SethDamien Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 I'm dating this awesome girl, i'm 24 and working, she's 21 and in her last year in college. we've had a couple of dates already and i feel were hitting it off. But there are just certain times that i feel like i'm pushing myself too far in this early relationship. Like after our first date, I was too engrossed that i didn't think twice about asking her for another date just hours after our first date. After our second date, i couldnt stop texting her, even up to the point of forcing a conversation. There are times i fear she might lose interest if i text her too much or ask to see her every weekend. Online advises say... "just let time unfold the connection"... I'm aware of what i'm doing but just unsure of how to deal with it. It's been so long that i started dating again that i don't know how to just "let it flow". Two years ago, my ex broke up with me after a 3-year relationship, I was depressed and couldn't function properly. Now i see this girl who is 10x better than my ex, and im determined to win her. I want to limit my messages, limit our meetings. or, i dont know... What's the best way to go about this?
crederer Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 I'm dating this awesome girl, i'm 24 and working, she's 21 and in her last year in college. we've had a couple of dates already and i feel were hitting it off. But there are just certain times that i feel like i'm pushing myself too far in this early relationship. Like after our first date, I was too engrossed that i didn't think twice about asking her for another date just hours after our first date. After our second date, i couldnt stop texting her, even up to the point of forcing a conversation. There are times i fear she might lose interest if i text her too much or ask to see her every weekend. Online advises say... "just let time unfold the connection"... I'm aware of what i'm doing but just unsure of how to deal with it. It's been so long that i started dating again that i don't know how to just "let it flow". Two years ago, my ex broke up with me after a 3-year relationship, I was depressed and couldn't function properly. Now i see this girl who is 10x better than my ex, and im determined to win her. I want to limit my messages, limit our meetings. or, i dont know... What's the best way to go about this? Nothing wrong with asking for another date. But keep texting to a minimum. In fact, don't really text her at all at this stage. Call her if you want to talk. Women of all ages respect a phone call over texts.
LilaMarie Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 I agree with the above ^ keep texting to a minimum during the early stages of dating. Over texting in the early stages of dating is a big turn off for me at least, makes you look too clingy and needy. Not many people like that.
Gaeta Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 If you meet someone and you both enjoy each other it's normal to have a date once a week, in your case each weekend then you slowly escalate to 2 times a week, etc. As for texting. I don't agree with the others to keep it to minimum. If a man says he's interested in me and he never text I will conclude he's not that into me. It's ok to text once a day to see how her day is going. If she wants to hear more from you than she can initiate text with you
Author SethDamien Posted November 28, 2015 Author Posted November 28, 2015 Shes currently busy doing her thesis, and im busy at work. So there's hardly any time for calls. She frankly apologized for rejecting most of my invitations. She said she needed to prioritize her studies. I told her i understand her situation. she replies "thanks for understanding". It didnt end there though, were still texting occasionally. we're set for another date two weeks from now... I dont want this to die out, or fall to the pit of being considered just a friend... but, as it seems, i have no choice but to compromise.
Qboro90 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 It's going to be hard but you need to resist the temptation to text her so much. Remember that she's not your girlfriend at this point. She's just someone you went on 1 date with. Despite the connection you think you have or what she says, it's still very very early and you don't know one another well enough at all at this point. Start seeing if she will reach out to you and initiate the conversation. What are the details around the 2nd date? Did you schedule it yet? If not then wait until she texts you next to see when she's free. Don't be the overs available guy otherwise you risk diminishing her need to put effort in. Sure she might be 10x better than your ex, but you need to know that you're a catch too and she can't just have you doting over her by doing nothing. During the early part of dating it is the guys responsibility to follow up and facilitate the first 1-3 dates. But after that, I need to see some effort on her part to see me. If I were you, I'd schedule and go on the 2nd date, then see if she takes the initiative to see you again. That will also give you the confidence in knowing she's into you as well and not indifferent. Another thing you can do if you feel like you're being too clingy. If she texts you or you're talking to her one day/night and she asks what you're doing. Tell her you're out with some friends, or watching the game with a couple buddies at the bar, or doing something socially so that she knows you have a life of your own. Because if a girl knows you don't have anything else going on, she is in control and won't feel like she's got to work for your time and attention. Best of luck.
Gaeta Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Shes currently busy doing her thesis, and im busy at work. So there's hardly any time for calls. She frankly apologized for rejecting most of my invitations. She said she needed to prioritize her studies. I told her i understand her situation. she replies "thanks for understanding". It didnt end there though, were still texting occasionally. we're set for another date two weeks from now... I dont want this to die out, or fall to the pit of being considered just a friend... but, as it seems, i have no choice but to compromise. She declined several invitations? A date in 2 weeks? Well sorry to rain on your parade but she's not interested. I don't care how much study she has it's not true she cannot find a couple of hours for you.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Like after our first date, I was too engrossed that i didn't think twice about asking her for another date just hours after our first date. Curious, did you ask her for a second date before the first date had actually finished? I have had this happen before and it was a big turn off. I think " winning" her over doesn't necessarily have it's pay offs. If you're aware of yourself " forcing conversations" it maybe that you're trying to "convince" her that your a catch and she should be able to work this out for herself. I have had guys sort of smother me before, over text and convince me that they're Mr. Wonderful's but I just felt it was contrived and forced. They did not give me enough time to decide weather or not I had feelings for them, instead they were pressuring me to date them or they were even to go as far as to tell ME what I felt. One man said " I think you have a fear of rejection" and that was on date one. Talk about weird and intimidating. Although I'm sure this is not what you are doing presently, woman can make up their own minds, it's up to you to figure out that you are prepared to let them, and that maybe not forcefully over texting or encroaching boundaries ahead of time. Good luck. Just let things be at the moment. Let her know that your interested ( which I am sure she knows) and let her decide from there. If anything, the ball is now in her court. You've pursued her as much as you can at this point. There is a case of over doing it. Don't be that guy. 1
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