Why am I still so bitter and angry though I'm in a new relationship?

[xxCourt96xx]

Basically what the title says.

 

We broke up 3 months ago out of nowhere. He dumped me through my sister in a series of text messages because he couldn't face me himself, blahblahblah, I was in the middle of my mom going to prison and my young siblings being removed from the home, so it was like being triple whammied, kicked and stabbed at the same time.

 

He hasn't spoken a single word to me since the ordeal and frankly I don't expect him to ever speak to me again. I ended up meeting someone new a month ago and he's everything I've dreamed of in a person, older, funnier, smarter, more respectful. I couldn't be happier.

 

That being said, I still haven't been able to get over the breakup. I've moved on from my ex but not from the breakup. As happy as I am in this new relationship, I'm still bitter and spiteful and angry at everything, and I hate it. If one of my friends brings up my ex I have to say something spiteful, and whenever my ex crosses my mind (which still happens frequently) all I can envision is me socking him straight in the face and cussing him straight to hell and calling him every name in the book.

 

I hate it because I'm this gentle, mild person and I've become so full of anger at what he did to me, and I'm afraid I'm never going to stop being angry...I'll just carry this around with me forever.

 

Will I ever stop being so bitter and pissed? Is it normal for me to harbor such hateful feelings 3 months later?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I think you should give yourself a break, this didn't happen very long ago. You are still dealing with those emotions, they don't just disappear. You have every right to feel hurt and angry about what happened. He behaved like a spineless jerk ending it the way he did.

 

Additionally, like you said, it tied in with some other very upsetting events in your life which has left an impact on you. It sounds like you have been through a lot, and you need time to heal from it.

 

It will take time for those feelings to go away, but in time it will get easier. As your ex becomes a distant memory, so to will those emotions. If you are not an angry, aggressive person by nature, you will find a way through this.

 

However, if it continues to be a problem and starts to impact your new relationship then perhaps you could consider getting some counselling to help you work through it.

[Blanco]

You moved on to a new relationship too soon. Feeling anger and bitterness after just three months isn't unusual, but it's unfair to your current partner. You're not fully emotionally available while you are still feeling such strong emotions toward your ex.

 

Take some time to be single. Not alone; single. Reconnect with friends lost or minimized during your last relationship. Embark on a new hobby or get reacquainted with an old one. Exercise. Treat yourself to some new clothes. Embrace that your life is currently yours. Your time is yours. You can do what you'd like when you'd like.

 

You will not always be full of anger toward your ex. You may never like him in any capacity again and the thought of him might never go past being unappealing. But right now, these strong emotions against him are present and vibrant. Let those fade away while you do some of the above things. Don't use a new relationship and an unsuspecting guy to mask your pain.

[sandylee1]

I hope your bitterness doesn't affect your new relationship....as it could appear to the new guy that you're still stuck on your Ex and you could face another break up.

 

Your Ex was cowardly not to face you directly, but dating is a test of suitability and you didn't suit him. Maybe there was too much going on in your life for him to deal with..... I think (as a young guy like he probably is) honestly I'd have ended it too. It's too much stress and hassle to deal with.

 

Don't let it consume you and put it down to experience.

[basil67]

I'm a great believer in grabbing a good opportunity when it comes along. So with this in mind, I say love your new guy and let your good times with him help you move on from your past.

 

I agree with Sandylee that the way he ended the relationship was appalling. However, if he'd waited till your life settled down, then you would have been with a man who was with you out of pity - not love.

 

When it all gets too much, practice counting your blessings. It works for me

[xxCourt96xx]

Thank you for all your input guys, it really helps. :bunny:

 

At one point I did consider counseling so I could sort through all my problems that I was dealing with but backed out of it. I've literally been told by a counselor though that I would benefit from it, so I've been considering it again.

 

My anger hasn't inhibited my new relationship in any way, him and I are really good together and I'm very happy with him. Him and I talk about my last relationship from time to time and talking it out with him is helpful to me. I just hope some day I can let go fully and my ex will never cross my mind again.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

At one point I did consider counseling so I could sort through all my problems that I was dealing with but backed out of it. I've literally been told by a counselor though that I would benefit from it, so I've been considering it again.

 

If someone can offer you help, I think it would be worth giving it shot.

[aussietigerwolf]

I had an ex get his mum to write me a letter dumping me. We lived together... Point is, I got over the anger of how he did it so you can too

[StBreton]

It's painful to think someone who "loves you" can do such crummy things but it happens:( I'm sorry that happened to you. It's all on them. Get mad and then work on forgiveness or else the bitterness will forever live in your heart. Promise?