Worstnameever Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 I'm a compulsive over thinker and a wordy typer, but I'll try to keep this succint. First some background : I'm recently divorced and between my ex and ex before that I haven't been single in over 10 years, so this is uncomfortable terrain for me. There's this woman at work that I've always thought was pretty cute. A month or so ago she casually mentioned a group from work going out for drinks and I should come. It seemed like she was expressing specific interest in me, and using this as a safe and casual way to kind of ask me out, you know, but it's a group thing so she's not sticking her neck out. Cool. But the outing never happened. We work at a big store with lots of different people and unmaterialized outings are quite common. This same scenario plays out a couple more times, and it is really starting to seem like the two of us are trying to get together outside work. A couple weeks ago I stop by the store on my day off for a quick training session, and run into on my way out. I ask if she has any plans after work and if she wants to grab a drink or something. She says yes and asks for my number, which I write down on a scrap of paper. She says she'll call after work. She doesn't. I see her at work the next day and she apologizes and says she owes me a drink, work was crazy yesterday and all that. I'm off before her and as I'm leaving work I say if she wants to try again I'm free. She says okay and she'll text me so I have her number. This exchange was casual and non specific, so I'm not necessarily expecting to make plans that day, and sure enough I don't hear from her. But no big deal. A couple days later she approaches me while I'm on a break, hands me a pen and paper, says she lost my number. Ok, understandable. Nothing for days, but it's kind of bad timing because the store is gearing up for holidays and whats more she's about to interview for a big promotion, so I get that she's busy. We are friendly at work, there's nothing weird, it's just not happening. At this point I'm not thinking much of it, just keeping an eye out for a good opportunity. A week or two passes. I decide the ball is in her court, don't push it, she'll approach me if she's interested. Last Sunday I finally get a text, "what's your schedule like next week?" cool. I reply with my general schedule, mention my days off. We have the same days off this week. I say we should go out then. She asks if Friday(tonight) works for me, I say yes. I see her at work the next day but we play it cool (I don't want everyone at work in our business, presumably she feels the same). About 30 minutes after she leaves work, I get a text, "do you eat sushi." I love sushi. We see each other at work on and off, but it's a crazy week, all business. Yesterday (Thanksgiving) we both work and cross paths a few times and get some chit chat in, but never one on one. We close early afternoon. 2-3 hours she sends a casual, small talk text, something about grandma's house not being as bad as she anticipated. You know, just a "hey this is me texting you" text. I reply with a similarly small talkish text, containing a specific question of absolutely no importance. No reply. 4 hours later, its about 930, so I text again, "we still on for tomorrow?" nothing. So now its Friday, the day she asked me out for, and by 5 I hadn't heard back from her, so instead of texting I call her. No ring, straight to voicemail. Ok, her phone is dead or just off. I don't leave a voicemail because voicemail is worthless, plus I was the last to text. I run errands for 2 hours and then call again. It rings this time, the full amount of rings and goes to voicemail. I'm done at this point, and now we're to the present moment. I'm tempted to say, I get it, I'll take the hint. She's not interested, and not particularly considerate. But from my perspective, she has initiated everything, except the ome time I asked her out when I stopped by work on my day off. I'm confused. Either she's not interested and for whatever reason she's not being upfront about it, or she is interested and she's playing games with me. Or she's interested and just doesn't have her **** together. Or less likely, something randomly crazy happened and she's likely having a ****ty day that has nothing to do with me. Which one do you think it is?
casey.lives Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 you work together so eventually you'll know
IronZ Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Anything happen yet? It shouldn't be that hard to get together, especially since you see each other very often from the looks of it. She's playing games.
Qboro90 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 This is bizarre behavior on her part. Normally I would say she's messing with you. But she went out of her way to get your number again by bringing a pen and paper, and initiated contact about working your schedules out so you could get together, even brought up sushi. The fact that you were talking with her on thanksgiving and then she disappears on Friday either means something happened (doubtful) or she got cold feet and didn't know how to tell you so she thought the ghost act would be better. Totally immature and ridiculous seeing as how she will eventually have to face you at work. At this point don't contact her again. If she contacts you, she has some explaining to do. If she does explain and offer an excuse, you can say you were a bit put off and confused by her bailing, but don't make a federal case out of it in order to prevent awkwardness at work. Things shouldn't be weird because you've never actually gone out or expressed feelings for one another. So at this point just let it fade out until she makes up for it somehow. Sorry to hear btw, it's such a pain to have to go through this game with someone. My guess is she will reach out to you at some point over the weekend with a "I am SO sorry, blah blah blah happened Friday and I couldn't do anything until I dealt with it. I know I owe you dinner, let's reschedule please" Then it's up to you whether or not you wanna try again.
loverboy69 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 I'd definitely chalk this up to cold feet mixed with some kind of hormonal imbalance. In the moment when she's a bit braver she makes plans with you with good intentions. Then later she overthinks or overanalyzes everything and retracts. I don't think she is being purposely deceitful or playing games. Only players do that. Some women who are less inexperienced in the love department may bend to their own insecurities. Maybe she gets bouts of embarassing back acne or has a penis and a vagina? I'm just being sarcastic but I can't read her mind anymore than you can? According to your account she does all the initiating yet fails to reply to your messages or fails to keep commitments. Whether or not she's socially awkward to me is irrelevant because her actions still come across a little bit inconsiderate. At the very least she could have faked the flu as a reason for flaking on you. I think at this point don't give her too much thought and stop investing emotional energy into her. Be nice and cordial with her as you would any nice coworker so things don't get awkward but don't initiate any new plans. Don't get passed the point of no return otherwise you'll get hurt. Good luck.
Author Worstnameever Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 Thanks for the input. From what I know about her,I could see this as her getting caught up in insecurities. Still it's the total silence that has me floored. From what I get of her in person, I find it hard to believe she could be that rude. Seems like she would just make up an excuse. Plus like one of you said, we're definitely going to see each other at work, so this could only make it more awkward. Still haven't heard from her. I'm going to work in a couple hours, don't know if she works today. So maybe I'll figure it out tonight, maybe not.
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