smile95 Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 I assume that everyone has great memories with their ex(and bad ones) why do the good ones come back and make me miss him. People who get divorced make it thru and I am sure they have good memories too??? I long for the good days, but I know he will never change, so NC is the way to go for me. I am not sure how to stop thinking of the good?? It makes me want to call him and hear his voice! any suggestions on what to do when a memory is sparked and I want to keep from contacting? The longer I go w/out contacting, the more i miss him...isn't it supposed to be the opposite?
Jadey Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Its only human to get good memories of your ex. Its like when somebody you care for die, youll always have those good memories and think of them form time to time. And oddly they will nearly always overtake the bad memories. Its just a matter of life im afraid. But, i know it hurts, but is it really that bad to have good memories? I think we all need em. I dont really know what to suggest. Everytime i think of a memory i ust think it..I may try to make it go away, but the more you try to do that the more youll think of them. So you could try and get active to take ya mind off it..if not i dont really know II thik that sometimes we just have to think of those memories, and cry..And deal with it. NC, Its gonna be hard for a while. But one day youre going to wake up and NOT want to call him, NOT want to text him, NOT even miss him. It will just take time for us. But if you feel NC is the best way to go in your situation, DO NOT CONTACT HIM! Cos youll be abck at square one, and it will take even longer to feel you dont wanna contact him. Good Luck and stay stong! xxx
Fallen_Angel Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 I don't think there's a way to "block" the good memories. It's like saying "don't think of a purple elephant," you know? Be happy you had such good times, but realize eventually you'll find joy elsewhere in your life. Plus, this is a holiday weekend... I know this is going to be rough for me because I was used to spending holidays with my ex. I keep hoping maybe he'll call but you know what? I have to move on. At least this is what I keep telling myself! Try anything and everything when you feel the urge call him. Sit on your hands. Call someone else. Step away from the phone! I think with NC things tend to ebb and flow. Some days I think of my ex constantly (like today at work, I saw a bird outside my window and almost started crying...how pathetic! ), while others I manage to concentrate on other things. I've said it once, and I'll gladly say it a billion more times: take everything one day at a time. This is an enormously stressful change, and you won't adjust overnight. We're all here for you, though!!!
Author smile95 Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 thanks guys-it is really nice to know I can vent and get positive feedback from you all. How long have you all been away from your exes. I soometimes hope that mine will call do, but then I just get upset when it does not happen. Right now it is hard to imagine not wanting to call himone day, but i look fwd to it!
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 So what I want to know is does the dumpee remember the good memories?? Or just the bad ones? Lol
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Ok my ex broke up with me over a drunken fight a little over 2 months ago. Before I started NC, I saw him Tuesday. After that I figure if he misses me he'll call me (he wants to be friends he said). I'm using NC as a way to move on with my life.
Author smile95 Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 they HAVE to remember the good ones. After time, I think that the anger or whatever wears off and you get over being mad. I think that is when the dumper contacts us? They have to remember the good times!
Author smile95 Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 i could not be friends with mine. It would hurt too much. If I wanted to be friends, I would be hoping for more and last time I did NC, he called and wanted to be freinds and then he charmed me into getting back and then the crazy cycle began again. I have to break this cycle, but it would help if I did not love this man!
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 I once heard that love is the best feeling in the world but can also be the worst feeling in the world as well. All I know is I refuse to beg my ex back, and I never have since the breakup. I'm just trying to prove to him how much of a better person I have become and that I don't need him in my life to be happy.
Author smile95 Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 I revolved my world around this man and lost myself. I know it will take time to meet new people and start to do things for myself, but I have to. Otherwise, i will be here in my apt a yr from now still doing NC and still missing him. I imagine he will call me one day. We never ended it really. 3 yrs with him and then he just got stressed and stop talking to me again. I wish he would just tell me we are done if we are so I can lose hope. Rejection sux when I was the one who did all the work and did nothing wrong? ugh
Fallen_Angel Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 My ex broke up with me 7 weeks ago. I last spoke to him about two and a half weeks ago, wherein he said he'd be "busy" but wants to get together soon "if I'm ready." He gave me no indication as to when he'd be in contact again, and after calling him and leaving a voicemail two weeks ago (for a simple favor!) and not hearing from him, I'm now firm in my decision that I will not contact him. I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to deal with a relationship plus school (he's in grad school). I think it's bs, because I never placed any demands on him, but whatever. If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't...well, it'll hurt, but maybe it's for the best. Perhaps someday he'll realize just how badly he's screwed up. Rejection really does suck. I thought things were great, for the most part. We got along so well & never fought. I was still trying all the time to impress him, and even after three and a half years I often felt as giddy as I did when we first met. So this is still tough to understand. But as my friend told me, once I get myself through this I'll be able to get through anything.
Author smile95 Posted May 28, 2005 Author Posted May 28, 2005 wow you sound like I feel. I never make any demands either and I think that one day when they both wake up they will see how great we were to them. We never fought either and mine was just so into his work(yours had school). One day they will see what is important in life. I hope that we both find guys that treat us wonderful and can see that getting over these guys was the best thing to do. Stick with NC. I am too. Even a simple song or commercial can spark me to cry and miss him, but I have toremember that I will be ok with time(at least everyone says so). I just hope time still heals me even when I know he was the one.
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