brandon26003 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I am 35 years old and she is 26. We met a month ago. Everything was going great! We connected on so many different levels. I was mostly going to see her and she even came up to my place a few times even though we live 85 minutes away from each other. She would always say that she was glad that I was coming to see her. This weekend, however, she did a few things that really upset me. I went to her place Friday night as we had plans to go to a college football game the next day. She told me over a week ago that she had tickets and invited me. The plan was for me to stay until Sunday. Her brother lives in the apartment right next to her. I get there Friday evening. We went out, got pizza, and brought it home. After we ate, she said she was going over to her brothers and left me in her apartment. Almost an hour goes by and I don't hear anything. She texts me and tells me to come over to her brothers apartment. I walk over and everyone is drinking, which I don't mind. I was there for like 15-20 minutes and she walks outside for another hour talking to a friend that was having "relationship issues." I felt out of place and uncomfortable around a bunch of people I don't know. She comes back in to get me and we walk back to her place. As we were walking back over, her brother and some of his friends were talking about how they all smoked marijuana, including her, a few weeks ago and were bragging about how "high" she was. After we walked inside she said that she doesn't do it. The reason that this is an issue is because I'm going into law enforcement and it wouldn't look good if the girl I am dating smokes marijuana. We go inside and go to bed. We start making out and she starts to give me oral sex. She stops after a few minutes and goes over to check on her brother again who was being drunk and loud. When she went back over she promised that she would "finish" me when she came back. 90 minutes later she comes back in. She starts to perform oral on me again, stops after a few minutes, and she goes back over because she thought he was about to drive away drunk. She again promises to finish me when she comes back and asks for me to stay awake. I stay awake for another hour and eventually fall asleep. I was really irritated for being left for hours by myself, at her brothers and at her place, and was irritated because she left me horny. Should I have been upset by any of this? I know most people are going to attack me and say that I was only concerned about sex because that is my experience with posting on these types of forums. The next day we wake up and I brought up that I was upset that she left me alone and mentioned jokingly that she left me horny. I understood the reason she gave me about her brother and she promised that she would repay the favor for leaving me horny. I also found out from her that she didn't really have tickets to the game and said that she always paid her landlord for tickets. I started getting upset again because I didn't find out that she didn't have the tickets until 2 hours before the game started. Why would she tell me that she had tickets and wait until 2 hours before the game started that she didn't have them? I started getting irritated again. I asked her about that and she eventually got the tickets. We went to the game, had a good time, and came back to her place. Later that night she left me at her place a few hours by myself again while she went over to her brothers. I woke up a few hours later and she was in bed. We woke up this morning and had a talk. I had known that she was having some personal health issues and didn't realize that she was having some serious financial issues as well. I then felt bad for complaining about the tickets and told her that she should have just said something to me. I also told her that I would pay her for the tickets. I told her that I would have came to see her no matter what. I then told her that I am interested in seeing if there was long term relationship potential with her and that was why I asked her about the marijuana issue and the other things that she did this weekend that upset me. How would it look if a police officer's girl was a marijuana smoker? I also explained that if she was just a woman that I was just interested in having sex with I wouldn't have brought anything up. She explained that she wasn't looking to make the mistake of jumping into a relationship again because she has made that mistake before. I told her that I wasn't either. Before I left, she said she wanted to meet half way one evening this week for dinner. Is this normal dating issues? I've been out of the dating scene for so long that I forget how it's supposed to work ! Do I have a reason to be upset for any of this? Should I have not even brought it up? I appreciate any advice. Thank you.
kendahke Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) I am 35 years old and she is 26. We met a month ago. Everything was going great! We connected on so many different levels. I was mostly going to see her and she even came up to my place a few times even though we live 85 minutes away from each other. She would always say that she was glad that I was coming to see her. This weekend, however, she did a few things that really upset me. I went to her place Friday night as we had plans to go to a college football game the next day. She told me over a week ago that she had tickets and invited me. The plan was for me to stay until Sunday. Her brother lives in the apartment right next to her. I get there Friday evening. We went out, got pizza, and brought it home. After we ate, she said she was going over to her brothers and left me in her apartment. Almost an hour goes by and I don't hear anything. She texts me and tells me to come over to her brothers apartment. I walk over and everyone is drinking, which I don't mind. I was there for like 15-20 minutes and she walks outside for another hour talking to a friend that was having "relationship issues." I felt out of place and uncomfortable around a bunch of people I don't know. She comes back in to get me and we walk back to her place. As we were walking back over, her brother and some of his friends were talking about how they all smoked marijuana, including her, a few weeks ago and were bragging about how "high" she was. After we walked inside she said that she doesn't do it. The reason that this is an issue is because I'm going into law enforcement and it wouldn't look good if the girl I am dating smokes marijuana. We go inside and go to bed. We start making out and she starts to give me oral sex. She stops after a few minutes and goes over to check on her brother again who was being drunk and loud. When she went back over she promised that she would "finish" me when she came back. that is when I'd have gotten my things and driven home--oh and before I left her house, I would have blocked her so she couldn't call me. When I got home, I would have blocked her email and deleted without reading anything she had to say. You two are not compatible. That should have been crystal clear when she disappeared on you while supposedly sharing intimacy with you. She smokes weed and most likely will hide it from you; if you get in her business about it, she'll most likely push back and find ways to keep doing it behind your back. There just comes a time when you have to recognize unnecessary stress and BS instead of wanting what you want. You haven't invested that much time. Just end it. Edited November 8, 2015 by kendahke 1
kendahke Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 But to answer your title's question: yes. I'd be livid if a guy left me in his bed to go next door for 90 minutes to "check on their sibling" after I'd driven an hour and 25 minutes to see him. That's just messy and rude. And if she likes to party and smoke weed, then this isn't the chick for you. Unless she wants to already give up weed of her own accord, what most likely will happen is she sneaks out behind your back to smoke it elsewhere--and most likely with other guys. No. Don't even wade into this messy stream. She's showing you exactly who she is--her representative has been dismissed and this is the real her. Go find a straight edge girl. They exist. 3
kpl Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 She doesn't seem like long term relationship potential right now. She sounds very immature and she's a liar. After a month you guys should be having way more fun than not. 2
LostOnes05 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I guess I don't understand dating these days or situationships. If a girl is having sex with me, I'm asking for exclusivity and a relationship. How can people be cool with just "hanging out" and having sex but when talk of a relationship comes up it's hold up time. I got suckered into this once and I promised myself it would never happen again. The fact that she felt the need to stop having sex to babysit her brother would bother me. That doesn't sound normal to me. I'd back off just a bit to see what she does. And yea, you were justified in bringing it up...no doubt about that. But after the second time I probably would've left. The lying about tickets was odd as well. What else has she lied about?
thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 She sounds like someone who just does what she wants and hopes everyone else will fit in. She doesn't think about how any of her behaviour comes across. And yeah if it was me and a guy did that to me, it would upset me too. 1
Odinani Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 She's a lot younger than you. Nothing wrong with smoking a bit of weed, being flighty and avoiding settling down, when you're 26. I sure wouldn't have wanted to date a 35 year old when I was 26. 2
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Geezzz she must be hot for you to endure this type of behavior. No it's not normal, not in my world.
Karine26 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 It's only been a month. I'd move on. Not that you can't be mature at 26 but this girl obviously isn't. She seems to still be into partying and games. 3
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I agree with all the posters. If I were in your shoes, the immaturity, the lies, the financial irresponsibility, the disrespect, and the weed are all deal breakers.....it's like you are dating a damn teenager. I say date someone more age appropriate, equal to your lifestyle with their s hit together. 1
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 She's a lot younger than you. Nothing wrong with smoking a bit of weed, being flighty and avoiding settling down, when you're 26. I sure wouldn't have wanted to date a 35 year old when I was 26. When I was 26 I was dating a 20 year old.....he ended up being my husband lol 1
Poutrew Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Let me get this right: She is giving you a BJ and stops right in the middle of it and goes over to her brothers apartment for over an hour? And she does this twice? With your semen in her mouth? This is not normal. And, you have a right to be worried. Last time I heard about something like this, the girl was using the sperm donation and a turkey baster to get her girlfriend pregnant... Do now walk away, Run away. Chances are you will be seeing this girl again in the near future in a police lockup for prostitution. Also, are you sure the guy is really her brother? Too much just doesn't add up, my friend.
Shanex Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 When I was 26 I was dating a 20 year old.....he ended up being my husband lol When I was 26 I dated a 35 yo woman who voluntarily or not made me stop the weed and parties. But we eventually broke up. She made me a more matured man I guess. Now that I am 31 I wouldnt want some 20s something who only care about drinking/smoking and partying.
xcupid Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 That might be normal for her but let's be real, you're really not compatible and she's going to be more trouble than she's worth down the road. Move on.
kendahke Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Let me get this right: She is giving you a BJ and stops right in the middle of it and goes over to her brothers apartment for over an hour? And she does this twice? With your semen in her mouth? It doesn't sound like they got that far--otherwise, he wouldn't have been frustrated.
TheBathWater Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I am 35 years old and she is 26. We met a month ago. Everything was going great! We connected on so many different levels. I was mostly going to see her and she even came up to my place a few times even though we live 85 minutes away from each other. She would always say that she was glad that I was coming to see her. This weekend, however, she did a few things that really upset me. I went to her place Friday night as we had plans to go to a college football game the next day. She told me over a week ago that she had tickets and invited me. The plan was for me to stay until Sunday. Her brother lives in the apartment right next to her. I get there Friday evening. We went out, got pizza, and brought it home. After we ate, she said she was going over to her brothers and left me in her apartment. Almost an hour goes by and I don't hear anything. She texts me and tells me to come over to her brothers apartment. I walk over and everyone is drinking, which I don't mind. I was there for like 15-20 minutes and she walks outside for another hour talking to a friend that was having "relationship issues." I felt out of place and uncomfortable around a bunch of people I don't know. She comes back in to get me and we walk back to her place. As we were walking back over, her brother and some of his friends were talking about how they all smoked marijuana, including her, a few weeks ago and were bragging about how "high" she was. After we walked inside she said that she doesn't do it. The reason that this is an issue is because I'm going into law enforcement and it wouldn't look good if the girl I am dating smokes marijuana. We go inside and go to bed. We start making out and she starts to give me oral sex. She stops after a few minutes and goes over to check on her brother again who was being drunk and loud. When she went back over she promised that she would "finish" me when she came back. 90 minutes later she comes back in. She starts to perform oral on me again, stops after a few minutes, and she goes back over because she thought he was about to drive away drunk. She again promises to finish me when she comes back and asks for me to stay awake. I stay awake for another hour and eventually fall asleep. I was really irritated for being left for hours by myself, at her brothers and at her place, and was irritated because she left me horny. Should I have been upset by any of this? I know most people are going to attack me and say that I was only concerned about sex because that is my experience with posting on these types of forums. The next day we wake up and I brought up that I was upset that she left me alone and mentioned jokingly that she left me horny. I understood the reason she gave me about her brother and she promised that she would repay the favor for leaving me horny. I also found out from her that she didn't really have tickets to the game and said that she always paid her landlord for tickets. I started getting upset again because I didn't find out that she didn't have the tickets until 2 hours before the game started. Why would she tell me that she had tickets and wait until 2 hours before the game started that she didn't have them? I started getting irritated again. I asked her about that and she eventually got the tickets. We went to the game, had a good time, and came back to her place. Later that night she left me at her place a few hours by myself again while she went over to her brothers. I woke up a few hours later and she was in bed. We woke up this morning and had a talk. I had known that she was having some personal health issues and didn't realize that she was having some serious financial issues as well. I then felt bad for complaining about the tickets and told her that she should have just said something to me. I also told her that I would pay her for the tickets. I told her that I would have came to see her no matter what. I then told her that I am interested in seeing if there was long term relationship potential with her and that was why I asked her about the marijuana issue and the other things that she did this weekend that upset me. How would it look if a police officer's girl was a marijuana smoker? I also explained that if she was just a woman that I was just interested in having sex with I wouldn't have brought anything up. She explained that she wasn't looking to make the mistake of jumping into a relationship again because she has made that mistake before. I told her that I wasn't either. Before I left, she said she wanted to meet half way one evening this week for dinner. Is this normal dating issues? I've been out of the dating scene for so long that I forget how it's supposed to work ! Do I have a reason to be upset for any of this? Should I have not even brought it up? I appreciate any advice. Thank you. You should have seen my eyeballs popping out of my face as I was reading your post. Yes, I would be upset if someone left me in bed like that for hours or took off on me. I would also be upset by her general second-class behavior. Not cool. What I couldn't get though was why, even after all of that, you want to move things forward with her, pay for her tickets, and get into a long-term relationship? No. No. No! You've got to run now. She is going to mess your head up. It might also be helpful to sit down for a bit and think about why you allowed yourself to get strung along by someone like this on her terms. You're clearly looking for something she is not going to be able to give you. 1
Author brandon26003 Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 I purposefully brought up what I was seeking for in a relationship. I'm a firm believer in being truthful and not playing games. If they can't handle the truth and run, it's their issue not mine. I think it's best to bring it up early before feelings get involved. If they are scared of a relationship, it's better to "scare" them away prior to feelings getting involved. If she runs away, I'm okay with that. She just wasn't ready. I've hardly heard from her since the conversation we had. Last night she brought up that she has been thinking a lot about what we talked about and didn't respond when I asked her what she was thinking about. She texted me first this afternoon, and after a few texts, I asked her again what she was thinking about. She replied by saying the future. I then reiterated that I wanted to make my intentions known early prior to feelings getting involved and haven't heard anything back from her. I think she's scared of commitment and is figuring out if she wants to run or not.
dumbass2 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I don't think you should be asking her any more and waiting to see what she wants to do. Take control and just tell it is best you two go your separate ways. You shouldn't be waiting around for her to see if she wants to run or not. She's not ready and you are looking for someone that is and is fully committed to trying and make a relationship work. 4
TheBathWater Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I don't think you should be asking her any more and waiting to see what she wants to do. Take control and just tell it is best you two go your separate ways. You shouldn't be waiting around for her to see if she wants to run or not. She's not ready and you are looking for someone that is and is fully committed to trying and make a relationship work. Dumbass has some kickass advice, dude.
kendahke Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I purposefully brought up what I was seeking for in a relationship. I'm a firm believer in being truthful and not playing games. If they can't handle the truth and run, it's their issue not mine. I think it's best to bring it up early before feelings get involved. If they are scared of a relationship, it's better to "scare" them away prior to feelings getting involved. If she runs away, I'm okay with that. She just wasn't ready. I've hardly heard from her since the conversation we had. Last night she brought up that she has been thinking a lot about what we talked about and didn't respond when I asked her what she was thinking about. She texted me first this afternoon, and after a few texts, I asked her again what she was thinking about. She replied by saying the future. I then reiterated that I wanted to make my intentions known early prior to feelings getting involved and haven't heard anything back from her. I think she's scared of commitment and is figuring out if she wants to run or not. This isn't something you leave up to her. You need to lead your own way out of this. She can't even answer a simple question--that should tell you a lot about her intentions. And the sex can't be so great that you can't find the exit.
Author brandon26003 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Posted November 28, 2015 We had been dating for almost 2 months. I am 35 and she is 26. She came to my place and she was being really secretive on her phone. Then I heard the notification that Android phones give when you receive a message on POF. She grabbed her phone and went into my bathroom. I checked on POF and noticed that she was on. Number one thing that pissed me off. We went to dinner later in the evening. While at dinner, I could see the TV that had a college game on. The team I wanted to get beat got beat so I got a little excited. She has the nerve to tell me that I need to go outside if I was going to be loud. Number 2 thing that pissed me off. The next day, I asked her why she disrespected me by being on POF in my house and asked her why she was being controlling. She said things weren't going to work out between us and told me to take care. I wasn't too upset because I was getting ready to say the same thing. Why the heck is she texting me random things since we stopped "dating" when she said she wasn't interested any longer?
LostOnes05 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Completely ignore her. A woman did the same crap to me post breakup. Told me not to call, text, or anything. So of course I don't and guess who sends me a good morning text the next day?? The weirdest thing ever and then the sporadic contact, which I am now ignoring. Probably just wants to keep in contact with you just enough, in case the other guy(s) don't work out. 1
brokengirl85 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 she was extremely disrespectful. You deserve better, at least someone with manners
littlez360 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Yes I agree with the above... I've learned how to access the block settings on my phone while it's still in my pocket... That'll tell you a thing or two about how some of my dates have gone...
Recommended Posts