Never thought I would be on here again..... I stand corrected

[So.Much.Pain]

Hey guys. As the title to my post states I have managed to find myself back on this amazing website, something I never thought would happen again.

 

The last time I was here was due to a very hard breakup on myself that I did not take lightly and fell into a deep depression for a while. That was over a couple years ago and I did managed to find the light at the end of the tunnel I am happy to say . I know firsthand how difficult it can be and everything seems hopeless but TIME will always prevail. At first I wanted my ex back soooo bad after she dumped me and made all the classic mistakes until finally I went NC. Sure enough curiosity must have got the best of her because she text me a month or two after I went NC but I never replied to that. At that point I knew that my life was going to be so much better without her toxicity in it and boy was I right! It was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I had to stick to my guns and do what I knew was right for me. That was almost 2 and a half years ago now. We haven't communicated since that last text of hers that I never replied to and just the other week she sent me another text wondering what was up. Never replied to this either, as far as I'm concerned she is dead to me. I guess things didn't turn out with the guy she left me for. Go figure.

 

Anyways jumping to the present now I did meet another amazing girl that I have been seeing for a little over a year now. Our relationship has been great and so much better than the previous one I was in. We just returned from an 8 day vacation together and things sort of collapsed near the end of this. We ended up getting in an argument, blown wayyyyyyy out of proportion, and we ended up breaking up when we returned home from the vacation. This was instigated by me because I could see the stress going on with her due to all the courses she is taking and her final exams coming up in a few weeks so I knew we needed space. I did not voice this properly though i will admit through all the emotions and we mutually agreed to break up because she needs to focus on her studies at the moment and not a relationship. Really both of us just needed some time and space on our own to collect our thoughts and reflect on our relationship and to let our emotions cool down. I would have much rather agreed to giving eachother some time and space and taking a bit of a break if you will rather than a full on break up but in the moment those words did not come out properly. This was one week ago today.

 

The first day (7 days ago) was a relief for both of us I am sure as we just spent 8 days travelling together 24/7 and it was nice to have alone time. Well the following days began to get very difficult for me and I found myself full on anxiety and back into that depressed state that i was familiar with from the previous break up. I couldn't even function the past couple of days nor sleep and all I could think about all day was her and that this may actually be the end of the relationship all due to some stupid fight blown so far out of proportion. She asked for time and space to focus on her studies and herself from the day we broke up which I was more than happy to give her at the time. It wasn't until a couple days after that when reality really kicked in and I couldn't believe we weren't together anymore and that it was dead silence now from both of us.

 

I wanted to contact her every second since then but I was sticking to NC since she said she will contact me once she feels she is ready to do so. This is so difficult for me because I hate waiting for something that I am not even sure of what the outcome will be as I am sure many of you can relate to. I have been proud of sticking to my guns and respecting what she has asked for at the moment as hard as it is. Last night I hit my lowest point, rock bottom, and I just had to let out all of the built up emotion. I just couldn't believe that she was okay with not texting calling or seeing me at all now and all I wanted was to hear from her but I knew I could not be the one to initiate it. At this rock bottom state I began to cry and cry and cry some more as all the pain I was feeling had finally surfaced. Then something amazing happened. Only a couple minutes into this emotional breakdown I was having, my phone makes a noise. It's a text. From her. I could not believe it for the life of me. This was something unexplainable. In the midst of the absolute lowest I have been, I hear from her. The relief I felt just seeing her name appear on my phone is greater than words. The timing of it was as if it were planned. I will never understand this coincidence.

 

Anyways we texted back and forth a few texts and she wanted to just let me know how she is missing me and was hoping I was going to come see and suprise her etc. I explained that I am respecting her wish for time and space as I need it as well and that it is not easy but she needs to finish her studies at the moment because that is most important for her right now.

 

I basically just wanted to share this to pay it forward as I have found myself on this site again in the past few days reading posts and looking for hope as we all do when we are heartbroken. I am a very emotional guy and get heartbroken very easily it seems as I never in a million years expected to feel like that again. I do not know what will come of my relationship with her but it feels good to know she does care and that there is a possibility of us working things out in the future when she is done her schooling. I feel for all of you who are in a similar situation especially for those wishing and praying for their ex back or simply just to hear from them. It truly is the darkest deepest pain we will probably ever experience. I want you to see from my situation that YES, there is always hope and that to never count something out. I know many of you just want to receive that simple text message that will turn your pain into comfort like it did for me and please see that it can and DOES happen. There are no guarantees in life but sometimes you just need to hear from others in your similar situation to make it through the day. Like I said this does not really mean anything at this point as far as reconciliation goes but it is a step in the right direction. I hope that all of you reading this can stick to your guns and keep to NC because really it is the only way to go for both healing and to have the proper space and time that all relationships need as we are all individuals and need time for ourselves. It may seem that you will never hear from your ex again but in my experience just by going NC I have heard from them eventually. Not to say that it will mean you get back together because sometimes you are better off on your own or with somebody else. It is just hard to see that through all the pain. Keep your heads up guys and keep your dreams and hopes alive. You all have something special to offer and sometimes people need space to see what it is they are truly grateful for in the other person. Keep strong and continue to pay it forward.