Cali434 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 (edited) Recently tried out online dating site to meet new friends and possibly a relationship. I went out on 7 "get to know each other friendly dates" already. Still talk to maybe 5, 2 who I flirt with a bit and 3 I treat as friends. Here are the problems: I think I clicked really well with 5 of the guys I have met so far, but I am only interested in 1. All of the other four told me that friendship or relationship is fine with them. Regardless, they are still flirty with me and ask me out. I still go out but everytime I go out with them, I keep things super friendly and never crossed any boundaries (not even hold any hands). Although I do joke around a lot in the text messages and sometimes they might take it as flirty? I did mentioned to them I only see them as a friend though and hoped that they got the hint. Some of them still flirted back, asked me out and send me emojis. I feel bad and caved in and hang out with them (usually just a movie or with their friends?) How do I tell them I am not interested in them, but is totally open to being friends with them in a nice way. I feel like I am going out with some of these guys because I feel obligated to. It makes me feel like I am dating a lot of people when I just only hang out with them as friends. I still feel bad and a little slutty to be honest. How to tell a guy who I really clicked with that I want to be friends only in a nice way? I know they are still talking to other girls and I haven't been active online much anymore, but I still think that I am meeting a lot of people compared to them. It makes me feel like I am doing something bad. Edited November 28, 2015 by Cali434
todreaminblue Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 be honest.....just tell them straight up it wont go further than friendship.....say that you are interested in someone and you dont feel the same way about them....as soon as guys hear that ...they normally fade off if friendship isnt on the agenda for them...it works..the guys i have told this understand and seem to respect me...deb
Author Cali434 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Posted November 28, 2015 be honest.....just tell them straight up it wont go further than friendship.....say that you are interested in someone and you dont feel the same way about them....as soon as guys hear that ...they normally fade off if friendship isnt on the agenda for them...it works..the guys i have told this understand and seem to respect me...deb I have went out more 2x with some of them and I don't know if they will feel offended and wonder why I didn't tell them the first round.
Qboro90 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 If you want honestly then the truth is that none of these guys want to be your friend. The fact that you're still talking to them and agreeing to go on dates is giving them the false hope that they can win you over if they continue to see you and that even though you say "I see you as a friend" now, they think they can change that as long as you're willing to see/speak to them. So I recommend you stop doing that. Be honest,,, a year from now, if one of your long time girlfriends asked you what you were doing this weekend... Can you see yourself saying "I'm meeting up with Matt (one of the guys you are referring tk now that you met through online dating and see just as a friend) . He and I have become really great friends since we met last year through OLD. Cmon... That's not gonna happen. These guys aren't looking for "friends" . They wanna date and hook up with you. Leading them on isn't going to help you or them. Either stop replying to their efforts to communicate. They'll get the hint eventually. You don't owe them anything at this point. Or if you want to address Jt now because you think they deserve an explanation , simply text them "hey, I appreciate the offer but I don't think there's anything there between us. You're a great guy and I wish you the best, but I don't want to waste your time or lead you on by continuing to hang out. Take care" Or simply "hey I'm sorry but I started seeing someone, don't think we should get together but I wish you all the best"
salparadise Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 How do I tell them I am not interested in them, but is totally open to being friends with them in a nice way. I feel like I am going out with some of these guys because I feel obligated to. It makes me feel like I am dating a lot of people when I just only hang out with them as friends. I still feel bad and a little slutty to be honest. I suggest you reassess the meaning of the word "friends" and quit leading these guys on. If you're interested in one particular guy, then decline invitations from the others and focus on him. Just tell the others you're seeing someone. These other guys aren't friends- they're orbiters. I hate transmutation of language whether it's naiveté or ulterior motives. What you should feel obligated to is authenticity. You don't need to burn bridges, just quit being obtuse. Watch out- that little word starting with "s" and ending in "y" will get you a time out. 1
Erik30 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Tell them you're getting serious with someone, and will be spending most of your time with that guy. And stop hanging out with them. You're probably the only girl they're talking to, so all of that contact gives them false hope. You're actually doing them a favor by being honest. You already gave them the ljbf line, so it shouldn't come as a total shock.
SwordofFlame Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 I think these guys may be defining friends as potential friend with benefits. They're probably not looking to be strictly platonic friends. After all, you are meeting them through a dating site. Just stop talking to them.
truth_seeker Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 How to tell a guy who I really clicked with that I want to be friends only in a nice way? I know they are still talking to other girls and I haven't been active online much anymore, but I still think that I am meeting a lot of people compared to them. It makes me feel like I am doing something bad. Very simple: you tell each of them you're starting to see someone and its getting serious.
smackie9 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Do like everyone else....stop communicating with them.
AspenBaldwin Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested? According to an episode of The Simpsons called : 'I love Lisa' these are the most common phrases to use: I like you as a friend. I think we should see other people. I NO speak English. I'm married to the sea. I don't want to kill you, but I will. I'm not gay, but I'll learn...
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