Orria Posted November 27, 2015 Posted November 27, 2015 Hi Everyone! My boyfriend of 2 years and I just split last Friday. I have a 6 week old little one with him. I'm trying to figure out how to best deal with the situation. I can't go normal NC because of our mutual son. He keeps playing around with me, won't stop bothering me, but at the same time wants nothing to do with me. How do I deal with this?! Let me give you a background. We met through work. He dropped deposits for a business off at my bank branch. We had talked for about 4 months when he would come in before we dated. Things escalated quickly and within 6 months of our relationship we were living together. Then, I discovered his horrible anger problem. He would rage. He would get right in my face, screaming and calling me his ex wife. He could never handle any kind of criticism or problem I had with him. A few times he pushed me around. He would throw things. As luck would have it, I found out I was pregnant right after I had made up my mind to be done with him. I gave it another go. He ended up leaving his job, with me the only one working. Once he locked me out of the house 35 weeks pregnant, with no shoes, no phone, keys, or wallet for a few hours. We had issues because he continued to talk to an ex at the start of our relationship, he would flirt with women online, and every time something would happen between us he would be right back on a dating site, or trying it connect with women. So to the break up: After my pregnancy, he started acting out of character. So, I catfished him. Believe me, it is not my proudest moment. I was feeling very insecure because of the body changes and all. It was stupid, but I did. The thing is he was going for it! Naturally that did not go over well. I had asked him if he had anything to tell me. After he said no, I asked if something was going on. At this point he went off about the fact "I never trust him" and told me we were over. So I outed myself and the fake Twitter. He says it is all my fault for trying to trap him, and that I've betrayed him. So here is now: We had a few talks about working things out. However, he says that anything he did is negated by the fact I tried to trap him. He is openly hostile and the only time he thought we were making progress was after about a half hour of self effacement on my part. He made a new POF account 2 days after the breakup and bought a premium subscription (which is how I know, he used a shared account.) He expects me to make up for the whole thing, when I try he gets better and we have a good night that seems positive via texts but the next morning he is being slightly rude, and by the late afternoon he is all anger and nasty with me. I've tried not talking about anything but our son. Every time I do, he starts trying to get me mad, or starts being sweet. Its like he just wants the conflict and to lure me in. Then he cycles through this whole process again. He also keeps refusing to work with me on a visitation plan, but threatens to fight for custody, then texts when I haven't said anything to him for a few hours pointedly toward the baby how much he loves him. I'm so sick of this! If I could just go NC there wouldn't be a problem. We have been talking about the babies needs and everything as well. He wants pictures all the time and bugs for them. We are actually meeting so he can see his son tomorrow. How can I stop being an idiot and get out of this cycle? What can I do since I can't go NC?
PegNosePete Posted November 27, 2015 Posted November 27, 2015 I've tried not talking about anything but our son. Every time I do, he starts trying to get me mad, or starts being sweet. Well, you need to try harder, because that is the best approach to take. If he gets mad just hang up. If he starts being sweet hang up. If he talks about anything other than directly relating to your son and shared parenting, hang up. It takes 2 to argue, or to have any kind of conversation. So just stop. He also keeps refusing to work with me on a visitation plan, but threatens to fight for custody Tell him fine. Make a diary of all the times you've tried to arrange a schedule. Preferably do it by email so you have a written record. And then, just stop trying, and leave it to him to make the effort. If he doesn't, then ignore him. If he does go to court to "fight" for custody then you can produce evidence of your attempts to negotiate and hit him with a frivolous litigation case. He wants pictures all the time and bugs for them. Tell him to take his own, and hang up. How can I stop being an idiot and get out of this cycle? Just stop talking to him unless it's absolutely necessary for your son's sake. Half of these problems are caused because you are engaging with him. You need to learn to simply hang up and not respond to him when he is being a pain.
Recommended Posts