Caidy Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 I think that that's the hardest thing about ending it with someone that you love...staying strong. It's awful. It's awful to have to talk to that person on the phone while seperating bills and have to keep the emotion and pain out of your voice, while they're obviously hurting. I saw my alcoholic ex today...he brought the cell phone back to me at my work. His appearance has changed so drastically- although he sort of looks clean cut- he shaved his head/goatee and got a lip ring! When he came into the office, my heart jumped up into my throat- I haven't seen him since he totaled my car. Despite that, I have missed his touch, and it took everything I had to maintain this cool exterior and pretend like I didn't care. I got up and went out side to have a ciggarette, and sort of followed him to where his mother has picked him up, and he tried to hug me. I could tell he wanted to be close to me like I did him. I acted like I didn't see the gesture and turned my back and walked in another direction. Then, when I saw them drive away, I turned my back to the vehicle as it sputtered down the boulevard. I never thought I'd lose him, and I never thought that I'd be the one unwilling to work on saving the relationship. My mind cycles through, "Can I get past this?" To, "I hate him! I hate him!" And the whole time I have to be at work, which is probably the best thing for me, as it keeps me at least somewhat occupied. What the F*** is this love sh*t anyway???
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