn't as exciting anymore? I wish there was some way to look 10 years in the future here to see where I would be happiest. Any help is appreciated. tl;dr: Have a girlfriend for two years, great for each other, but life has gotten boring. No real matching interests and hobbies, but very committed and it logically and financially makes sense to stick together. Should I stay or go?
czen Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 I sort of had the same issue, I ended up leaving my girlfriend and also was falling for another girl. Things were not great, but not bad either. We fought uite bit, but we alwys knew we would be there for each other. Long story short: things did not end up working out with the other girl. I think I already knew it would fail, since we just were too similar and just did not have much to add to each other's lives. So make sure you do not end up rushing into new relationship if you do end up breaking things off. In the end, I think my new girl was mostly just an excuse to break it off. Things hd been going badly for while between me and my ex. Having this safety net was jut the thing that pushed me over the edge. I m happier now, since like I said: it was not working out, and deep down I knew I had to break it off. Life is too short to spend it with someone you re not sure about. Maybe the sme is true for you? 2
casey.lives Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 when you use someone to get over another person - you're not about the person or the relationship (so much for being romantic )... hopefully you find what your looking for and get a resolve to stop over-analyzing and investigating the past. It's Gone!
Glitters Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 The initial excitement doesn't last forever , in any relationship without effort. Everyday life is boring, no matter what people say. We make it exciting by doing little things. You don't need to spend money for it either ! You probably like the thrill of the first few months, the beginning of a new relationship. If you guys don't have common interests then find excitement in learning the passion of the other ! Leaving a stable relationship isn't a good idea for grass is not always greener on other side
kassy Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 I'd say sit down with your girlfriend and have a chat about your relationship and boredom (don't mention the other girl), and ask her if she feels the same she really might. See if you guys can try and spice things up in general. Give it a good try and then make a decision. If nothing changes or it changes and you are still bored of your life then break up. The grass isn't always greener but sometimes it is. I don't think rushing into a new relationship is a great idea if you guys break up. Sounds like you haven't spent any time single as an adult and maybe some time alone (if things with current girlfriend don't work out) would probably help you know yourself better and find a better partner. 2
Versacehottie Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 Well it sounds like a classic case you two growing apart. Part of the reason why this new crush seems so exciting is simply because she is new. You and your gf were young when you got together. People grow and change during their college years. I think you should see it for the good ways in which you each helped each other grow and expand to explain the relationship's purpose. However, the fact that you mainly see differences and the fact that there are so many AND especially since the only reasons you state for wanting to stay together are practical or fear-based, I think it's time to break up. If a guy felt like me the way you feel about her, I would not want him to stay with me. I think the way you are heading now you will be resenting each other and stifled even more than you already are. IMO, your relationship has run it's course and served it's purpose. I don't know what to say about the other girl. IMO, she is a very minor factor or the excuse to be a catalyst. She is not the real issue and I doubt there is "much" there at the moment. It took you this long to figure out you were incompatible with your current gf and point is that you don't really know the new crush. That's what dating and just the passage of time are for. I think you could date her but definitely keep your expectations low and don't make her the reason for leaving your current gf. It's not. Also I think there is a bit of bad karma for handling things like that, undue pressure on new crush if you were to date and realistically you'd need time to process your breakup and explore your freedom. To me though, your relationship is done. Handle it well and respectfully. You both sound like good people and sometimes paths just diverge. good luck 1
Author PieceTablo Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 I'd say sit down with your girlfriend and have a chat about your relationship and boredom (don't mention the other girl), and ask her if she feels the same she really might. See if you guys can try and spice things up in general. Give it a good try and then make a decision. If nothing changes or it changes and you are still bored of your life then break up. The grass isn't always greener but sometimes it is. I don't think rushing into a new relationship is a great idea if you guys break up. Sounds like you haven't spent any time single as an adult and maybe some time alone (if things with current girlfriend don't work out) would probably help you know yourself better and find a better partner. Yes, I already started following this advice. Had a LONG conversation with my girlfriend about all the things that bothered me. I did not bring up the other girl, or that my doubts are very serious, but I did bring up that we have lost the spark and that life just has gotten boring. She reacted very well and understanding and that she wants to help me be happier. Pretty much the perfect response. It made me feel a lot better about the relationship, but I still have the feeling inside of me that this isn't "it". Whatever that might be. Either way, I will be seeing how the relationship goes in the following month. I also am not planning on rushing into things with this new girl. Even though it feels amazingly right to being with her, I would like to take it slow for once in my life and not let the hopeless romantic in me take over.
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