Learningtowalkagain Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Ex gf contacts me a month or so ago. We decide to grab a drink and catch up. We go to a local bar, spend about 7 hours just talking. Walk out to her car and start kissing, she says "you know I still love you". I was taken aback. I know I still had feelings for her too. Next day I ask her if she really meant what she said or if she was just a little buzzed and emotional, she says no she meant it. We keep in contact mostly through texts, and hang out again a week later. I'm pretty good at keeping my cool but I let my feelings get the better of me and start talking relationship with her. She's somewhat receptive. Night ends we again kissed and made plans to hang out again. Few nights ago she drunk texts me while she's out (I was out and drunk too). We go back and forth and got into a stupid argument. Morning comes and I text her hope she had fun last night. She texts me back sorry my texts were so bad you know I love you. Yesterday it's business as usual, then at night I could tell from her texts she's acting a little different. I get a text in the middle of the night saying something like "with things people want in life they just don't change". She sends me a good morning text, I ask her about that text. She blows it off. We chat on and off for the day. She sends me a text saying the last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster and she's still processing her feelings. She says she's indifferent, not good or bad. So I say that's fine and I'm indifferent too because this whole thing moved so fast. She texts me back saying she enjoys spending time with me but she'd like it to be low key and no pressure. I text her back saying I enjoy spending time with her too and yes I agree. So now I'm confused. She is very emotional and has some emotional baggage. She's a difficult girl to date but we've always had a great connection. So how does she go from "I still love you" to "I enjoy spending time with you but lets keep it low key and no pressure". My plan is to stop pursuing her. We're supposed to hang out this weekend. I haven't brought it up. I won't unless she does. Part of me just wants to be done with her, the other part knows I still have feelings for her and it won't be that easy. Any and all feedback is welcome.
casey.lives Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 i still love you doesn't i want to be with you ... it's just a sentimental phrase... let emotions do what they do... be sporadic.. be sensible and let her come to you a bit. keep it cool.. 1
Author Learningtowalkagain Posted November 28, 2015 Author Posted November 28, 2015 i still love you doesn't i want to be with you ... it's just a sentimental phrase... let emotions do what they do... be sporadic.. be sensible and let her come to you a bit. keep it cool.. yeah that's exactly what I thought and exactly my plan. I'm letting the chips fall where they may. I won't text or contact her unless she does so first.
Qboro90 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Sounds like this girl is the typical "no idea what she wants/her feelings can change at the drop of a hat" type mentality. I think it was natural of you to have fallen back into wanting to start things up with her once she first said "you know I still love you" and was reaching out to you regularly. It had been a while since you had been with her so you thought she matured and realized how important you were to her. However now you are seeing that not much has changed. The emotional baggage is still there, the drama is still there, the uncertainty is still there. So that's something you need to decide whether or not you want to deal with again knowing that it's still there if you got back into it. I agree with you that you should stop pursuing her. Let her chase you and go the extra mile to coordinate getting together. If she wants to hang out but insists on you coming to her or meeting her somewhere, resist that and don't jump through hoops to see her. If she means that she loves you and wants to be with you, she will find her way to you and do what's necessary to have you in her life. If she doesn't, then she's just getting off on knowing that she can say a few nice things and use you like a puppet to play with her when she feels like being loved and being in love. If she confronts you then you can say "I'm past the point of drunk phone calls and expressions of love then wondering if that's still true the next morning, if you really care about me and us then I need to see and feel that in a more adult manner because so far this looks exactly like what happened the last time and makes me think if we tried again, things would end the same way". 2
LostOnes05 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Yea, I agree with Qboro. Sounds like she could switch it up without a moment's notice. She might wake up tomorrow and decide she no longer wants to talk/see you. Be prepared for that. I'd pull way back like you said and only communicate when she initiates it.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 "with things people want in life they just don't change" I want to know who she was talking about, herself or you?
Author Learningtowalkagain Posted November 28, 2015 Author Posted November 28, 2015 "with things people want in life they just don't change" I want to know who she was talking about, herself or you? Here goes: We dated for most of 2014. We vaguely talked marriage. She made a big deal out of a ring. I acted like a ring wasn't a big deal. It was to her...it was a huge deal. I recently told her that was a mistake on my part and I understand how important it is now. So the other night when we were arguing she again brought it up. She doesn't believe me when I say I now think a ring is important in a marriage. We weren't talking marriage but I was saying it general. I'm thinking that's what she was talking about but I could be wrong. She still hasn't clarified that statement. I just knew it was odd and knew something was up.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Here goes: We dated for most of 2014. We vaguely talked marriage. She made a big deal out of a ring. I acted like a ring wasn't a big deal. It was to her...it was a huge deal. I recently told her that was a mistake on my part and I understand how important it is now. So the other night when we were arguing she again brought it up. She doesn't believe me when I say I now think a ring is important in a marriage. We weren't talking marriage but I was saying it general. I'm thinking that's what she was talking about but I could be wrong. She still hasn't clarified that statement. I just knew it was odd and knew something was up. hmm, so its definitely you. Yea, that's pretty clear what is going on, she has a hard time trusting your future together.
VeveCakes Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Over a ring? Really? Ugh. I would hope a relationship would be more important than a fancy ring.
Maggie4 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 It's interesting that in your initial post, you made no mention of why you broke up. However, in her mind, everything is about why you broke up. That happens a lot between men and women. The woman cannot move forward until the problem which caused the break up is fixed. Meanwhile the man cruises along date to date, confused why she's unpredictable. 1
Author Learningtowalkagain Posted November 28, 2015 Author Posted November 28, 2015 It's interesting that in your initial post, you made no mention of why you broke up. However, in her mind, everything is about why you broke up. That happens a lot between men and women. The woman cannot move forward until the problem which caused the break up is fixed. Meanwhile the man cruises along date to date, confused why she's unpredictable. She has jealousy and insecurity issues. While I don't think she's changed within the past year I was willing to overlook these issues and give it another shot. I guess my big issue is she sought me out, pursued me, said all the right things, acts like she wants to jump into a relationship again, then backs off. I'm not playing the chasing game with her so if I lose her I lose her and life goes on.
Maggie4 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 She has jealousy and insecurity issues. While I don't think she's changed within the past year I was willing to overlook these issues and give it another shot. I guess my big issue is she sought me out, pursued me, said all the right things, acts like she wants to jump into a relationship again, then backs off. I'm not playing the chasing game with her so if I lose her I lose her and life goes on. She still wants you that's why she came back but there's a lot of work to fix the insecurity issues. And I think you still want her. When you try to get back together with an ex, you find all the problems that caused the break up, are still there.
Author Learningtowalkagain Posted November 28, 2015 Author Posted November 28, 2015 She still wants you that's why she came back but there's a lot of work to fix the insecurity issues. And I think you still want her. When you try to get back together with an ex, you find all the problems that caused the break up, are still there. See when she originally approached me about all this she apologized for being insecure and jealous during our relationship and made it known she would like to hang out some time. So we did and it went as well as it could go. The other night she tells me I was the best boyfriend she ever had. We've been separated for about a year, so she's had some time to reflect. Anyway, I haven't communicated with her since yesterday. Didn't send her a good night text. Woke up this morning and noticed she liked a few photos on my fb page. What does that mean who knows with her.
Author Learningtowalkagain Posted November 29, 2015 Author Posted November 29, 2015 So Wednesday she made plans with me to hang out on Sunday since I'm leaving for vacation on Tuesday. Yesterday she texts me it would be awesome to hand out on Sunday but she thinks we should wait to let emotions settle. I assumed Sunday wasn't happening anyway and told her so and that I had already made plans. We could plan it for some other time and to have a great weekend. She responded thanks for understanding have a nice time in the city tonight and be safe. So what am I supposed to take letting 'emotions settle' as A big part of me just wants to end this but I like having her in my life. If it doesn't work out between us I don't think I can have her in my life. I'm ocd so I've been constantly thinking about her and it's not healthy for my mental state of mind.
kassy Posted November 29, 2015 Posted November 29, 2015 There seem to be way to much drama going on for a give it another try scenario. I'd end it personally. Doesn't seem like the time apart has made any difference.
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