mineral27 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) Her saying, "she doesn't know what she's doing" threw me. After she said she hadn't been in a relationship in two years, it confused me more. I feel it could either mean she doesn't know what she's doing in general because of her loss or it could be more literal in that she doesn't know what she's doing relationship wise because it has been so long. In my opinion, the loss of her brother is quite 'emotionally occupying' her right now, but that doesn't mean she's just looking for someone to make her feel better. The fact that she's been single for long means she's not the kind of girl who rushes into relationships and wants to be very sure about the guy she's going to be in a relationship next. Also, after being single for so long it might just feel a bit unusual to go through this 'relationship things' again, especially if that was her only serious relationship before. I'd say if you really like her, give her time. But if nothing changes after couple of months, then you must ask yourself if you're still prepared to invest in a relationship that's not progressing to where you'd want it. Edited November 30, 2015 by mineral27
lolablue17 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) I really like her and she's really sweet (and seems to enjoy being around me), but here are two things that I (possibly for no reason) thought: - This sounds bad, but I thought maybe she is seeking comfort after her loss. I don't necessarily think this is the case, but I guess it could be? - Her saying, "she doesn't know what she's doing" threw me. After she said she hadn't been in a relationship in two years, it confused me more. I feel it could either mean she doesn't know what she's doing in general because of her loss or it could be more literal in that she doesn't know what she's doing relationship wise because it has been so long. You are so naive! It's kind of sweet... :) She was trying to reach with you to a more intimate atmosphere, with less games and more honesty (the brother talk). She was waiting for you to cooperate with her. She was expecting you to take some risks, to make a move, to come closer to her. But instead doing that, you shifted responsibility to her. You asked her what are her expectations. It's a red flag about you. Why don't you take responsibility? why don't you act like a man? Your question was a coward question. You asked her to reveal her cards... Shame on you. What if she said that she's interested in a relationship, and you would have said that you are not? She was afraid to be embarassed, so she improvised some nonsence like "she doesn't know what she's doing". She was very disappointed of you. You had a chance to fix the impression, when she asked you, and you missed that one, too. When i was single, if I met a girl that i liked I wanted to be as honest as possible. I would have told her that she is in my mind day and night. That I want to be with her all day and night, that i want to hold her and not letting her go. Don't you think she would love to hear it? But you were busy with calculations and judging. I say - If you don't really really like her and miss her badly, move on, why are you wasting your time? That of course, my opinion only Edited November 30, 2015 by lolablue17 1
mineral27 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 She was trying to reach with you to a more intimate atmosphere, with less games and more honesty (the brother talk). She was waiting for you to cooperate with her. She was expecting you to take some risks, to make a move, to come closer to her. But instead doing that, you shifted responsibility to her. You asked her what are her expectations. It's a red flag about you. Why don't you take responsibility? why don't you act like a man? Your question was a coward question. You asked her to reveal her cards... Shame on you. What if she said that she's interested in a relationship, and you would have said that you are not? She was afraid to be embarassed, so she improvised some nonsence like "she doesn't know what she's doing". She was very disappointed of you. You had a chance to fix the impression, when she asked you, and you missed that one, too. That's actually a good point, wouldn't have thought of it myself, but now that you explained it, I must say I quite agree with you. 1
Author waterintobeer Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 You are so naive! It's kind of sweet... :) She was trying to reach with you to a more intimate atmosphere, with less games and more honesty (the brother talk). She was waiting for you to cooperate with her. She was expecting you to take some risks, to make a move, to come closer to her. But instead doing that, you shifted responsibility to her. You asked her what are her expectations. It's a red flag about you. Why don't you take responsibility? why don't you act like a man? Your question was a coward question. You asked her to reveal her cards... Shame on you. What if she said that she's interested in a relationship, and you would have said that you are not? She was afraid to be embarassed, so she improvised some nonsence like "she doesn't know what she's doing". She was very disappointed of you. You had a chance to fix the impression, when she asked you, and you missed that one, too. When i was single, if I met a girl that i liked I wanted to be as honest as possible. I would have told her that she is in my mind day and night. That I want to be with her all day and night, that i want to hold her and not letting her go. Don't you think she would love to hear it? But you were busy with calculations and judging. I say - If you don't really really like her and miss her badly, move on, why are you wasting your time? That of course, my opinion only This seems pretty judgemental. I told her what I told her because that is honestly how I feel. I like her a lot, but I don't want to rush things. And I also did tell her I was really glad she felt comfortable enough with me to tell me about her brother.
mineral27 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) OP, did you tell her directly and honestly you want a serious relationship? (despite not rushing) In any case, whatever you want out of this relationship, stating your feelings and wishes for the long term I think is completely ok, even at an this early stage - it might be actually desirable from her point of view, of course as long as it's not expressed in a pressure inducing way. As long as you find a good way to express your wants and feelings, you don't need to hold back imo. Edited November 30, 2015 by mineral27
kgcolonel Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 I am in agreement with Mineral.....If you are looking for a relationship, the person you BELIEVE to be that person....you should be able to express your desires...that being said...you still should say something like: I am really falling for you and I want to share where I am at with our relationship. I am looking for a serious relationship and am very happy when I am with you. It is so hard to end our dates or leave you after our nights together....I am at a point that I would like to be exclusive with you....how does that make you feel?" This should be clear and decisive as to what you want and give her the opportunity to express where she is. You need to be brave and tell her what you want...
Author waterintobeer Posted December 1, 2015 Author Posted December 1, 2015 OP, did you tell her directly and honestly you want a serious relationship? (despite not rushing) In any case, whatever you want out of this relationship, stating your feelings and wishes for the long term I think is completely ok, even at an this early stage - it might be actually desirable from her point of view, of course as long as it's not expressed in a pressure inducing way. As long as you find a good way to express your wants and feelings, you don't need to hold back imo. I will agree in that I have not yet specifically expressed that I want a serious relationship. Maybe I got a bit gun-shy after she stated she wasn't sure what she was doing. However, on the first date, we both had stated we were not looking for something casual. Perhaps I will try to clear things up this week. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I will agree in that I have not yet specifically expressed that I want a serious relationship. Maybe I got a bit gun-shy after she stated she wasn't sure what she was doing. However, on the first date, we both had stated we were not looking for something casual. Perhaps I will try to clear things up this week. Perhaps? Not, perhaps, just do it. If you are thinking you'd like to advance things with her and you are unable to communicate already, it's going to fail anyway. Communicate, clarify and make sure the two of you are on the same page.
Author waterintobeer Posted December 1, 2015 Author Posted December 1, 2015 Perhaps? Not, perhaps, just do it. If you are thinking you'd like to advance things with her and you are unable to communicate already, it's going to fail anyway. Communicate, clarify and make sure the two of you are on the same page. I meant in terms of letting her know that I'm not in a hurry, but that I am looking for something serious and not just something casual. I feel like I implied that, but I need to say it more concretely. I, myself, don't know if I am ready to advance things to the next level yet (e.g. a label) because it feels pretty quick. I just want to continue seeing her, getting to know her, and enjoy our time together. I made it clear that I don't really do the multi-dating thing and that I am not seeing anyone else and she said the same. That, at this point, is where I'm at. 1
thecrucible Posted December 1, 2015 Posted December 1, 2015 I meant in terms of letting her know that I'm not in a hurry, but that I am looking for something serious and not just something casual. I feel like I implied that, but I need to say it more concretely. I, myself, don't know if I am ready to advance things to the next level yet (e.g. a label) because it feels pretty quick. I just want to continue seeing her, getting to know her, and enjoy our time together. I made it clear that I don't really do the multi-dating thing and that I am not seeing anyone else and she said the same. That, at this point, is where I'm at. I think that sounds like a good idea. She'll know what page you are on. That is important as you want to make sure she feels the same. You are not making some statement of undying love, just saying that you see this as potentially becoming serious. The way you phrased it sounds good.
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