lovebug_5858 Posted November 25, 2015 Posted November 25, 2015 You guys will more than likely not remember me, but feel free to look through my posts and threads. I went through a break up that I honestly thought was going to kill me. I gotta say I've been free of that guy since January 31st 2015 woot woot! A little therapy and a lot of willpower can do wonders guys! He has reached out to me a few times- but I haven't even given it a thought Anyways, So as of lately I've been dating someone new. And he is so amazing, he's deeply caring and so compassionate. Everything I could ask for... when we met I wasnt looking for anything- but he made it so hard not to. He made me want to be in a relationship again. Which I didnt think would happen so easily (after coming out of a 4 year failure). Well, I ended things with this new guy briefly- or well mentioned maybe doing so after receiving a low grade on a nursing exam. Nursing has basically been my boyfriend for the past year and I prefaced our relationship by saying I wouldn't let anything get in the way. I also told him I felt like I was losing myself again and that I needed some time for myself. I realize that was a poor way of handling my own issues, but I didn't really know how else to handle it. We were friends before any of this so I figured maybe we could just go back to that.. but neither of us were happy that way so we continued on with our relationship. But then, I felt like he didn't really care for me as much or maybe he was being guarded. Which is understandable... but then why agree to come back. So yesterday I told him I didn't feel like we were happy as we once were and its literally become a whole 24 hour long conversation... argument... who knows, because he is upset that I am saying all of this. He strongly feels that he hasn't changed in how he feels or the way he acts with me. But what am i supposed to do. Its just how I feel. He doesnt seek to spend as much time with me, or touch me as often, (hugs, kisses, etc.) I don't know. He understands my past and I know I have had a strong issue with my fear of abandonment but he says that he cannot cater to my constant need for reassurance. Help?
schlieman Posted November 25, 2015 Posted November 25, 2015 Hey lovebug, i just read your whole NC 2 Story and reading here you made it is awesome. You even resisted being sucked back into it... this is courage. I am just at the start of my breakup...so you can imagine where my life is atm, but lets not talk about me but you. And this is just my opinion and purely made up of the picture you have drawn. So was it just the low grade on your nursing that made you break up with him in the first place? And when you got back together were you the same than before? Maybe you are affraid to committ to this new guy without knowing, maybe unconsciously your scared of being hurt again? Only you can answer these questions. Maybe your time till the breakup was like honeymoon, new relationships seem always to be perfect. Maybe after you broke up with him and argueing he started resenting you?...or he doesn't want to get hurt by you and keeps abit of distance? Maybe the honeymoon is just over? I would put it under one of these questions you got to ask yourself and maybe him? Hope you can work it out with him or get out of the relationship before it starts hurting. 1
Author lovebug_5858 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Posted November 25, 2015 Schlieman, I know for a fact that I've been afraid of commitment.. So maybe that was just a scapegoat for me to try to get out of it before falling into it all again. But I realized I did miss him and he was really not at fault for any of it. And maybe the honeymoon is over... We don't really have anything to argue about but it does seem like we try and find things. The smallest of things get turned into huge ongoing arguments. I also hope we can figure out or leave before it begins to hurt. I decided I'm going to make an appt with my therapist to try to figure out what's going on in my head. Because I know that my past experience has a whole lot to do with why I'm feeling this way. I'm sad to hear that that is happening with you, but stay strong! I'm telling you, it's possible. 1
schlieman Posted November 26, 2015 Posted November 26, 2015 Good choice to see your therapist and work yourself through it. I am sure in time you will see whats going on and you can work on it then. Take care
foam12 Posted November 26, 2015 Posted November 26, 2015 I was that guy, so I understand where he's at. My ex got out of a relationship before we met and we ended up falling for each other. We never really had any major issues, but she kept saying she wanted to wait a full year to get into a relationship; that lasted a few months then we were in a relationship. Then she ended it suddenly claiming that it took her a while to figure out she wasn't ready and needed to focus on some family issues that came up within a week of the break up. A relationship is a job whether people like to admit it or not and her other family issues were more important than me, so I tried my best to understand. I didn't take it well and begged for her to reconsider for about a week. What your ex is probably going through is a mixed bag of emotions of bummed out he got dumped to confused as to why (i.e. did I mess up that bad, did she find another guy, why now, etc.) to angry because it seems that maybe you were lying the entire time (in no particular order). If he is having those same emotions maybe that will help you understand his stance a little more. Even if you tell him the truth, it may help a little, but all of those emotions will still be there. Being dumped does not feel good, especially when you love the person dumping you. Wish you both the best of luck regardless of what happens!
Nickr3023 Posted November 26, 2015 Posted November 26, 2015 Sounds like it's just a matter of timing, and as I've learned, it ends up being the most important thing. If just one of you isn't quite ready for a relationship to happen, it just can't happen no matter how in love you are with one another. Feel free to read my story in my very first post a couple weeks ago. Met what I thought was the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she was 2 weeks out of a 10 year marriage. We fell in love, tried to make it work off and on for a year, but in the end, she just wasn't ready for that type of love and relationship. I wish you the best of luck, but sometimes walking away and seeing if your paths cross again in the future is the best thing you can do.
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